Safe Haven(64)

She sat on the edge of the bed, trembling, afraid of this place, afraid of the future, her mind whirling. She had to pee but she didn’t want to leave the room. She tried to tell herself that it was an adventure and everything would be okay. As crazy as it sounded, she found herself wondering if she’d made a mistake by leaving; she tried not to think about her kitchen and bedroom and all the things she’d left behind. She knew she could buy a ticket back to Boston and get home before Kevin even realized she was gone. But her hair was short and dark and there was no way she could explain that.

Outside, the sun was down but streetlights shone through the dirty window. She heard horns honking and she looked out. At the street level, all the signs were in Chinese and some businesses were still open. She could hear conversations rising in the darkness and there were plastic bags filled with garbage piled near the street. She was in an unfamiliar city, a city filled with strangers. She couldn’t do this, she thought. She wasn’t strong enough. In three days, she’d have no place to stay unless she could find a job. If she sold her jewelry, she might buy herself another day, but then what?

She was so tired and her back throbbed. She lay down on the bed and drifted off to sleep almost immediately. Kevin called later, the bleating of the cell phone waking her up. It took everything she had to keep her voice steady, to betray nothing, but she sounded as tired as she felt and she knew that Kevin believed that she was in their bed. When he hung up, she fell asleep again within minutes.

In the morning, she could hear people walking down the hall, heading for the bathroom. Two Chinese women stood at the sinks and there was green mold in the grout and wet toilet paper on the floor. The door to the stall wouldn’t lock and she had to hold it closed with her hand.

In the room, she had cheese and crackers for breakfast. She wanted to shower but she realized she’d forgotten to pack shampoo and soap, so there wasn’t much point. She changed her clothes and brushed her teeth and hair. She repacked the duffel bag, unwilling to leave it in the room while she wasn’t there, and slung the strap over her shoulder and walked down the steps. The same clerk who’d given her the key was at the desk and she wondered whether he ever left this place. She paid for another night and asked him to hold her room.

Outside, the sky was blue and the streets were dry. She realized the pain in her back had all but vanished. It was cold but not as cold as Boston, and despite her fears she found herself smiling. She’d done it, she reminded herself. She’d escaped and Kevin was hundreds of miles away and didn’t know where she was. Didn’t even know she’d left yet. He would call a couple more times, then she’d throw away the cell phone and never speak with him again.

She stood straighter and breathed in the crisp air. The day felt almost new, with endless possibilities. Today, she told herself, she was going to find a job. Today, she decided, she was going to start living the rest of her life.


She had run away twice before and she wanted to think she’d learned from her mistakes. The first time was a little less than a year after she was married, after he’d beaten her while she was cowering in the corner of the bedroom. The bills had come in and he was angry with her because she’d turned up the thermostat to make the house warmer. When he’d finally stopped, he’d grabbed his keys and headed out to buy more liquor. Without thinking, she’d grabbed her jacket and left the house, limping down the road. Hours later, with sleet coming down and nowhere to go, she’d called him and he went to pick her up.

The next time she’d gotten as far as Atlantic City before he found her. She’d taken money from his wallet and purchased a ticket on the bus, but he’d found her within an hour of her arrival. He’d driven his car at breakneck speed, knowing she would run to the only place where she might still find friends. He’d handcuffed her in the backseat of the car on the drive back. He stopped once, pulling the car over to the side of a closed office building, and beat her; later that night, the gun came out.

After that, he’d made it harder to leave. He usually kept the money locked away and started tracking her whereabouts obsessively. She knew that he would go to extraordinary lengths to find her. As crazy as he was, he was persistent and diligent and his instincts were usually right. He would find out where she’d gone, she knew; he would come to Philadelphia to find her. She had a head start, that was all, but with no extra money to start over somewhere else, all she could do was watch for him over her shoulder for the time being. Her time in Philadelphia was limited.