Safe and Sound(55)
It was just an unoccupied room with a bed and dresser. But the things that had happened in it, the things that had almost happened in it, had added a darkness to it; a menacing quality.
Lola went through the rest of the house, not sure what she was searching for. Peace, maybe. Closure, definitely. She didn’t find it. In fact, all she found was an empty house.
Her mother was gone.
***
Lola flung her coat down and kicked her shoes off. She stormed up the stairs to Blair’s office, shaking with indignation.
Blair sat at her desk, staring at a computer screen. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she wore purple sweats. She turned when she sensed Lola behind her, frowned at her drowned appearance.
“Everything okay?”
“Do you know where my mother is?”
Blair looked down, admitting her guilt without speaking a word.
“You knew she left and you didn’t tell me? Where is she?”
“Lola, she didn’t want you to know,” Blair started.
“Where is she?” Lola demanded. She couldn’t believe her aunt would keep such information from her. She’d been agonizing over her mother’s absence, wondering why she’d stayed away, and Blair had known. All this time she’d known she was gone.
Her aunt got to her feet. “She’s in a mental institution. Lana admitted herself the day after…after what happened to you. She’s sick, Lola, she has been for a long time. Lana suffers from depression and it’s gotten worse, gotten debilitating, since she married Bob. She’s getting the help she needs, so she can be a mother to you again.”
Lola swayed on her feet, bumped into the doorframe and stayed there, allowing it to support her. She didn’t know what she felt. Lola didn’t know what she should feel.
“Are you saying,” she began in a voice that trembled, “that all this time I’ve been wondering why she’s hasn’t been to see me, she’s been in some hospital? Why didn’t she call me, or write? Why hasn’t she contacted me in any way?”
“I don’t know, Lola.” She shrugged helplessly, sorrow etched into her features. “I only know what I was told.” Blair crossed the room, grabbed Lola’s arms. “But I know she’s doing it for you, Lola, she’s there for you. She filed for divorce from Bob; I also was told the house will be going up for sale soon.”
Lola stared at her aunt. “How do you know these things?”
“Social Services keeps in contact with her per her request and they relay the information on to me.”
“You could have told me.”
“It was Lana’s wish that I not tell you. I don’t know why. But…I wasn’t going to lie to you if you asked me outright. I’m sorry, Lola.”
Her mother loved her. She hadn’t abandoned her.
Lola started to cry and then the tears turned into laughter. “I thought she stopped loving me. I thought she didn’t want me anymore.” She wiped her eyes. “I feel…relief, maybe? I don’t know what I feel. Better somehow. Isn’t that crazy?”
Blair kissed her forehead. “It would be crazy if you didn’t. Come on, let’s get some warm clothes on you and some hot chocolate into you.”
***
She had gained some weight back. Lola’s cheeks weren’t so hollowed out; her ribs didn’t stick out quite so far. Blair tried and tried, but the woman just couldn’t cook to save her soul. Lola had slowly taken that over. Both of them were okay with it. Blair’s food experiments still continued; and continued to fail as well, but it was fun to have something to do together.
Lola’s mom couldn’t be replaced, flaws and all, but it was starting to not hurt quite so much. Blair had made a home for her, was her family, and took wonderful care of her. She was such a loving, sweet person.
Piper and Larry had even adopted her and slept with her every night. Her two security blankets against the night and all the scary things it held for Lola. The fur balls eased her anxiety, made her feel a little safer. Maybe it was dumb, but it worked.
School was over in two weeks. Things were still unsteady and at times awkward with Sebastian and Rachel, who were dating, but getting better. Apparently they’d started to talk more over the past year, both commiserating over Lola shutting them out, and had formed a bond.
After Sebastian wizened up and dumped Roxanne, Rachel took on a whole new meaning for him. He saw the light and the light was Rachel.
Lola was happy for them.
She dressed in jean shorts and a hot pink tank top, pulling her hair into a high ponytail. Wavy auburn wisps fell out and framed her face. Lola’s face finally had no stitches to mar it, no bruises to discolor it. She smiled at her reflection in the bathroom and twirled out of the cerulean blue room.