"Maybe I don't want to be defined by what I do. Maybe I'd like to be defined by what I am."
He considered the response. "Okay," he said. "Then who do you want to be?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"I wouldn't have asked you otherwise."
She stopped and met his gaze. "I'd like to be a wife and mother," she finally said.
He frowned. "But I thought you said that you weren't sure whether you wanted to have children."
She cocked her head, looking as beautiful as he'd ever seen. "What does that have to do with anything?"
The kids fell asleep before they reached the highway. It wasn't a long trip back, maybe half an hour, but neither Alex nor Katie wanted to risk waking the kids with their conversation. Instead, they were content to hold hands in silence as they made the drive back to Southport.
As Alex pulled to a stop in front of her house, Katie spotted Jo sitting on the steps of her porch, as if waiting for her. In the darkness, she wasn't sure whether Alex recognized her, but at that moment Kristen stirred and he turned around in his seat to make sure she hadn't woken up. Katie leaned over and kissed him.
"I should probably talk to her," Katie whispered.
"Who? Kristen?"
"My neighbor." Katie smiled, gesturing over her shoulder. "Or rather, she probably wants to talk to me."
"Oh." He nodded. "Okay." He glanced toward Jo's porch and back again. "I had a great time tonight."
"I did, too."
He kissed her before she opened the door, and when Alex pulled out of the driveway she started toward Jo's house. Jo smiled and waved, and Katie felt herself relax slightly. They hadn't talked since that night in the bar, and as she approached, Jo stood and came to the railing.
"First off, I want to apologize for the way I talked to you," she said without preamble. "I was out of line. I was wrong and it won't happen again."
Katie climbed the steps to her porch and sat down, waving Jo to a spot next to her on the top step. "It's okay," she said. "I wasn't mad."
"I still feel terrible about it," Jo said, her remorse obvious. "I don't know what got into me."
"I do," Katie said. "It's obvious. You care about them. And you want to watch out for them."
"I still shouldn't have talked to you the way I did. That's why I haven't been around. It embarrassed me and I knew you'd never forgive me."
Katie touched her arm. "I appreciate the apology, but it's not necessary. You actually made me realize some important things about myself."
"Yeah?"
Katie nodded. "And just so you know, I think I'm going to stay in Southport for a while."
"I saw you driving the other day."
"Hard to believe, isn't it? I still don't feel comfortable behind the wheel."
"You will," she said. "And it's better than the bike."
"I still ride my bike every day," she said. "I can't afford a car."
"I'd say you could use mine, but it's back in the shop again. Thing's always breaking down. I'd probably be better off with a bike."
"Be careful what you wish for."
"Now you sound like me again." Jo nodded toward the road. "I'm happy for you and Alex. And the kids. You're good for them, you know."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I can see the way he looks at you. And the way you look at all of them."
"We've spent a lot of time together," Katie hedged.
Jo shook her head. "It's more than that. The two of you look like you're in love." She squirmed a bit under Katie's blushing gaze. "Okay, I'll admit it. Even if you haven't seen me, let's just say that I've seen the way the two of you kiss when you say good-bye."
"You spy on us?" Katie pretended to be outraged.
"Of course." Jo snorted. "How else am I supposed to occupy myself? It's not like anything else interesting ever happens around here." She paused. "You do love him, don't you?"
Katie nodded. "And I love the kids, too."
"I'm so glad." Jo clasped her hands together, prayer-style.
Katie paused. "Did you know his wife?"
"Yes," Jo said.
Katie stared down the road. "What was she like? I mean, Alex's talked about her and I can sort of picture in my mind what she was like-"
Jo didn't let her finish. "Based on what I've seen, she was a lot like you. And I mean that in a good way. She loved Alex and she loved the kids. They were the most important things in her life. That's really all you have to know about her."
"Do you think she would have liked me?"
"Yes," Jo said. "I'm sure she would have loved you."
30
August, and Boston was sweltering.
Kevin vaguely remembered seeing the ambulance outside the Feldmans' home, but he hadn't thought much about it because the Feldmans were bad neighbors and he didn't care about them. Only now did he realize that Gladys Feldman had died and cars were parked along both sides of the street. Kevin had been suspended for two weeks and he didn't like cars parked in front of his house, but people were in town for the funeral and he lacked the energy to ask any of them to move.
He'd showered infrequently since he'd been suspended, and he sat on the porch, drinking straight from the bottle, watching people walk in and out of the Feldmans' house. He knew the funeral was later in the afternoon and people were at the Feldmans' house because they would be going to the funeral as a group. People clustered like flocks of geese whenever there was a funeral.
He hadn't talked to Bill or Coffey or Ramirez or Todd or Amber or even his parents. There were no pizza boxes on the living room floor and no leftover Chinese in the refrigerator because he hadn't been hungry. Vodka was enough and he drank until the Feldmans' house was a blur. Across the street, he saw a woman walk out of their house to smoke a cigarette. She was wearing a black dress and Kevin wondered if she knew the Feldmans yelled at neighborhood kids.
He watched the woman because he didn't want to watch the home and garden channel on the television. Erin used to watch that channel but she ran away to Philadelphia and called herself Erica and then she disappeared and he'd been suspended from his job but before that he'd been a good detective.
The woman in black finished her cigarette and dropped it in the grass and stepped on it. She scanned the street and noticed him sitting on the porch. She hesitated before crossing the street toward him. He didn't know her; had never seen her before.
He didn't know what she wanted but he put the bottle down and climbed down the porch steps. She stopped on the sidewalk out front.
"Are you Kevin Tierney?" the woman asked.
"Yes," he said, and his voice sounded strange because he hadn't spoken in days.
"I'm Karen Feldman," she said. "My parents live across the street. Larry and Gladys Feldman?" She paused but Kevin said nothing and she went on. "I was just wondering if Erin was planning to attend the funeral."
He stared at her.
"Erin?" he finally said.
"Yes. My mom and dad used to love it when she came by to visit. She used to make them pies and sometimes she helped them clean up, especially once my mom started getting sick. Lung cancer. It was awful." She shook her head. "Is Erin around? I've been hoping to meet her. The funeral starts at two."
"No, she's not. She's helping a sick friend in Manchester," he said.
"Oh … well, okay then. That's too bad. I'm sorry to have bothered you."
His mind began to clear and he noticed that she was about to leave. "I'm sorry for your loss, by the way. I told Erin and she's upset that she can't be here. Did you get the flowers?"
"Oh, probably. I haven't checked. The funeral home is full of them."
"No big deal. I just wish Erin could have been here."
"Me, too. I've always wanted to meet her. My mom told me that she reminded her of Katie."
"Katie?"
"My younger sister. She passed away six years ago."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Me, too. We all miss her-my mom did especially. That's why she got along so well with Erin. They even looked alike. Same age and everything." If Karen noticed Kevin's blank expression, she gave no sign. "My mom used to show Erin the scrapbook she'd put together about Katie … She was always so patient with my mom. She's a sweet woman. You're a lucky man."
Kevin forced himself to smile. "Yes, I know."
He'd been a good detective but in truth sometimes the answers came down to luck. New evidence surfacing, an unknown witness stepping forward, a street camera catching a license plate. In this case the lead came from a woman in black named Karen Feldman, who crossed the street on a morning he'd been drinking and told him about her dead sister.