Kieran groaned. “Am I getting a lecture?”
“What do you think, Kieran? You were in prison…again. We’re worried about you, and I didn’t even know you were doing drugs. I mean, when Rory had his issue, we’d all seen it coming. With you, I didn’t even have a clue.” Dee’s voice faltered as she began choking up once more. “I feel like the worst mother ever.”
“Ma, you’re not. Not even close.” He grabbed a napkin and handed it to her, which she used to dab at her tearing eyes. “You’re the best mother any of us ever could have asked for. I don’t know how you did it, raising five boys. And adopting Casey, making her feel like one of the family. You’re seamless, Ma.”
“Aw, my baby boy.” She tilted her head to the side appreciatively. “That’s sweet of you to say, but look at my track record. Quinn’s got more ink than skin. Kane can’t talk to women without offending them. Jimmy rarely comes around the house. Rory had his issues, but thank God for Clare. And you’re…I don’t know what’s going on with you at all. Some mother I am.” Her shoulders slumped and she looked so defeated, he would have said anything to make her feel better.
“I’d say blame Pop?” He gave her a wide grin, hoping to ease the pain in her eyes.
It worked because Dee burst out laughing. “Yes, let’s do that. Let’s blame your father.”
A heavy moment of silence passed between them. Dee looked sad again, and he knew she wanted more answers. She’d asked these questions every time over the last month that he’d called her from prison, which had been her only avenue to him. It had killed him to keep his own mother at arm’s length, but he truly couldn’t stand the thought of her seeing him like that again. Those days were behind him…this time he was certain.
“What happened, Kieran? Why are you doing drugs again?”
“I’m not, Ma,” he promised, because that was the truth.
Dee shrugged and sighed. “How do you explain this whole thing, then?”
Kieran glanced around the room, ensuring no one was around to hear. “If I tell you, you gotta keep this between us. Promise?”
Dee nodded, still sniffling. “I promise.”
“I got the joint from Shea. Confiscated it from her and another girl at the youth center—they were experimenting with it. When my PO showed up a few minutes later, it was just horrible timing. Like the worst timing possible,” he admitted. It felt good to tell the truth to someone after all this time keeping his mouth shut. He trusted his mother to keep his confidence.
“WHAT?!” she said, much louder than he’d expected. Apologetically, she put a hand over her mouth and then spoke at a more normal volume. “You spent thirty days in fecking prison for someone else? Are you an eejit?”
“Ma!” He gaped at her, having never heard her curse before, even if it was in Irish. She always came back to her roots when she was the most upset, so he knew he’d better pay attention.
“Don’t Ma me. You seriously think the police would have arrested an eight-year-old? Especially a baby like Shea? They probably would have given her a stern talking-to and asked where she got it. If you were any more thick, you’d clot.”
“I know, that’s the problem. The adults would be the ones in trouble. Nora for having it in her desk, and Fiona would definitely have had to answer to Child Services. With everything she’s had to go through to keep Shea safe with her, who knows what would have happened with that? It wasn’t worth the risk. I’d have gotten in trouble either way for having it on me, so why bring down all these other people because of it?”
“I swear, if you weren’t the joy of my life, I’d clatter you in the jaw right now. I love that you watch out for other people, mo mhac. I swear I do, but…” Her hands were on her hips as she shook her head. “I raised you to always tell the truth. Always. This last month has been excruciating, missing you and seeing those sisters in such pain. Shea had such a hard time, and Fiona…maybe even worse. So much of this could have been avoided if you’d been honest from the first day with her.”
Kieran looked down at the tile floor, sighing. “You’re right, Ma. I should have told Fi about my past.”
Dee looked at him with half a frown, one hand on her hip. She let a beat of silence go between them as she took a deep breath. “I did raise a good kid, Kieran. You tried to do a kind thing, and I love you even more for that. I just wish it hadn’t cost you so much.”
He reached over to give her another hug. “I know, Ma. Let’s hope Fiona thinks the same way you do. Is she home?”