Salvation in the Sheriff's Kiss(54)

Her breath hiccupped in her throat. “Why did you let him do that?”

“Meredith, I...” His hand reached up and wiped at tears she hadn’t been aware had fallen. His fingertips, cool and calloused, grazed her skin. “I’m sorry.”

“But why?” He had told her he loved her. They’d planned a life together, even if they hadn’t gotten down to the details of an actual proposal. It had never been needed between them. They had understood it as a simple formality. In their hearts, they were already joined. And soon after, their bodies had followed. It had felt the most natural thing. And then it was gone, broken by harsh words seared into her soul. Even now, she could recall them with such clarity it was as if he spoke them yesterday. She shook her head, her lips pursed as she wrestled with her emotions. “You were so cruel. It was like you were suddenly someone else.”

He moved closer and rested his forehead against hers. She didn’t move away, ashamed of how much she needed his comfort.

“I hated myself for hurting you. You have to believe that.” He spoke with such urgency, his grip on her hands tightening.

“Then why did you?” She wanted to believe him. With each touch, each word she could feel the walls around her heart crumbling. But she had been so long without him and she needed to understand. Needed it to make sense, to make up for everything they had lost.

“Sheriff McLaren had just been killed and the trial had been a farce and I...” He pulled away and she could see the story of his pain etched into every inch of his skin. “Your father said you weren’t safe here and I needed to send you away. I argued with him, said I would protect you, but he was adamant. He wouldn’t tell me why but swore if I kept you here your blood and his would be on my hands. He said if I truly loved you, I would do whatever was necessary to keep you safe. So I did. I didn’t mean to be so cruel, but I was afraid if I wasn’t, if you thought there was a chance that you could change my mind, you wouldn’t leave.”

He was right. She wouldn’t have. She had believed in him—in them—and she never would have left it behind if she had any thought his rejection was a lie.

“Then you...” She stopped, afraid to ask, afraid the answer would be another truth she wasn’t prepared to hear. But she needed to know, and her need overrode the fear. “You did love me?”

His throat worked as he swallowed. He didn’t answer her for the longest time. Her heart stilled, her body held its breath. The fear returned until she wanted to fold in on herself to protect her heart.

His fingers trailed across her cheek, brushed her lips, his gaze traveling in their wake as if he were trying to memorize her.

“I love you still. I never stopped.” Pain darkened his eyes and when they found hers, she could feel it like a palpable, living thing. She hadn’t been alone in mourning what they had lost.

He loved her. He had always loved her. Everything she had secretly wished for welled up inside of her and threatened to spill out. How many nights had she lain awake and replayed the scene in her head when he had spoken those cruel words of rejection? A hundred? A thousand? Her head had told her to forget him. Her heart had refused. Maybe somehow it had known the truth.

“I don’t know what to say.” She wasn’t ready to admit the truth to him. She still loved him, too. She had tried not to, but she couldn’t help it. Her heart wanted what it wanted, and it wanted him. It always had. But could she afford to make herself that vulnerable again? The danger was still out there. Would he hurt her again in the name of protecting her?

“You don’t have to say anything. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I know that.” He smiled at her, but it was a sad smile and it broke her heart a little to see it. “But it doesn’t stop me from wanting it just the same.”

She opened her mouth to offer him something, anything to erase the pain in his eyes. There was a desperation to it that cut straight through her. But he shook his head, refusing her comfort before she could offer it.

“We need to find you a place to stay. Somewhere safe.”

“I’m safe here.”

The words came easily, released from somewhere deep inside of her where years of hurt feelings had never reached. Staying was dangerous. If she stayed, it could change everything. Or worse, it could change nothing.

“Meredith, we can’t...I won’t put you through that again.”

She smiled. If she recalled, and she did in vivid detail far more than a proper lady should, he’d hardly put her through it the first time. She’d come to him willingly, wantonly. And she had longed to do it again every minute since, to experience the joy of joining with someone body, heart and soul. She had never felt more connected to Hunter than in the hours they had shared in this room, exploring each other, learning things about each other on a level so intimate no one else would ever know.