"You know, it's just the service I offer to all my captives."
I laugh, my lips spreading into a grin. "Oh yeah?"
"Totally. Much more fun with you though."
"Oh?"
"Well, most of the people I kidnap are hairy middle-aged guys."
I snort out a laugh as I bring my glass to my lips, sipping at it as my eyes try and peek through into him. Because there's this light side of him, too. There's the dark side, like just now when he was commanding me and dominating me. But I'm slowly learning the Connor who's here sprawled nude on this couch drinking whiskey and making jokes.
I glance around, again, taking in how amazing his loft is. Distinctly masculine and yet tasteful, and full of really nice stuff. Amazing vintage furniture, framed art on the walls - even a pool table off in one far corner.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"How do you afford this place?"
"You've seen the neighborhood, right?"
I grin, and he smirks right back.
"Oh don't worry, it's ‘up and coming.' I'm expecting a Starbucks in about twenty years."
I smile into my drink.
"The building belongs to my organization. And the rest of it?" He shrugs. "I like nice things. I didn't have shit growing up, and I do well, so now I do."
I nod, sipping my drink.
"So, explain something to me."
I raise a brow as his words.
"Explain how someone like you burns a guy's practice room down."
"It was a garage."
He snorts, chuckling. "Well damn, girl."
"I- it's complicated."
"I'm listening."
I shrug. "I figured out he was cheating on me."
"So you burned a garage down? Jesus."
"Well, no, it's not just the Jayson thing, I guess."
Connor just looks at me, his face neutral, his eyes holding mine like he's genuinely waiting to hear more.
And for whatever reason, I let it all spill.
"I've been having this thing where I feel like the rest of the world is moving on with their lives and I'm just stuck in this rut I've dug for myself. You know? Like, for instance, this grad program I'm in at Boston University. I worked really hard to get here, and I'm supposed to love what I do, but I've just been avoiding it. Does that make any sense?"
He nods.
"I haven't even been going to class, actually, and I think I'm going to fail out. And then I have this whole big family, and I'm supposed to be the good one, you know? Like, I have two older sisters and two brothers. Ivy quit college to run this lifestyle blog, which was the dumbest thing ever. And Stella dropped out too when she got pregnant by some douchebag who then took off. And Rowan is just-"
I laugh, shaking my head and slugging back a big sip of whiskey.
"For whatever reason. Rowan is just the family fuck up. I mean, he pulled all this shit when he was a kid, and he's constantly not living up to my dad's eyes, and he owns a dive bar. Then there's Kyle, my little brother, but he's the anomaly. He was always the smart genius of the family, so he's doing fine. But the thing is, all of them are doing fine now! Better than fine, they're doing great now. Ivy's a freaking internet star, and she found her true love with her old boyfriend. And Stella's kicking ass as this amazing single mom, and she's an awesome nurse too. And fucking Rowan is even finally winning at life. He's married and got a kid on the way, and his stupid dive bar is killing it."
I break only long enough to slug back more whiskey.
"So then there's me. And I'm supposed to have it all figured out, but I don't know if I'm in the right place and I don't know if I like what I'm trying to be. I've been pushing my friends and family away, and finding out Jayson, who was already the lamest, crappiest boyfriend ever, was cheating on me, I guess it was the last straw. I went to his practice space to talk, but when no one was there, and I saw the gas, and I was drinking and … "
I finally just trail off, realizing that besides my prattling on, the room is silent. I glance up, and I realize I've been talking like a crazy person for five straight minutes.
Connor whistles slowly. "Wow."
I look down, scowling. "Yeah, sorry."
"No, that was good."
"You think I'm a crazy person now, don't you."
He shakes his head. "I don't."
I roll my eyes. "C'mon, I know how you see me."
"Enlighten me."
"Crazy privileged girl having a quarter life crisis?"
"Believe me, I've seen a lot worse."
I take a big drink. "You ever burned down a garage?"
"Two. And an apartment building, an underground gambling spot, and three cars." He frowns. "Four cars."
I blink in surprise - and maybe a little fear - as he shrugs.
"Trust me, princess, you're not going to find judgment here on burning down some shitty hipster's shitty band's practice space."
I smile. "Thanks for letting me vent."
"Sláinte." He clinks his glass to mine.
We finish our drinks, and when I yawn, he does the same.
He's grabbing a pillow and a blanket and laying them out on the couch, and for a stupid, silly minute, I want to ask him to come to bed with me. But I push that away.
That's not what this is - not with someone like me and someone like him. What happened earlier blew my mind and is by far and away the best sex I've ever had, but it's not more than that. And quarter life crisis or not, I know that.
We're two very different people trapped by this, and that's all this is.
I've slipped the pair of his boxers on again, and I'm pulling on the undershirt when I glance over at him.
"Do you mind if I turn my phone on?"
He gives me a long look before he nods. "Yeah, sure."
The phone stays dark in my hands when I try.
"Do you have a charger?"
Connor looks up and frowns. "For that?" He shakes his head. "Don't think so."
I pick up my bag from the other night and paw through it, making a face. "Damn, I know I had one in here."
"Might have fallen out in the car."
In the car on the night he took me, but neither of us actually has to say that out loud.
"Mind if I go get it?" I shrug. "I just want to check in and see how everyone's doing."
Connor sucks at the insides of his cheeks, mulling it over as he eyes me.
"Look, I'm not going to run. This is the safest place, right?"
He nods.
"Plus this place comes with a great shower, and pasta, and decent sex."
Connor grins. "Decent, huh?"
"It's okay."
He laughs and shakes his head as he walks to a hook on the wall and turns, tossing me the keys.
"No joy rides."
"I'd have to actually learn to drive stick first."
"Let's not make tonight the night you fuck up my clutch then."
I wink as I twirl the keys in my hand and step past him for the elevator.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sierra
"Hey."
"Hey Si-Si," my older brother Rowan chuckles on the other end of the line, using the nickname I kind of hate but also sort of love. "How's finding yourself."
"Heard that, did you."
"Oh, you know us Hammonds. Word travels faster than high school gossip with this crew."
I grin.
"Hey, Sierra!"
I can hear Eva, Rowan's wife in the background.
"Eva says hi."
"Yeah, I can hear her. HI EVA!" I yell into the phone. "Tell her I-"
"Yeah, no, she heard you. Now I can't, cause my fuckin' ears are ringing."
I grin. "How's the Grand Canyon?"
"Grand. How's avoiding my question?"
I sigh, sinking back into the leather bucket seat of Connor's jet-black Charger, the phone cord plugged into the adaptor of his dash cigarette lighter.
How's finding myself.
Oh, wonderful. I've found myself having the best sex of my life with a murderer and now I'm in hiding with him after witnessing the Ukrainian mob commit murder. What are you having for dinner tonight?
"It's good," I lie.
"Everything all right?"
"Yep."
"C'mon talk to me Si-Si."
I smile even though he uses the dumb nickname again.
"This have anything to do with that Jayson douche?"
I frown. "How'd you-"
"Dude, there are no secrets in this fucking family. How have you not picked up on that in twenty-three years? I heard about him from Eva."
I grumble.
"Cause, like, Ivy told Eva," I crack up at Rowan's sing-song mock valley-girl voice. "And I heard that Ivy talked to Stella, who talked to you, and OH-EM-GEE, you would not believe-"
"Okay, shut up."
Rowan chuckles. I'm silent and he sighs.
"There's, uh, there's something else."
My brow worries. "What?"
He clears his throat. "You know anything about a garage full of music shit going up in flames?"
My heart jumps into my throat. "Uh-"
"Shit," Rowan swears. "Jesus, Sierra, you don't fuck around do you?"
"It was-" I close my eyes, sucking in air. "Jayson called you?"
"No, the Boston Police called me. Well, they called Dad first, but he was snoozing out by the pool, so they called Ivy."
My hand goes to my mouth.
"Don't worry, I deleted the voicemail on Dad's phone."
"I can explain."
"You don't have to, I just want to make sure you're okay."