Dana wasn't in the mood for small talk. She had an appointment with a client in four hours and wanted a conversation with Zach before she left. “Tell me your thoughts on safewords."
Zach looked uncomfortable as he reached for his milk, taking a drink before answering. “Bethany didn't have one. We got a lot of grief from our friends in the scene, but she was so submissive I don't think she'd have used it, and not giving her an escape clause made me more mindful and attentive. I couldn't assuage my culpability by telling myself she'd safeword if it was more than she could handle. I was fully responsible for stopping or slowing down, which I was quick to do if I thought she was having too much trouble."
"If she'd tried to stop something, how would you've handled it?"
"If she'd withdrawn her submission I'd have released her immediately. I had her obeisance because she surrendered it to me, not because I took it."
"She stopped a punishment once.” He sighed, giving a sad smile. “She'd lied about something substantial, and for one month nothing that went into her mouth was to be palatable. She had nourishment, but it was, for example, boiled cabbage and refried beans with mangos in them. Or it was food she liked, that looked good, but with an ingredient missing; like brownies with no sugar. I also put hot sauce in a few things—not so much she couldn't stand it—just enough to be uncomfortable. Shaved ginger gives similar results without the risk of burns, so I used it more frequently."
He ran his hands through his hair, agitated. “For the first couple of days she was restrained by a twelve foot chain attaching her collar to the base of the cross in the playroom. There were no padded pieces of equipment to lie or sit on within reach, and I allowed a throw rug and blanket after the first night. I released her after three or four days, but locked her bondage mitts on, so she didn't have use of her hands but could move freely around in the house as long as there were no doors to open. Since she couldn't wipe, I closed all of the bathroom doors so she'd have to ask permission. I wanted to make sure I was there to clean her up afterward."
Zach paused to get a drink, and Dana made a mental note to never, ever, lie to him.
"At about the two week mark she rebelled, said she didn't want to submit anymore—she wasn't a child and was tired of the rules. I quietly unlocked and removed her mitts, put them in the playroom and locked it before returning to my workshop. I stopped the catered food deliveries since she had her hands back, but I didn't tell her what to cook. I didn't tell her what or when to eat, when to go to sleep, or when to get up. I didn't do her morning inspection after her shower, didn't say anything when she wore sweats and a t-shirt to bed, didn't react when she sat on furniture. I was friendly, hugged her and gave quick kisses here and there, told her I loved her, cuddled in bed at night."
He raised a shoulder and dropped it. “I acted in the way I believe normal vanilla husbands do. She tried to force my hand by going on a shopping spree and spending way more than her monthly allowance. She also got a speeding ticket on the way home. I told her I was sure she'd budget better the next month, and how sad I'd be if she were hurt in a wreck. Three days after I took her mitts off, she came to me on her knees, begging my forgiveness. She was lost without my direction, without the safe boundaries I'd built around her. She was terrified at the prospect of making her own decisions, and she pleaded with me to take charge again."
"Is that why you freed her? You knew she'd change her mind?"
"No, I released her because she withdrew her submission. I hoped she'd offer it to me again, but once she said she didn't want to submit anymore, it ended our power exchange agreement."
"Okay, sorry—go on with the story. I'm assuming you accepted her back?"
"Yes. I informed her the one-month punishment started over and she happily agreed. I didn't lock her in the playroom for the first few days, as I felt she needed to be near me. I locked her to the bed at night, and had her lay on the floor near me while I worked, as a substitute. She asked me to punish her for overspending and for the ticket, but other than subtracting out the costs from her allowance the next two months, I did nothing—she hadn't belonged to me when she did those things and thus she didn't get absolution for disappointing me."
Zach stopped, looking at her with a fierceness in his eyes. “She needed a twenty-four/seven arrangement with restrictive boundaries, and extreme consequences if the rules weren't followed to the letter. It fell in line with my kinks, and I'm not declaring I did it all out of the goodness of my heart, but I'm not actively seeking someone who needs such intense management. I want a partner."