“I have to protect my family.” The vehemence in her voice told him she had the determination to carry out her threat. But it took more than grit to watch a man die by your own hand. He ought to know.
“You go through with this and you’ll end up hanging from the end of a rope. Who will care for Ethan if that happens?”
Rachel faltered at his words. The weight of the gun pressed into her palm. After seeing what Shamus’s men had done to Caleb, she’d decided it had to end. She couldn’t stand idly by and watch Kirkpatrick destroy her family. The time had come to act. She had to protect them. But in her rashness, she hadn’t thought beyond the act itself to give the consequences much weight. She didn’t want to be deterred by the details. Now, Caleb made her face them and what it would mean if she went through with her plan.
“And what about Brody? He’s a hot-headed young kid who makes even more impulsive decisions than you. Who’s going to guide him through life, turn him into a responsible man? And what about Freedom? She’s like family to you, but I can guarantee the color of her skin won’t make it easy if she has to go out into the world and start all over again. Same with Foster because of his age. You think killing Kirkpatrick is going to fix things? It won’t. If anything, it’ll make things a heap worse.”
His words pummeled her, forcing her brain to work past the obstacles he threw in her path.
“I...I can claim it was self-defense,” she said. It was a weak argument, but not without merit. “Hunter knows Shamus has been harassing my family. He’ll believe me.”
“Donovan can believe what he wants, but in the end, he’s a man bound by law and my guess is he has too much honor to turn his back on that even if it means holding you accountable for your actions.”
“But Shamus deserves to pay for what he’s done!”
“And you think this is the way to do it? Have you ever watched a man die, Rachel? Because I can assure you that once you do, you won’t ever look at anything the same way again.”
“Is that why you don’t wear your guns? Because you had to watch that young man die? That wasn’t your fault. He left you no other option.”
Caleb shook his head, the pain of the memory etched into the lines of his face. “I made a promise to myself I wasn’t going to shoot another man and I mean to stick by that.”
“Not even to protect yourself? If you had been wearing your guns, Shamus’s men would never have been able to jump you.”
“I won’t do it.” Fierce determination clasped around each word.
“Well, I will. I’m going to kill him.” Not wound him or wing him. It had to be a direct hit, a fatal shot.
She wouldn’t get a second chance.
Caleb took a step closer until there was little space left between them. “Are you seeking justice or revenge?”
Rachel’s teeth clamped down. How dare he suggest such a thing! But a niggling worm of doubt crept into her heart. Could he be right? Was she trying to prevent him harming them in the future, or was she trying to make him pay for the past? Both had become so tangled and twisted in her mind she wasn’t sure she could recognize the difference any longer.
“He’s destroyed my family once already,” she whispered, unwanted tears springing to her eyes. Caleb’s image, rough and tired from his ordeal, swam before her. “I can’t let that happen a second time. I can’t lose everyone I love again.”
Caleb reached out and took the gun from her, slipping the weight of it into his own hand. Rachel glanced down, not wanting him to see her weakness. “Am I included in that everyone?”
One recalcitrant tear slipped out and splashed against the hand holding the gun.
She stared at it, the truth welling up inside of her, battling with her fear and begging to be released. “You are.”
His free hand lifted and cupped the side of her face, forcing her to look up and meet his eyes. The curtain shielding his emotions had been pulled back, and in their hazel depths she could see the promise of a different kind of life, the kind filled with love and companionship, laughter and hope. The kind of life she’d always dreamed of, but that had remained heartbreakingly beyond her reach.
“Then marry me.”
Chapter Nineteen
Rachel blinked, unsure she had heard him correctly.
“What?”
“I love you, Rachel Sutter. I tried not to, honest I did. You were an unwanted complication. But every day I spent with you made me realize I had to have you, and now every time I try to imagine my life without you I don’t like what I see. It’s empty and joyless and—” He stopped and shook his head.