“It is not my place to decide right and wrong, Katy.”
“But when you sentence them to death, aren’t you playing judge, jury, and executioner?”
Ivan stares up at the ceiling. “No. I am just the executioner.”
“Then how do you know if what you’re doing is right?” I press him, my arms now tingling from the effort of keeping the gun held up.
“I don’t!” Ivan explodes. “I follow orders, Katy! I do my job! But I try my best to seek out justice, not revenge. I want to balance the scales, solnishka, not tip them. But in the end I am just an employee.”
“Then what is your excuse for killing my dad, huh?” I shoot back. “If you’re just following orders then why did you go after him? I know for a fact that it wasn’t an order. So, what, did you just decide to do a little freelancing on the side?”
“You are correct about that, Katy. The Bratva did not order your father’s death,” he agrees gravely.
“Then why?” I implore, my arms wide open. I don’t even care about holding the gun anymore. I already know it’s hopeless. I don’t stand a chance against this man.
But Ivan doesn’t lunge for me like I expect him to. Instead, he calmly explains, “The man who killed your father did not do it because he was instructed to do so. Your father was a good man, and he did nothing to deserve such a cruel end. His killer was not acting out justice. He was filled with misplaced rage and frustration, and he dealt with it the only way he knew how. I promise you, Katy, your father was a good man, and his killer knew that. Perhaps that is really why he wanted him dead. In this business, we are surrounded by darkness, by evil and danger. We do not trust anyone or anything but our own sense of right and wrong. And there are things we cannot have — peace, stability, love — it comes with the territory. We live between the black and white, Katy. We are the gray. It is our lot in life, and only as long as we can accept that can we survive. The man who did this… he looked at your father and saw all the things he could not have, and resented him for it. Envy is a monstrous thing, my love. It creates monsters out of mere men. This man did not take your father’s life to balance the scales, to remove an evil from the world. He did it because he was jealous and angry and because killing is the only thing he knows how to do. Violence is his only outlet. And because he stepped outside the gray for a moment to stand in the light which does not belong to men like him — like me — your father died.”
“Is that a confession?” I ask darkly.
“No,” Ivan says firmly. His gaze is steely and true. “In fact, I can prove to you that I am innocent. After you told me of his death, I did some research of my own. Katy, I know who killed your father. And if you let me, I can show you the proof.”
17
Katy
I can already feel tears in my eyes as the old VHS player starts to load the tape, like a sense of dread building up in the pit of my stomach. Everything in me wants to tear my eyes away from this, to just bolt out of the cottage and run away.
But I keep my eyes steadily forward, my knuckles white as I ball my hands into fists from the pent-up storm of emotion brewing inside me. I want to believe him. More than anything, I want to be wrong about Ivan.
The screen lights up as the tape begins to play.
I see Dad sitting in his office, now my office, shuffling through paperwork. I feel a tug at my heartstrings as I watch him, looking just like I remember him before leaving for college. This feels like watching a ghost. It feels wrong. At my side, I can sense Ivan wanting to put a hand on my shoulder, but he restrains himself. Instead, he narrates through the silent footage.
“As you know, your father owed protection money every month,” he starts. “Like you, he was always punctual. It was a close call, sometimes, but from what I’ve heard of him, he was as diligent a bookkeeper as he was a manager.”
The next thing I see makes my heart plummet. The door of the office gets kicked open, and my dad nearly jumps out of his skin at who walks in.
Konrad. Oskar and Nic are close behind him, though they hang back as Konrad moves straight for Dad’s desk.
“But sadly, he was assigned to collect from you,” Ivan continues, “Konrad collected from your father. He used to be in charge of collections instead of Oskar, a fact he’s still bitter about to this day. And just like with you, he got rough the one time your father was unable to make his monthly dues.”
There’s no sound on the video, but I can almost hear Konrad’s horrid voice yelling at Dad.
“You went to college that year, and your father insisted on paying your tuition. That’s what cut into his income just enough to bring him short of his dues. When your father couldn’t make his payment, Konrad demanded a different form of compensation,” Ivan says with disgust in his voice. “He demanded you, Katy.”