Sanctuary(107)

Her eyes were eloquent, her lips pressed tight together. Nathan decided he had about five seconds to choose how to handle it. "How crazy? Like running-down-the-street-naked-and-warning-people-to-repent crazy? Or I-was-abducted-by-aliens crazy? Because I'm not entirely convinced all those abdijcted-by-aliens types are actually crazy."

Her mouth didn't exactly relax, but it did fall open. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah, I heard you. I'm just asking for clarification. Do you want a drink?"

she closed her eyes. Maybe lunatics were attracted to lunatics. "I haven't run naked in the streets yet."

"That's good. I'd have to think twice about this if you had." Because she started to pace, he decided touching her wasn't the best next move. He went back to the refrigerator to take out the wine and uncork it. "So, were you abducted by aliens, and if so, do they really look like Ross Perot?"

"I don't understand you," she muttered. "I don't understand you at all. I spent two weeks under psychiatric evaluation. I wasn't functioning."

He poured two glasses. "You seem to be functioning all right now," he said mildly and handed her the wing.

"A lot you know." she gestured with the glass before drinking. "I came within an inch of having another breakdown today."

"Are you bragging or complaining?"

"Then I went shopping." she whirled away, stalking around the room. "It's not a sign of stability to teeter on the brink of an emotion crisis, then go out and buy underwear."

"What kind of underwear?"

Eyes narrowed, she glared at him. "I'm trying to explain to you."

"I'm listening." He took a chance, raising his hand to ski fingers over her cheek. "Jo, did you really think I'd react to this by backing off and telling you to go away?"

"Maybe." she let out the air clogging her lungs. "Yes."

He pressed his lips to her brow and made her eyes sting. "Then you are crazy. Sit down and tell me what happened."

"I can't sit."

"Okay." He leaned back against the kitchen table. "We'll stand.

What happened to you?"

"I- it was ... a lot of things. Work-related stress. But that doesn't really bother me. You can use stress. It keeps you motivated, focused. Pressures and deadlines, I've always used them. I like having my time designated, my routine set out and followed. I want to know when I'm getting up in the morning, what I'm doing first and second and last."

"We'll say spontaneity isn't your strong suit, then."

"One spontaneous act and everything else shifts. How can you get a handle on it?"

"One spontaneous act," he commented, "and life's a surprise, more complicated but often more interesting."

"That may be true, but I haven't been looking for an interesting life." she turned away. "I just wanted a normal one. My world exploded once, and I've never been able to pick up the pieces. So I built another world. I had to."

He tensed, straightened, and the wine that lingered on his tongue went sour. "Is this because of your mother?"

"I don't know. Part of it must be. The shrinks certainly thought so. she was about my age when she left us. The doctors found that very interesting. she abandoned me. Was I repeating the cycle by abandoning myself?"

she shook her head and turned back to him. "But it wasn't just that. I've lived with that most of my life. I coped, damn it. I made my choices and I went for it, straight line, no detours. I liked what I was doing, where I was going. It satisfied me."

'Jo Ellen, what happened before, what other people did, no matter who they were to us, can't destroy what we are. What we have. We can't let that happen."

what I'm telling myself Every day. I started having dreams. I've always had very vivid dreams, but these unnerved me. I wasn't sleeping well, or eating well. I can't even remember if that started before or after the first pictures came."

','mat pictures?"

"Someone started sending me photographs, of me. just my eyes at first. just my eyes." she rubbed a hand over her arm to chase away the chill. "It was creepy. I tried to ignore it, but it didn't stop. Then there was a whole package, dozens of photographs of me. At home, on assignment, at the market. Everywhere I went. He'd been there, watching me." Her hand rubbed slowly, steadily over her speeding heart. "And I thought I saw ... more. I hallucinated, I panicked. And I broke."

Rage whipped through him, one hard, vicious lash. "Some as hard was dogging you, stalking you, tormenting you, and you're blaming yourself for crumbling?" His hands were steady now as he reached out for her, pulled her against him.