“You must hate me.”
Lola studied her pale, forlorn features. She felt many things, but none of them were hate. Roxanne’s treatment of her had been so insignificant compared to everything else going on in her life.
“No. I feel bad for you.”
Roxanne snorted. “That’s so like you. You’ve always been a good person, even to those who don’t deserve it. Like me. It’s annoying, really.” Roxanne wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry about the way I treated you. I had no idea what you were going through at home. Not that that matters. I shouldn’t have been mean to you no matter what.
“Most of all, I’m sorry I lost someone I love…” Roxanne’s lower lip trembled and she bit it, blinking her eyes. “Because of my actions…because I was jealous of you and hurtful and unlovable. Now I have to live with that. Live without Sebastian.”
She took a staggering breath. Tears trailed down her face, Roxanne uncaring of them as she kept eye contact with Lola. “I’m not worthy of it, not yet, but can you…forgive me? Please?”
Lola’s heart twisted as she stared at the broken girl standing before her; strong enough to admit she’d wronged Lola and asking to be forgiven.
She had just evolved in so many ways, so many wonderful, wonderful ways. Respect for her budded inside Lola.
Roxanne was going to be okay.
She moved for her and Roxanne flinched. Lola lightly hugged her, Roxanna’s perfume enveloping her back.
“I forgive you.” Lola paused. “But I do need to even the score.”
Roxanne pulled back, face drawn in fright. “What?”
“Just kidding.”
“Oh.” The relief on her face was comical. “Would you…like to hang out sometime or something?”
“Now you’re pushing it,” Lola said with a smile.
“Yeah. I suppose I am. So…I guess I’ll see you.” Roxanne turned and headed down the street.
Lola watched her go, marveling at the way people could change. She was an expert on that. If she’d never met Jack, she wouldn’t be the way she was. If events hadn’t taken her in the direction they had, she never would have met him. It was strange how things worked out.
She closed her eyes, stomach swirling, and went for a walk.
***
A fine sheen of sweat covered Lola’s skin when she reached their spot. Her throat was dry and she wished she would have thought to bring a bottle of water. Unruly locks of hair had fallen from her ponytail and were plastered to the sides of her face.
Not exactly how she wanted to present herself, but it didn’t matter because he wasn’t there. A warm breeze fluttered her hair in her eyes and she absently pushed it away, examining the rock and surrounding trees.
She reached out and ran her fingers along the jagged and smooth cool stone. How could an inanimate object hold so much meaning to her? This was the place where she’d been reborn, where Lola had found a reason to keep living. This was where she’d met Jack for the first time.
A rueful smile turned her lips upward. She remembered him now. He’d been so defensive, shoulders hunched, and the cruel words he’d spewed had allowed tears to flow more freely that had desperately needed to. It was odd how it had actually been cathartic, in some twisted way.
She remembered how he’d flinched, eyes tragic, features contorted in misery and regret. His lip had been split, a bruise on his cheekbone. Jack’s sorrow and anger had touched her in an unexplainable way. Even then she’d sensed something about him.
Too bad she’d blocked pretty much everything about that day from her mind for months. She wished she could block out that last night in her mother’s house from her mind as well.
Bob’s court date was in two weeks.
She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath, pressing her forehead against the stone, her heated flesh cooling against it. She spontaneously pulled herself up the rock, scraping her hands and knees in the process, and sat down. The sun beat against her back, through the light material of her hot pink tank top.
Lola pulled her knees to her chest and watched birds and squirrels navigate through the forest, finding solace in nature; the woodsy smell relaxing. She breathed deeply, in and out, as Blair had taught her through the yoga exercises they did together every other day.
It was hard to believe she only had one more school year left and she could leave Morgan Creek and all the bad memories. Lola swallowed, thinking of her mother. She had a lot of good memories of her too and she tried not to let the bad overshadow the good. Her mom’s absence made it hard to think that way.
She wanted to see her.
Blair told her to let herself heal, to focus on herself for a while and no one else. Lola couldn’t do it. She couldn’t entirely heal until she had answers. There were so many things she didn’t understand.