I just knew then that I had to release all ties with River. To accomplish that, I had to start from the very beginning …
… To the place where it all began.
The promise tree.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Before I burned my memories of him to ashes, I felt the need to say goodbye this time around and air out whatever grievances I had held on to. In doing so, I would truly be shutting the door to my past forever.
With my damn phone in hand, I dialed his number. And as expected, I knew he wasn't going to take the call. He had put me straight to voicemail. My temper threatened to overtake me the second I heard the familiar beep.
"Go date that model; I don't give a fuck! You think you've played me? Ha, well, the jokes on you. I hate you! I hate every damn thing about you, so we're even. I'm done fucking around. I'm done playing these stupid games. I'm going burn every-goddamn-thing that reminds me of you. I'm going to erase you from my fucking life and cut every-damn-thing that binds me to you. I'm going to start where this whole bullshit began, and I'm going to set it on fire! I'm setting myself free of you. You're nothing but a self-indulgent nitwit who loves to date airheads to make yourself feel validated. And as for me, I'll fucking give thanks the second I burn all that bullshit to ashes the second I get there. No more ball and chains. So, have a fan-fucking-tastic life, asshat!"
Ending the call, I took a deep breath and felt myself overcome by serene calmness. My body relaxed. The achy heart, flat and lifeless.
It was time to say goodbye.
Something snapped me out of my funk. I got to my feet and took a match that sat next to my candles before I yanked my purse off the table and hunted down my car keys. I was out the door, revving up the engine in less than five minutes time.
The drive on the 101 Freeway, heading north towards Oxnard, was filled with traffic. The hour and a half drive took another hour until I finally exited the ramp.
Upon seeing my old stomping grounds, I was awash with memories of River and I together. The simpler times.
My throat closed up as I took the road that led me to Mattie's home, and when I drove past it, my heart jackhammered against my chest.
Mattie, does she hate me now? Tears prickled in the back of my eyeballs, and I had to blink it away a few times before I sniffed as I took a slight turn towards the open field crowded with wild flowers and the small orange grove.
There were several scattered vehicles around, so I parked next to the pavement, past caring if I was going to be ticketed. All I cared about was getting on that hill and finally releasing the spiritual binding I had with him. It would erase him.
I was so consumed with my mission that I didn't even consider my footwear. As I trudged along the cultivated land, the three-inch booties dug its soles into the earth, making my trek a little strenuous. From the grove, it would take me another ten minutes to reach the hills. Another mile-hike up until I reached that blasted tree.
The muscles in my calves contracted with each step, but I couldn't care less. I just wanted to get this over and done with today, so I could get on with my miserable life without having to deal with my emotions concerning River. My life was in shambles, add on the heartbreak, and I should be in a mental institution. So yes, drastic measures had to be taken to ease the pain of losing him.
I was heavily panting the moment I reached the trail that led me to my destination. My back began to ache as I began to hike, all the while cussing my idiotic self for not thinking about proper footwear. With the sun beating down my back, I wiped a trickle of sweat across my forehead with the back of my hand before closing my eyes to take a lungful of air.
Juan's face flashed before my closed lids, watching me …
He was naked, mesmerized as he looked down on my helpless body propped up against the pillows he had lodged under my belly. He let out a satisfying groan, admiring his handiwork before his large hand took hold of my ankle, gliding it to the side, parting my legs while those rabid eyes hungrily gawked at my pussy, semen smeared on the sides of my thighs with a little bead hanging at the hood of my labia. He paused, admiring the sight before he reached down to his member and began to climb the bed, ready to ravage my weak body again.
I snapped my eyes opened as trepidation filled me, consuming me, fearing what my mind decided to torment me next.
Desperate to erase the images out of my thoughts, I mustered enough strength and began to almost run the uphill trail, never stopping even though my legs were threatening to buckle. I fought on until the large tree finally came into view. It was a hundred feet away off the trail, so I had to march off the path, stomping bushes, ragweed, and wild flowers along the way. The large oak tree shadowed over me as my eyes jumped from one boulder to the next.