They rode their bikes and went to the movies, and when Katie wasn’t working evenings, Alex liked to fire up the grill. The kids would eat and then swim in the creek until it was almost dark. After they’d showered and gone to bed, Alex would sit with Katie on the small dock out back, their legs dangling over the water, while the moon slowly traversed the sky. They sipped wine and talked about nothing important, but Alex grew to savor those quiet moments together.
Kristen particularly loved spending time with Katie. When the four of them were walking together, Kristen often reached for Katie’s hand; when she fell down in the playground, she’d begun to run to Katie. While it warmed Alex’s heart to see those things, he always felt a pang of sadness, too, because it reminded him that he could never be everything that his daughter needed, no matter how hard he tried. Still, when Kristen came running up to him and asked if Katie could take her shopping, Alex couldn’t say no. Though Alex made a point to take her shopping once or twice a year, he tended to view it more as a parental duty than an opportunity for fun. By contrast, Katie seemed delighted by the idea. After giving Katie some money, Alex handed her the keys to the jeep and waved from the parking lot as they left.
As happy as Katie’s presence had made Kristen, Josh’s feelings weren’t quite as obvious. The day before, Alex had picked him up from a friend’s swimming party, and he hadn’t said anything to either Katie or Alex the rest of the evening. Earlier, at the beach, he’d been subdued as well. Alex knew that something was bothering him and suggested that they get out their fishing poles, just as dusk was settling in. Shadows began to stretch across the blackened water and the creek was still, a darkened mirror reflecting the slowly drifting clouds.
They cast their lines for an hour while the sky turned violet, then indigo, the lures making circular ripples as they splashed into the water. Josh remained strangely quiet. At other times the tableau might have seemed peaceful, but now Alex had the nagging feeling that something was wrong. Just when he was about to ask Josh about it, however, his son half-swiveled in his direction.
“Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever think about Mom?”
“All the time,” he said.
Josh nodded. “I think about her, too.”
“You should. She loved you very much. What do you think about?”
“I remember when she made us cookies. She let me put the frosting on.”
“I remember that. You had pink frosting all over your face. She took your picture. It’s still on the refrigerator.”
“I think that’s why I remember.” He propped the rod in his lap. “Do you miss her?”
“Of course I do. I loved her very much,” Alex said, holding Josh’s gaze. “What’s going on, Josh?”
“At the party yesterday…” Josh rubbed his nose, hesitating.
“What happened?”
“Most of the moms stayed the whole time. Talking and stuff.”
“I would have stayed if you wanted me to.”
Josh dropped his eyes, and in the silence, Alex suddenly knew what he hadn’t said. “I was supposed to stay, too, wasn’t I. Some parent-child thing.” His tone was more a statement than a question. “But you didn’t want to tell me because I would have been the only dad there, right?”
Josh nodded, looking guilty. “I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
Alex slipped an arm around his son. “I’m not mad,” he said.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. I couldn’t be mad at you for that.”
“Do you think Mom would have gone? If she was still here?”
“Of course she would have. She wouldn’t have missed it.”
On the far side of the creek, a mullet jumped and the tiny ripples began moving toward them.
“What do you do when you go out with Miss Katie?” he asked.
Alex shifted slightly. “It’s kind of like what we did at the beach today. We eat and talk and maybe go for a walk.”
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately.”
“Yes.”
Josh considered that. “What do you talk about?”
“Just regular stuff.” Alex tilted his head. “And we talk about you and your sister, too.”
“What do you say?”
“We talk about how much fun it is to spend time with you two, and how well you did in school, or how good you are at keeping your room clean.”
“Will you tell her that I didn’t tell you that you were supposed to stay at the party?”
“Do you want me to?”
“No,” he said.