Sanctuary(98)

she could hear her own voice, pitching into panic, and the concern and hesitation in Bobby's when he answered.

I'm sorry, lo. I didn't ,ec a print like that. just those ones of you. Ab ... there wasn't any nude study. At least I didn't notice.

It was there. I dropped it. fullfacedown on the other prints. It was there, Bobby. just think for a minute.

It must have been there ... I mean, if you say you saw it.

His tone had been placating, she thought now. Sympathetic. But it hadn't been convinced.

Sick and shaky, she turned away from the phone, told herself it was useless to wish he hadn't called, hadn't told her. It was better, much better, to have the truth. All she had to do now was live with it.

From her bedroom window, Jo looked down on her sister and Giff. They made a pretty picture, she decided. Two young, healthy people locked in each other's arms, with flowers growing wild and ripe all around them. A man and woman sparkling with love and sexual anticipation on a summer afternoon.

It looked so easy, so natural. Why couldn't she let it be easy and natural for herself.)

Nathan wanted her. He wasn't pushing, he didn't appear to be angry that she kept that last bit of distance between them. And why did she? Jo wondered, watching as Gaff tipped Lexy's face up to his. Why didn't she just let go?

He stirred her. He brought her pleasure and set something to simmering inside her that hinted the pleasure would spread and deepen if she allowed it.

Why was she afraid to allow it?

In disgust she turned away from the window. Because she questioned everything these days. she watched her own moves, analyzed them clinically. Oh, she felt better physically. The nightmares and slickskinned panic attacks were fewer and farther between.

But ...

There was always that doubt, the fear that she wasn't really stable. Why else could she still see in her mind that photograph, the photograph of the dead woman? One minute her mother, the next herself. The eyes staring, the skin white as wax. she could still see the texture of the skin, smooth and pale. The shades and sweep of the hair, that artfully spread wave of it. The way the hand had been draped, elbow bent, arm crossed between the breasts. And the head turned, angled down as in shy slumber.

How could she see it so clearly when it had never existed?

And because she could, she had to believe she was still far from well. she had no business even considering a relationship with Nathan-with anyone-until she was solidly on her feet again.

And that, she admitted, was just an excuse.

she was afraid of him-that was the bottom line. she was afraid he would come to mean more to her than she could handle. And that he would expect more of her than she could give.

He was already drawing feelings out of her that no one else ever had. So she was protecting herself with cowardice that wore a mask of logic.

she was tired of being logical and afraid. Would it be so wrong to take a page out of her sister's book for once? To act on impulse, to take whatever she could get?

God, she needed someone to talk to, someone to be with. Someone who could, even for a little while, crowd out all these self-doubts and worries.

Why shouldn't it be Nathan?

she rushed out of her room before she could change her mind, and for once didn't even bother to grab her camera. she paused impatiently when Kate called out her name.

"I'm just heading out." Jo stopped at the door to the office. Kate was behind a desk covered with papers and brochures.

"Trying to get ahead of the fall reservations." Kate pulled a pencil out from behind her ear. "We've got a request to have a wedding here at the inn in October. We've never done that kind of thing before. They want Brian to do the catering, have the ceremony and reception right here. It would be just wonderful if we could figure out how to do it."

"That would be nice. Kate, I'm really on my way out."

"Sorry." she stuck the pencil back behind her ear and smiled distractedly. "lost my train again. I've been doing that all morning. I've got your mail here. I was going to drop it off in your room, then the phone rang and I haven't budged from this spot in two hours."

As if to punctuate the statement, the phone Tingled again, and behind her the second line beeped, signaling an incoming fax. "If it's not one thing, it's two, I swear. There you go, honey, you got a package there." she picked up the phone. "Sanctuary Inn, may I help you? "

Jo heard nothing but the beehive buzz in her own ears. she stepped forward slowly, could feel the air around her thickening like water. The manila envelope felt stiff in her hand when she reached for it. Her name had been printed on it in block letters in thick black marker.

Jo ELLEN HATHAWAY

SANCTUARY

lost DESIRE ISLAND, GEORGIA

The warning in the corner stated clearly: PHOTOS. DO NOT BEND.