Louisa shook her head. When she'd found out about that damn staff meeting, she should have realized then, but she'd let him sweep her concerns away. Same as she did whenever she talked about going back to the palazzo. He need only touch her and poof! Her arguments disappeared.
Because nothing felt as safe and perfect as being in his arms.
"All I wanted was to help," Nico continued. "I thought it would make you happy."
"Well, it didn't," she said, sitting down. Kind of ironic they would be arguing about this in the same spot where they'd kissed a few days earlier. The harvest festival had been one of the most magical days of her life.
How much of those memories were real? "What else have you influenced without my knowing?" she asked. "Oh my God, the baptism. Did you ask your sister to make me Rosabella's godmother?"
"No. Of course not. No one tells Marianna what to do. You know that."
"Maybe. I don't know what to believe anymore." Other than knowing she'd created some of the problem herself, that is. Leaning on Nico came too easily. His strength made her feel too safe. What was it she'd said the day of the festival? You'd rescue me. From the moment the news about Luscious Louisa broke, she'd come to rely on him to catch her when she fell.
"I'll tell you what you can believe," Nico said. He was kneeling in front of her, holding her hands, his eyes imploring her to let him catch her one more time. "You can believe that I would never try to hurt you. I love you."
"I know." If only he realized, his saying he loved her only made things worse.
Suddenly, she understood why she'd been so frightened when he'd said those words earlier. Deep inside she knew that if she accepted his love, then she would have to acknowledge the feelings in her own heart. Nico was already her greatest weakness. Once she admitted her feelings, she'd lose what little power she had left. Before she knew it, she would be swallowed alive again. "I promised myself that would never happen again."
"What would never happen again?" he asked.
She hadn't realized she'd spoken aloud. Since she had, however, she might as well see her thoughts through. "I swore I would never let anyone control my life again," she told him.
"Control? What the...?" Nico sat back on his heels. "I'm not trying to control you."
"Maybe not on purpose," she replied. No, definitely not on purpose. "You just can't help yourself."
Same way she wouldn't be able to help herself from letting him.
"Goodbye, Nico." She pulled her hands free. "I'll pick up my things later on."
"I'm not Steven."
She was ten feet away when he spoke. The comment was soft, barely loud enough for her to hear. Turning, she saw Nico on his feet, hands balled into fists by his side. "I'm not Steven," he repeated, this time a little louder.
"I never said you were."
"Then stop running from me like I am!"
Didn't he get it? She wasn't running from just him. She was running from herself, too.
CHAPTER TWELVE
NICO STARED AT the vine-covered wall. Once upon a time, climbing to the other side meant escaping the turmoil that engulfed his house and finding tranquility. Too bad that wasn't possible anymore. Only thing crossing the wall would do today was make the pain in his chest more acute. Either because he didn't see Louisa or because he did, and she pushed him away again.
He was still trying to comprehend what had happened the other night. One moment he was declaring his love, the next... How had everything gone so horribly wrong?
"Signor?"
He forgot that Mario was waiting for an answer. They were scheduled to harvest the fields at the palazzo today. The final field of the season, Nico always saved it for last because the grapes took the longest to ripen. Mario wanted to know if he planned to check on the workers' progress. Thus the quandary over crossing the wall.
"You go ahead," he decided. "You can supervise on your own."
The young man straightened. "If you think so."
"I do." No need for the student to know that Nico was a coward, and that was why he didn't want to visit.
Besides, there was someone else he needed to speak with.
* * *
Marianna answered the door in a long floral dress, looking uncharacteristically tousled and unmade-up. Holding Rosabella on her right shoulder, she looked him up and down. "You look worse than I do," she remarked, "and I haven't had a good night's sleep in days. What's the matter?"
"I think I might have messed up," he replied.
"Messed up how?"
"With Louisa." As briefly as he could, he explained what had happened a few nights earlier, including what happened with Dominic.
"Tell me you didn't," she said when he finished.
"I was trying to help," he said. Why did everyone have a problem with him talking to the banker? "I gave my recommendation, same as I would for Rafe, or Ryan, for that matter."
"But we aren't talking about Rafe or Ryan-although it's nice to know you would speak on my husband's behalf-we're talking about Louisa. A woman who found out her husband had been lying to her about everything. And you went behind her back. Twice!"
"To help," Nico reminded her. "Steven Clark was a thief."
"Yes, I know, but surely you can see how keeping a secret, even a well-meaning one, would feel like a betrayal to her?"
Yes, he could.
"You owe her a very large apology," Marianna told him.
"If only the solution was that simple."
"You mean there's more?" The baby started to squirm, and she switched shoulders. "What else did you do?"
"Not me-her ex-husband."
"What did he do? Besides steal from all those people?"
Nico ran a hand through his curls. He'd already said too much. Having already broken Louisa's faith, he didn't dare break it further. "Let's just say he believed in holding the people he loved as close as possible."
"Oh. I think I understand."
"You do?"
"I think so. And if I'm right, then yes, you've messed up very badly."
"She accused me of trying to take over her life. I wasn't," he added when Marianna arched a brow.
"Not intentionally anyway," she murmured.
"Louisa said the same thing."
That his sister laughed hurt. "Poor Nico," she said, using her free hand to pat his knee. "It's not your fault. It's your nature to want to rush in and take over. You tried to with Ryan and me when I was pregnant."
"Great. So now you're saying I tried to control your life, as well."
"Don't be silly. I'm used to you. I learned a long time ago to ignore you when you start giving orders I don't feel like obeying. But I'm not someone like Louisa who is struggling to rebuild her life. I can imagine your interference would make her feel very powerless. Especially since you kept your actions secret. Why didn't you tell her?"
"Because I..." Because he knew she would tell him no. "I was trying to help," he finished, as if his intentions excused his actions. "I wouldn't have talked to Dominic if I didn't have faith in her."
"I know you wouldn't, but can you see how someone in Louisa's position might see things differently?"
Yes, he could. Especially someone who'd spent so many years trapped in a controlling relationship. Nico washed a hand over his face. So focused had he been on making Louisa happy, he'd let his desires blind him to what she truly needed. "I'm no better than her ex-husband, am I?"
"Your heart was in the right place."
Small comfort when life blows up in your face. He'd trade his good intentions for having Louisa back in a second.
At that moment, Rosabella started to squirm again, wriggling her tiny torso against Marianna's body. "I swear," his sister said, as she tried to make the baby comfortable, "this little one is part eel. Spends half her day squirming. Don't you, Rosabella?" She nuzzled the baby's curls. "You know what, why don't you hold her for a few minutes? Maybe Uncle Nico is what she needs to settle down."
Doubtful. He could barely keep himself calm at the moment. "Marianna, I don't think-" Too late. She deposited his niece in his waiting arms and he found himself looking into Rosa's big brown eyes. For the second time in his life, Nico's heart lurched.
"She's so little," he said, risking a finger stroke against Rosa's cheek. The baby responded with a sleepy blink.
"She likes you," Marianna murmured.