Safeword: Davenport(40)

"Are you saying you'd be better off if Garnet had never been in your life?"

"No! I'm saying that... Oh.” She let it rattle around in her head a bit. “So, you're telling me I should take the chance? Risk my heart again?"

"I can't make the decision for you, but I've heard lots of older people say their biggest regrets in life aren't the things they did, but what they didn't do."

Dana realized she was sitting on the edge of the sofa and pushed back, tried to relax.

"If we give it a go and get serious, I think I'll regret not playing with anyone else in the lifestyle. I have a chance to explore my kinks with others now, but if I dive into a relationship, it could mean I'll have only exchanged power with two men. Ever. I'm not ready to settle into monogamy."

"Maybe you should go to some play-parties. Or, perhaps a friend at the club you used to attend in Nashville would host you?"

She shook her head, started to say there wasn't, but realized maybe there was. “Yeah, there might be. I don't know, but I think I'll see."

"Whatever you do, I'd like to suggest you consider Zach's feelings, and let him know where your head is, what you're thinking."

"Damn, you're right. I've left him hanging for days. It's time to put my big girl panties on and be a grown-up."

Kirsten laughed. “I understand the two of you had an extended scene over the weekend, is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Not really. I had some misgivings about how easy it'd be to fall for him, but it's not hard to set troublesome thoughts to the side during a scene, convince yourself you'll deal with them later."

"That's part of the draw—you get to let someone else be in charge, absolving you of responsibility a little while.” She sat forward. “Dana, I want to remind you, if you hit a wall, or if something happens you have trouble dealing with, you can always call and make an appointment to come in earlier. For something big, like your conversation with Marcie, you have my home and cellphone numbers. I'm part of your support system, it's what I'm here for, but I can't help if you don't let me know there's a problem."

Dana called Zach on her way back to work, hoping to leave a message, but no such luck, as he picked up on the second ring. When he heard her voice he was quiet, so she dove right in with, “I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, I just needed some time before I knew what to say."

"And do you know what to say to me now?” His voice was icy, and her stomach sank. She'd hurt him. Damn.

Nervous, she attempted an ironic laugh, but it sounded bitter even to her own ears. “Maybe. I don't know. Mainly I wanted to apologize, I should've returned your calls earlier, you didn't do anything to deserve my avoiding you."

"Where are you now?” His tone wasn't quite as frosty, but was far from warm. Still, she looked at that as an improvement.

"In my car, on the way back to the office. Look, maybe I can take you to dinner this weekend? I realize I owe you an explanation—there's no excuse, it was rude, and I regret hurting you. I just...I wasn't in a good place, and didn't think I could handle the sound of your voice without breaking down. I'm working on it, but... I'm sorry."

"Thanks for calling, for trying to explain. How about I take you to dinner on the Delta Queen tomorrow evening? I can pick you up at your place and we can walk down. Or I can meet you in Coolidge Park if you'd rather."

"Dinner on the Delta Queen sounds nice, but I invited you to dinner, so it's my treat."

An hour later, Dana was pulling together fabric samples and paint chips on her drafting table when a shadow paused in her doorway. She looked up with a smile, but it froze when she saw who it was.

"Sue. I'm sorry I didn't return your call, but this isn't a good time. Please."

Sue closed the door and walked to her, talking fast, as if it were important to get this out as quickly as possible. “Marcie was wrong to say the things she did, and I'm sorry she hurt you. I know you loved my son with all of your heart, and I know you considered joining him, right after he was gone. I was so worried for you those first couple of months.” Sue reached her arm out and cupped Dana's face. “I still think of you as a daughter, and I'm happy you've decided to move on with your life. You have my blessings, Dana. If you ever find another man worthy of marrying you, I want an invitation to the wedding."

Dana had hardened her heart against a second onslaught, but this caught her completely off guard and the tears came anyway. She grabbed the box of tissues off her desk and attempted to catch them as they streamed from her eyes, not wanting her co-workers to know she'd been crying. Sue guided her to the sofa in her office and sat with her, silent while Dana tried to regain her composure.