We. As if she had a say in any of this. The land was his, the decisions were his. She was nothing more than a bystander in her own life, waiting for the ax to fall.
She nodded her agreement. What choice did she have?
Caleb remained where he was. She could feel his gaze upon her, though she didn’t dare look up to meet it. Defeated, she feared one glance into those hazel eyes and she’d be lost.
“What did your mama do to make you so determined to be nothing like her?”
Chapter Thirteen
Rachel blinked, staring down at his hand where it covered hers. It was a painful subject, an even more painful memory. “My mother was a selfish woman.”
“In what way?” He squeezed her hand, sending a shiver up her arm to her heart.
“When I was ten, Pa had to leave to work in the railroads. The winter had been hard on us and we needed the money. While he was gone, Shamus Kirkpatrick started calling. He’d only recently bought the land bordering ours. At first, it was just social calls, but soon I noticed...”
“Noticed what?”
“They stopped visiting in the drawing room and moved it to the bedroom. When Shamus would leave, he’d see me in the kitchen and put his finger to his lips at the same time he placed a coin on the table. Like it was our little secret and I wasn’t to tell. After he left, Mama would come out, bright and chipper like nothing had happened. I might have been a child, but I knew what was going on wasn’t right.”
Caleb was quiet for a moment. “Your mama and Kirkpatrick had an affair.”
“It wasn’t just an affair, Caleb. It was pure, unadulterated selfishness. She let Shamus have his way with her like a common whore, putting her own desires before her family, and it destroyed us.”
“Did you ever confront her?”
She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut against the ugly memories. It did no good. They kept coming, like waves crashing the shore. “Every time Shamus showed up on our doorstep I felt sick inside. And each time he left, he’d put his finger to his lips to let me know I was to keep quiet. I couldn’t stand it any longer and demanded Mama stop or I would tell Pa what she was doing.”
“What did she do?”
Rachel opened her eyes at Caleb’s gentle probing. She didn’t know why he cared, but something about telling the story relieved her. Not that it was any secret in town what had occurred. Shamus had made sure of that.
“Mama begged me not to tell. She said it would destroy our family if my father knew. She said we needed the money and that Shamus had promised to help us out, but he wanted something in return. Mama was a beautiful woman. He didn’t care that she already had a husband. That’s the way he is. He just takes what he wants and to hell with who gets hurt in the process.”
“And did your mother get hurt?”
“Mama tried to make it sound like a sacrifice, but I saw the way she looked at the other ladies in town and the things they had that she wanted. Shamus gave her those things.” Rachel shook her head. “What everyone must have thought. They knew Papa was away, that we didn’t have the money to buy such things. The only way for her to get them was by—”
She cut herself off, unable to say the words.
Unshed tears burned her eyes and Caleb’s handsome face swam before her. He’d remained motionless while she spoke, his thumb slowly caressing the palm of her hand where he held it.
“What Mama did, she did for herself.”
“What happened?”
Rachel took a deep breath and continued. “I told her I was going to tell Papa. It made me sick carrying around the shame of her secret. But Mama promised if I kept quiet, she would never see Shamus again and as far as I know she kept her promise. He never came to our house again. Pa returned a month later, but by then, the damage had been done.”
“What kind of damage?”
“The kind that shows up nine months later.” Rachel stared down at her lap, unable to meet Caleb’s gaze. She didn’t think she could stand to see his pity.
“Brody,” he said, quickly putting two and two together and saving her from revealing it herself.
Rachel nodded. “He knew Brody wasn’t his. It sent him into a tailspin. He couldn’t reconcile what she had done. He was angry. When he begged me to tell him what I knew, I couldn’t keep her secret any longer. I thought if I told him the truth, maybe we could be a family again.”
“But that didn’t happen.”
Rachel shook her head. “No. It made things worse. I think Pa tried. He loved Mama, but in the end, her betrayal was too much. One day Pa left the house with his gun. I thought he was going hunting, but he didn’t return. The next day Foster found him. He’d ridden down to the creek, to his favorite fishing spot and killed himself.”