27
Katie got her driver's license in the second week of July. In the days leading up to her test, Alex had taken her driving regularly, and despite some pretest jitters, she'd passed with a nearly perfect score. The license arrived in the mail within a few days and when Katie opened the envelope, she felt almost dizzy. There was a photograph of her next to a name she'd never imagined having, but according to the state of North Carolina, she was as real as any other resident of the state.
That night, Alex took her to dinner in Wilmington. Afterward, they'd walked the downtown streets holding hands and browsing the shops. Every now and then, she saw Alex regarding her with amusement.
"What?" she finally demanded.
"I was just thinking that you don't look like an Erin. You look like a Katie."
"I should look like a Katie," she said. "That's my name and I've got a driver's license to prove it."
"I know you do," he said. "Now all you need is a car."
"Why do I need a car?" She shrugged. "It's a small town and I've got a bike. And when it's raining, there's this guy who's willing to drive me anywhere I need to go. It's almost like having a chauffeur."
"Really?"
"Uh-huh. And I'm pretty sure that if I asked, he'd even let me borrow his car. I have him wrapped around my little finger."
Alex cocked an eyebrow. "He doesn't sound like much of a man."
"He's all right," she teased. "He seemed a little desperate in the beginning, what with all the freebies he gave me, but I eventually got used to it."
"You have a heart of gold."
"Obviously," she said. "I'm pretty much one in a million."
He laughed. "I'm beginning to think that you're finally coming out of your shell and I'm beginning to glimpse the real you."
She walked a few steps in silence. "You know the real me," she said, stopping to peer up at him. "More than anyone else."
"I know," he said, pulling her toward him. "And that's why I think that somehow we were meant to find each other."
Though the store was as busy as ever, Alex took a vacation. It was his first in a while, and he spent most afternoons with Katie and the kids, relishing the lazy days of summer in a way he hadn't since childhood. He fished with Josh and built dollhouses with Kristen; he took Katie to a jazz festival in Myrtle Beach. When the fireflies were out in force, they caught dozens with nets and put them in a jar; later that night, they watched the eerie glow with a mixture of wonder and fascination before Alex finally opened the lid.
They rode their bikes and went to the movies, and when Katie wasn't working evenings, Alex liked to fire up the grill. The kids would eat and then swim in the creek until it was almost dark. After they'd showered and gone to bed, Alex would sit with Katie on the small dock out back, their legs dangling over the water, while the moon slowly traversed the sky. They sipped wine and talked about nothing important, but Alex grew to savor those quiet moments together.
Kristen particularly loved spending time with Katie. When the four of them were walking together, Kristen often reached for Katie's hand; when she fell down in the playground, she'd begun to run to Katie. While it warmed Alex's heart to see those things, he always felt a pang of sadness, too, because it reminded him that he could never be everything that his daughter needed, no matter how hard he tried. Still, when Kristen came running up to him and asked if Katie could take her shopping, Alex couldn't say no. Though Alex made a point to take her shopping once or twice a year, he tended to view it more as a parental duty than an opportunity for fun. By contrast, Katie seemed delighted by the idea. After giving Katie some money, Alex handed her the keys to the jeep and waved from the parking lot as they left.
As happy as Katie's presence had made Kristen, Josh's feelings weren't quite as obvious. The day before, Alex had picked him up from a friend's swimming party, and he hadn't said anything to either Katie or Alex the rest of the evening. Earlier, at the beach, he'd been subdued as well. Alex knew that something was bothering him and suggested that they get out their fishing poles, just as dusk was settling in. Shadows began to stretch across the blackened water and the creek was still, a darkened mirror reflecting the slowly drifting clouds.
They cast their lines for an hour while the sky turned violet, then indigo, the lures making circular ripples as they splashed into the water. Josh remained strangely quiet. At other times the tableau might have seemed peaceful, but now Alex had the nagging feeling that something was wrong. Just when he was about to ask Josh about it, however, his son half-swiveled in his direction.
"Hey, Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever think about Mom?"
"All the time," he said.
Josh nodded. "I think about her, too."
"You should. She loved you very much. What do you think about?"
"I remember when she made us cookies. She let me put the frosting on."
"I remember that. You had pink frosting all over your face. She took your picture. It's still on the refrigerator."
"I think that's why I remember." He propped the rod in his lap. "Do you miss her?"
"Of course I do. I loved her very much," Alex said, holding Josh's gaze. "What's going on, Josh?"
"At the party yesterday … " Josh rubbed his nose, hesitating.
"What happened?"
"Most of the moms stayed the whole time. Talking and stuff."
"I would have stayed if you wanted me to."
Josh dropped his eyes, and in the silence, Alex suddenly knew what he hadn't said. "I was supposed to stay, too, wasn't I. Some parent-child thing." His tone was more a statement than a question. "But you didn't want to tell me because I would have been the only dad there, right?"
Josh nodded, looking guilty. "I don't want you to be mad at me."
Alex slipped an arm around his son. "I'm not mad," he said.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive. I couldn't be mad at you for that."
"Do you think Mom would have gone? If she was still here?"
"Of course she would have. She wouldn't have missed it."
On the far side of the creek, a mullet jumped and the tiny ripples began moving toward them.
"What do you do when you go out with Miss Katie?" he asked.
Alex shifted slightly. "It's kind of like what we did at the beach today. We eat and talk and maybe go for a walk."
"You've been spending a lot of time with her lately."
"Yes."
Josh considered that. "What do you talk about?"
"Just regular stuff." Alex tilted his head. "And we talk about you and your sister, too."
"What do you say?"
"We talk about how much fun it is to spend time with you two, and how well you did in school, or how good you are at keeping your room clean."
"Will you tell her that I didn't tell you that you were supposed to stay at the party?"
"Do you want me to?"
"No," he said.
"Then I won't say anything."
"Promise? Because I don't want her to be mad at me."
Alex raised his fingers. "Scout's honor. But just so you know, she wouldn't be mad at you even if I did. She thinks you're a great kid."
Josh sat up straighter and began reeling in his line. "Good," he said. "Because I think she's pretty great, too."
The conversation with Josh kept Alex awake that night. He found himself studying the portrait of Carly in his bedroom as he sipped his third beer of the evening.
Kristen and Katie had returned to the house, full of energy and excitement as they showed him the clothes they'd purchased. Surprisingly, Katie had returned nearly half the money, saying only that she was pretty good at finding things on sale. Alex sat on the couch as Kristen modeled an outfit for him, only to vanish back into her bedroom before returning wearing something completely different. Even Josh, who ordinarily wouldn't have cared in the slightest, set his Nintendo game aside, and when Kristen had left the room, he approached Katie.
"Could you take me shopping, too?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Because I need some new shirts and stuff."
Afterward, Alex ordered Chinese food and they sat around the table, eating and laughing. At one point during dinner, Katie pulled a leather wristband from her purse and turned toward Josh. "I thought this was pretty cool-looking," she said, handing it to Josh. His surprise gave way to pleasure as he put it on, and Alex noticed how Josh's eyes continually flickered toward Katie for the rest of the evening.
Ironically, it was at times like tonight that he missed Carly most. Even though she'd never experienced nights like these as a family-the kids were too young when she died-he found it easy to imagine her being at the table.