She considered that piece of information. “Do you think that’s why I crave deep pressure to feel secure or calm?”
“It’s probably the reason. I’m sure Risk could tell you if there’s any research on it.”
He wound and unwound her hair around his finger. She could practically hear the gears turning in his head. “What’s bothering you?”
With some reluctance, he finally answered her. “I don’t want you to think that I was turned on by ending that man’s life today.”
Aghast, she pushed up and stared down into his haunted eyes. “Venom, I don’t think that. I know how badly it affected you. I know that you don’t take pleasure in what you did.”
“I don’t. I hate that some calls end that way. I wish that we could save every single life we come in contact with—but we can’t. We can’t.”
“I know.” She caressed his jaw. “You don’t have to justify yourself to me. I understand that your line of work is filled with senseless violence. I don’t, however, think that you are senselessly cruel.”
“When I came home today after the debriefing, I was so grateful that you gave me some space to work things out and to decompress. I needed to work through the call a few times to make sure—absolutely sure—that we did everything we could to end it peacefully.”
She didn’t speak but continued to gently brush her hand down his neck and across his chest.
“Once I worked through all that head shit, I felt so agitated and antsy. All the adrenaline I had suppressed during the call just sort of rushed through me. I thought about checking out of here to go run until I dropped but then I realized that all I wanted was you. I wanted to feel connected to you again—but I was so afraid you would be disgusted by me.”
“Venom.” She ached for him. It couldn’t be easy to be the man everyone else relied on to end difficult and dangerous situations.
“I know,” he said softly and pushed into a sitting position. “I know you could never feel that way.”
“Never.”
He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingertips. “You ready for bed?”
Smiling, she confessed, “I’m not sure my shaky legs can make it that far.”
“That’s okay, sugar.” Venom swept her up into his arms and headed for the bedroom. “Sometimes I have to carry you and sometimes I need you to carry me.”
He meant emotionally of course but she decided to coax a smile from him with a teasing comeback. “Maybe I should start hitting the gym with Mayhem because I’m going to need to bulk up like Raze to lift your big behind like this.”
Venom grinned. “You let me handle your workouts. I’ll get you whipped into shape in no time.”
A quiver of anticipation struck her. “Maybe we could go a little light on the whipping.”
Venom placed her on the bed and pinned her in place with his big, sexy body. “No promises, sugar.”
Chapter Sixteen
The next evening, Venom entered their bedroom in search of Dizzy. It was nearly an hour before they were expected to arrive for Menace and Naya’s wedding ceremony but he had something special planned for her. He placed the long coil of his softest, lightest rope next to the dress she had laid out on the bed.
His fingertips ghosted down the strikingly beautiful fabric. She had paired a feminine salmon pink with a creamy white lace and bright ocean-blue ribbon accents. He marveled at the construction of the dress. She had told him this was a one-of-a-kind design she had sewn herself. Venom couldn’t wait to see it on her.
The sight of undies next to the dress made him frown. He had made an exception by letting her wear them to her wives’ club meeting but tonight? Oh no. Picking up her silky panties, he carried them back to the closet and tucked them into the drawer she had claimed.
His ears perked to the sounds she made while getting ready. The mysteries of this ritual still confounded him. Curious, he walked to the open door and leaned against the frame. For a long time he simply enjoyed the sight of her totally naked, her skin still pink and warm from their steamy shower.
“I thought I told you that you were forbidden from coming in here until I was finished.”
He grinned at her playful scolding. After pinning her to the wall of their shower for some hot, soapy sex, she had banished him from the bathroom. It was a smart move considering he was always craving her. Even now he had to give his dick an at ease rather than indulging his desire to bury it in her slick, snug sheath again.
“I heard strange sounds and decided to investigate.”
“Uh-huh.” She smiled at his reflection in the mirror but didn’t pause the application of her eye makeup.
The tiny brushes she used to paint color on her eyelids and lips fascinated him but he thought it was a waste of her time. “You don’t need that. You’re already the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
She lowered the brush and turned to face him with the sweetest expression on her face. “Thank you.”
He shrugged. “It’s true.”
She turned back to the mirror. “I don’t wear it because I think I’m not pretty enough. I wear it because it’s a complement to my outfit. A little sweep of color on my cheeks and smokiness around my eyes completes the picture.”
“If you say so…”
“I do.” Her smile turned a little wistful. “I used to sit on my mother’s vanity to watch her put on her makeup. She would let me play with the eye shadow and lipstick. I always think about her when I’m getting ready.”
The mention of her mother spurred thoughts of the message from her friend Ella. After Dizzy had let him listen to it he had put in a private call to Pierce because he was concerned Jack Lane might be in real danger. If there was any chance Jack could be useful to the cause the Shadow Force would snap him up and put him in protective custody. Venom didn’t dare tell Dizzy what he had done. He hated the idea of getting her hopes up about contacting her father just yet.
“That’s a snazzy uniform.” Dizzy closed up her makeup pots and tubes and stuffed them back in their small case. “Is it a dress uniform?”
“Yes.” He smoothed his hand down the front of the formal uniform shirt. “I haven’t pulled this one out of the closet since Vee and Hallie exchanged rings.” He rolled his neck and grimaced at the heaviness of the uniform. “It’s not my favorite thing to wear.”
“You look so handsome.” She rested her hands on his chest. “You have a lot of medals and stripes.”
He hoped she wouldn’t ask how he had earned most of them. They weren’t memories he wanted to dredge up before such a happy occasion as witnessing Menace and Naya’s wedding ceremony. “Are you finished in here?”
“I am.”
He clasped her hand and pulled her toward the door. “Come with me. I want to do something special before the wedding.”
She tugged back on his hand. “Venom, I don’t want to mess up my hair.”
He laughed as he realized she thought he meant another tumble in the sack. Stepping toward her, he slid his hand along the curve of her back to cup her plump bottom. Brushing their mouths together, he murmured, “Sugar, I can think of a dozen different ways to have you that wouldn’t knock a single hair out of place.”
She gulped. “A dozen, huh?”
Chuckling, he kissed her swollen pout. “I’ll show you later. Right now I have other plans for you.”
She didn’t fight him this time as he led her back into their bedroom. When her gaze fell on the bed, she scowled. “Where are my panties?”
“You should know the rules by now.” He reached down to cup her bare sex. “This is always available to me.”
She rolled her eyes and teasingly pinched his arm. “Venom, it’s one thing for me to run around our quarters like this but I can’t go out in public with my bottom uncovered.”
Certain it would frustrate her, Venom insisted, “You can and you will. End of discussion.”
Dizzy huffed but didn’t press the argument. “Whatever.”
The blush of excitement staining her cheeks convinced him that she wasn’t that put out by his order. Picking up the rope, he said, “I’m going to bind you for the wedding.”
“What? You mean under my clothing?”
“Yes.”
She eyed the rope critically. “But what if someone sees the ropes under my clothing? My dress is lined but if the fabric pulls tight…”
He swept his fingertips along the swell of her breast. “Then they’ll know you belong to me and that you’re pleasing me by wearing something I created.”
The submissive smile she offered did funny things to his heart. From the moment he had spied her that snowy morning, Venom had suspected he would be the first to fall in love. He had been preparing himself for taking a bride and starting a family for much longer than Dizzy so it was only natural that his feelings for her would take a serious turn much more quickly.
As she lifted her arms and relaxed her shoulders to accept his intricate rope work, Dizzy showed that her trust in him was growing. The way she had sought him out last night convinced him that she cared for him. Their easy friendship was slowly morphing into something much more intimate and powerful. It would be some time before either felt comfortable proclaiming their love for the other—but he had no doubt it would happen.