“I don’t…know,” was the best she could come up with.
“How do you not know that?” He turned away, muttered, “We used to tell each other everything. Now you won’t even answer a simple question.” Sebastian gave her a look full of frustration.
Lola said nothing.
“Lola,” Sebastian entreated. “Why won’t you give me a straight answer ever? If you never want to speak to me again, fine. If you want me to leave you alone, I will. But I have to know why first. Can you at least answer my questions? What happened?”
Lola swallowed and finally allowed her eyes to meet his. Sebastian had the saddest look on his face. How did she tell him she’d had no choice? It was suddenly hard to suck air through her lungs. Lola felt dizzy.
It was her fault. She’d been the one to cut their ties. But she’d had to. Because of Bob. He’d taken everything away from her. Why couldn’t she remember?
She stared at Sebastian. His eyes pleaded with her. How did she tell him that? Lola couldn’t.
“You didn’t do anything,” she choked out.
He exhaled noisily and shoved a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up. “I must have. You don’t just stop talking to your best friend of how many years without a reason, without a damn good reason.”
She wanted to tell him. Lola wanted to tell him everything. She literally ached to do so.
Lola saw him as the child she remembered from pictures; chubby with a cowlick on the crown of his head. She saw him as the six year old who stood up for her when someone pulled her hair in kindergarten. Hot tears dripped down her cheeks.
“What is it?” he asked quietly. “Talk to me, Lola. Please.”
She remembered her first kiss; awkward and sloppy at the age of eleven and shared with Sebastian. She saw him as he was at fourteen, holding her close when her cat Lucy died, even helping her bury her and attending the funeral in her backyard.
A sob escaped her and when she swayed from the weight or sorrow, Sebastian caught her. He squeezed her, his arms like gridlocks around her. Sebastian was warm and smelled like laundry detergent. His chin rested on her head.
Lola didn’t hug him back, but she pressed her cheek to his chest. She’d missed her friend so much. She owed him an explanation, she knew. Maybe someday. Not now, but someday.
It felt so different from when Jack’s arms were around her and that gave her pause. Jack’s arms felt right; Sebastian’s felt like a betrayal to Jack in a way.
“I have to go. He’ll…I have to go.” Lola pulled away. “Just…Sebastian…just know you never did anything wrong. You were always a good friend to me. The best,” she vowed, voice shaking.
His eyes searched hers. “Why are you talking past tense?”
Lola backpedaled. “I…I don’t know. I didn’t mean to.” She tripped over the curb and faced her house, Sebastian forgotten.
Heart pounding, she took a step toward it. Maybe he would be passed out. Maybe he wasn’t there. The car sat in the driveway. He was there. A bitter taste formed in her mouth, that of dread.
The house looked the same as it always did, yet seemed ominous. A sense of foreboding followed her up the sidewalk and to the door.
It was too quiet. Her pulse quickened, Lola’s throat went dry. Something terrible was going to happen.
Lola shoved the thought away. Everything will be fine, she lied to herself.
She fumbled with the doorknob with a hand that shook. It took her three times to get it open. The air was stale; it was so dark she couldn’t make out anything.
Lola quietly closed the door, stood still until her eyes adjusted. When they did, a scream was torn from her lips.
10
Bob was right in front of her, blocking the hallway that led to her bedroom. Lola couldn’t see his eyes, couldn’t see his face. Blackness, like his soul, had taken over his features.
He didn’t speak, didn’t move, and for one dizzying moment, Lola wondered if he was even awake. Then he reached for her, the smell of body odor and beer coming with him.
“You thought you were pretty smart earlier, huh, with your boy toy? Running off like that. What did you think was going to happen when you got back?” Bob’s sweaty hand encircled her bicep and squeezed so hard Lola winced.
Lola couldn’t breathe, felt like she might faint. Bob was drunk and furious. He was going to hurt her. Bad.
“What you been telling your boyfriends? What’d I tell you would happen if you went blabbing to people?” Bob shook her.
“I didn’t tell them anything!” she cried. Lola pushed at his hand; crazy with fear, but he only tightened his grip.
“Then why’d you run off like that, huh? Huh?” Saliva hit her face, along with his putrid breath, and Lola gagged and turned her head to the side.