The music, on the other hand, was provided by a small ensemble of albinos, their extraordinary skin like polished, blue-veined marble and their cascading hair like sea foam. Unlike the others these wore gauzy blindfolds that allowed them some vision. I presumed the reason for this oddity was that Clodia disliked their reddish eyes.
In such a company the talk, naturally, was of politics and war and foreign affairs. This was not one of Clodia’s artistic gatherings, so the two parasites kept quiet, grateful for a free meal and the radiance of their distinguished betters. The conversation stayed light while we stuffed ourselves, but with the after-dinner wine we got back to the one thing everyone really cared about. The legislations of the year that was ending were discussed, especially the amazing number of new laws rammed through by Caesar (most of them excellent and long-needed, although it pains me to admit it).
Crassus, to whom all deferred, reeled them off, counting ostentatiously on his fingers like a a fishwife totting up the price of a basket of mullets. Crassus had an excellent memory and a politician’s grasp of the relative importance of everything.
“First and most important, he passed his Agrarian Law, using public money to buy up the state lands in Campania and distribute them among twenty thousand of Pompey’s veterans and a few thousand of the urban poor, to ease the overcrowding of the city. The Senate balked at that one. Decius, you should have heard Cato bray!”
“I’m not surprised,” I said. “We’ve called it ‘public land,’ but the senatorial families have been leasing them at almost no cost for generations.”
“Including yours, Decius,” Clodia said.
“Including mine,” I acknowledged.
“Well,” Crassus continued, “there was Cato, railing and foaming at the mouth for almost an entire day, until Caesar threatened him with arrest.”
“Cato is a tiresome man,” Antonius said. Fulvia had moved closer to him than would have been deemed decent in any other household.
“That he is,” Crassus agreed. “Anyway, by next day the crowd was so big the assembly had to be held in front of the Temple of Castor, with Caesar reading off his new law from the steps. Pompey and I were there backing him, naturally, neither of us serving in any capacity but adding a little much-needed weight to Caesar’s side of the balance.
“Then Bibulus threw in his tame tribunes: Ancharius, Fannius, and Domitius Calvinus, to interpose their veto. The crowd grabbed the fasces away from Bibulus’s lictors, broke the rods, and used them to beat the tribunes. How can tribunes claim to represent the people when the people themselves rebel against them? Anyway, that was when Bibulus stormed off to his house and said he was watching for omens. He even said he was going to sanctify the whole rest of the year, so no official business could be transacted!” This raised a general laugh.
“What archaic nonsense!” Vatinius commented.
“Besides,” Bestia put in, “Caesar’s pontifex maximus and has the last word on any matter touching religion. I suppose Bibulus had to try though. It was the only weapon he had.”
“The result was,” Crassus continued, “Caesar not only got his law passed by the Popular Assembly, meeting in extraordianry session, he made the entire Senate confirm it and swear an oath to uphold it.”
The sheer gall of it was breathtaking. This was far more radical than the peevish reports I had received overseas.
“Except for Celer, I take it?” I said.
“Celer, Favonius, and the ever-reliable Cato held out the longest,” Vatinius said. “But in the end they swore to it along with the rest of us.”
“Who’s Favonius?” I asked.
“We call him ‘Cato’s Ape,’ “Bestia said. “That’s because he’s as loyal as a dog but not as dignified.” Another general laugh. I suddenly realized that Antonius and Fulvia had arranged their clothing, cushions, and coverlets so that their hands could not be seen. The boy’s face was redder than ever, and his mind did not seem to be on politics.
“That was the last significant resistance to Caesar,” Crassus said. The fingers began to go down in quick succession. “He remitted a part of the Asian taxes to help out the tax farmers, and he confirmed Pompey’s arrangements for the government of Asia. That took care of the three biggest issues.”
More fingers went down. “There was a reaffirmation of the absolute inviolability of a magistrate while in office—that one will cause Cicero trouble—a law for the punishment of adultery …”
“A marvelous piece of legal impartiality, coming from Caesar,” Clodia said. More laughs.