Alex, she knew, would be by later today. His visits had settled into something of a routine, and when they were together, she was constantly reminded of all the reasons she'd fallen for him in the first place. He accepted her occasional silences and varying moods, and he treated her with a gentleness that astonished and touched her. But since her conversation with Jo, she wondered if she was being unfair to him. What would happen, after all, if Kevin showed up? How would Alex and the kids react if she disappeared, never to return? Was she willing to leave all of them behind and never talk to them again?
She hated the questions Jo had raised, because she wasn't ready to face them. You have no idea what I've been through, she'd wanted to say afterward, once she had time to think about it. You have no idea what my husband is like. But even she knew that begged the question.
Leaving her breakfast dishes in the sink, she walked through the small cottage, thinking how much had changed in the last few months. She owned virtually nothing, but felt like she had more than ever. She felt loved for the first time in years. She'd never been a parent, but she found herself thinking and worrying about Kristen and Josh when she least expected it. She knew she couldn't predict the future, and yet she was struck with the sudden certainty that leaving this new existence behind was inconceivable.
What had Jo once said to her? I just tell people what they already know but are afraid to admit to themselves.
Reflecting on her words, she knew exactly what she had to do.
* * *
"Sure," Alex said to her, after she related her request. She could tell he was surprised, but he also seemed encouraged. "When do you want to start?"
"How about today?" she suggested. "If you have any time."
He looked around the store. There was only one person eating in the grill area, and Roger was leaning against the counter, chatting with him.
"Hey, Roger? Do you think you could watch the register for an hour?"
"No problem, boss," Roger said. He stayed where he was; Alex knew he wouldn't come up front unless necessary. But on a weekday morning, after the initial rush, he didn't expect many people in the store, so Alex didn't mind. He moved out from behind the register.
"You ready?"
"Not really." She hugged herself nervously. "But it's something I should know how to do."
They left the store, walking toward his jeep. Climbing in, she could feel his gaze on her.
"Why the sudden rush to learn how to drive?" he asked. "Is the bike not good enough?" he teased.
"The bike is all I need," she said. "But I want to get a driver's license."
He reached for the car keys before pausing. He turned back to her again, and as he stared at her, she caught a glimpse of the investigator he used to be. He was alert and she sensed his caution. "Learning how to drive is only part of it. To get a license, the state requires identification. Birth certificate, social security card, things like that."
"I know," she said.
He chose his words carefully. "Information like that can be tracked," he pointed out. "If you get a license, people might be able to find you."
"I'm already using a safe social security number," she said. "If Kevin knew about it, he would have tracked me down already. And if I'm going to stay in Southport, it's something I need to do."
He shook his head. "Katie … "
She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "It's okay," she said. "My name's not Katie, remember?"
He traced the curve of her cheek with his finger. "To me, you'll always be Katie."
She smiled. "I have a secret," she said. "My hair isn't naturally brown. I'm really a blond."
He sat back, processing this new information. "Are you sure you want to be telling me this?"
"I figure you'll find out eventually, anyway. Who knows? Maybe I'll go back to being a blond one day."
"What's this all about? Wanting to learn how to drive, volunteering information?"
"You told me I could trust you." She shrugged. "I believe you."
"That's it?"
"Yes," she said. "I feel like I can tell you anything."
He studied their hands, locked together on the seat divider, before looking at her. "Then I'll cut to the chase. Are you sure your documents will hold up? They can't be copies. They have to be originals."
"I know," she said.
He knew better than to ask anything more. He reached for the keys but didn't start the engine.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Since you want to learn how to drive, we may as well start now." He opened the door and got out. "Let's get you behind the wheel."
They switched places. As soon as Katie was behind the wheel, Alex pointed out the basics: gas and brake pedals, how to put the car in gear, turn signals, lights and wipers, gauges on the dashboard. It was always best to start at the beginning.
"You ready?" he asked.
"I think so," she said, concentrating.
"Since it's not a manual transmission, you use only one foot. It's either on the accelerator or the brake, okay?"
"Okay," she said. She moved her left foot near the door.
"Now, push down on the brake and start the car. When you're ready, keep the brake on while you put the transmission in reverse. Don't use the accelerator, and slowly release the brake. Then turn the wheel to back out, keeping your foot lightly on the brake."
She did exactly as she was told and backed the car out gingerly before he guided her out of the parking lot. For the first time, she paused. "Are you sure I should drive onto the main road?"
"If there was a lot of traffic, I'd say no. If you were sixteen, I'd say no. But I think you can handle it, and I'm right here to help. You ready? What you're going to do is turn right, and we'll follow that until the next turn. Then we'll turn right again. I want you to get a feel for the car."
They spent the next hour driving along rural roads. Like most beginners, she had trouble with oversteering, she sometimes veered onto the shoulder, and parking took a little while to get used to, but other than that, she did better than probably either of them expected. As they were getting close to finishing, Alex had her park on one of the downtown streets.
"Where are we going?"
He pointed to a small coffee shop. "I figured you might want to celebrate. You did well."
"I don't know," she said. "I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing."
"That comes with practice," he said. "The more you drive, the more natural it feels."
"Can I drive tomorrow?" she asked.
"Of course," he said. "Can we do it in the morning, though? Now that Josh is out of school, he and Kristen are at day camp for a couple of weeks. They get home around noon."
"Mornings are perfect," she said. "Do you really think I did okay?"
"You could probably pass the driving portion of the exam with a couple more days of practice. Of course, you have to pass the written test, too, but all that takes is some prep time."
She reached out and gave him a spontaneous hug. "Thanks for this, by the way."
He hugged her back. "I'm glad to help. Even if you don't have a car, it's something you should probably know how to do. Why didn't you … ?"
"Learn to drive when I was younger?" She shrugged. "Growing up, we had only one car and my dad was usually using it. Even if I got my license, I wouldn't have been able to drive, so it never struck me as all that important. After I moved out, I couldn't afford a car, so again, I didn't bother. And then, when I was married, Kevin didn't want me to have one." She turned. "And here I am. A twenty-seven-year-old bike rider."
"You're twenty-seven?"
"You knew that."
"Actually, I didn't."
"And?"
"You don't look a day over thirty."
She punched him lightly in the arm. "For that, I'm going to make you buy me a croissant, too."
"Fair enough. And since you're in the mood for full disclosure, I'd like to hear the story of how you finally got away."
She hesitated only briefly. "Okay," she said.
At a small table outside, Katie related the account of her escape-the forwarded phone calls, the trip to Philadelphia, the ever-changing jobs and miserable flophouses, the eventual trip to Southport. Unlike the first time, now she was able to describe her experiences calmly, as though talking about someone else. When she finished, he shook his head.
"What?"
"I was just trying to imagine how you must have felt after hanging up on that final call from Kevin. When he still thought you were at home. I'll bet you were relieved."