"You know what you need after you're finished in court?" she asked. "A night out. We should get dressed up and go out to dinner. You're off on Friday, right?"
"We just did that on New Year's," Kevin grumbled, sopping up more yolk on his plate. There were smears of jelly on his fingers.
"If you don't want to go out, I can make you something special here. Whatever you want. We can have wine and maybe start a fire and I could wear something sexy. It could be really romantic." He looked up from his plate and she went on. "The point is, I'm open to whatever," she purred, "and you need a break. I don't like it when you work so hard. It's like they expect you to solve every case out there."
He tapped his fork against his plate, studying her. "Why are you acting all lovey-dovey? What's going on?"
Telling herself to stick to the script, she pushed back from the table.
"Just forget it, okay?" She grabbed her plate and the fork clattered off it, hitting the table and then the floor. "I was trying to be supportive since you're going out of town, but if you don't like it, fine. I'll tell you what-you figure out what you want to do and let me know sometime, okay?"
She stormed over to the sink and turned the faucet on hard. She knew she'd surprised him, could feel him vacillating between anger and confusion. She ran her hands under the water then brought them to her face. She drew a series of rapid breaths, hiding her face, and made a choking sound. She let her shoulders heave a little.
"Are you crying?" he asked. She heard his chair slide back. "Why the hell are you crying?"
She choked out the words, doing her best to make them sound broken. "I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what you want. I know how big this case is and how important it is and how much pressure you're under … "
She choked off the final words, sensing his approach. When she felt him touch her, she shuddered.
"Hey, it's okay," he said grudgingly. "You don't have to cry."
She turned toward him, squeezing her eyes shut, putting her face against his chest. "I just want to make you happy," she stammered. She wiped her wet face on his shirt.
"We'll figure it out, okay? We'll have a nice weekend. I promise. To make up for last night."
She put her arms around him, pulling him close, sniffling. She drew another rasping inhale. "I'm really sorry. I know you didn't need that today. Me getting all blubbery for nothing. You've got so much on your plate already."
"I can handle it," he said. He tilted his head and she leaned up to kiss him, her eyes still shut. When she pulled back, she wiped her face with her fingers and pulled close to him again. As he pressed against her, she could feel him getting excited. She knew how her vulnerability turned him on.
"We've got a little time before I have to head into work," he said.
"I should clean the kitchen first."
"You can do it later," he said.
Minutes later, with Kevin moving atop her, she made the sounds he wanted while staring out the window of the bedroom and thinking of other things.
She had learned to hate winter, with the endless cold and a yard half-buried in snow, because she couldn't go outside. Kevin didn't like her to walk around the neighborhood but he let her garden in the backyard because of the privacy fence. In the spring, she always planted flowers in pots and vegetables in a small plot near the back of the garage, where the sun was full and strong, unshaded by the maple trees. In the fall, she would pull on a sweater and read books from the library as fallen leaves, brown and crinkly, drifted around the yard.
But winter made her life a prison, cold and gray and gloomy. Misery. Most days were spent without setting foot outside the door because she never knew when Kevin would show up unexpectedly. She knew the names of a single neighbor, the Feldmans, who lived across the street. In her first year of marriage, Kevin rarely hit her and sometimes she went for walks without him. The Feldmans, an older couple, liked to work in their garden, and in the first year she'd lived here, she'd often stopped to talk to them for a while. Kevin gradually tried to put an end to those friendly visits. Now she saw the Feldmans only when she knew Kevin was busy at work, when she knew he couldn't call. She would make sure no other neighbors were watching before darting across the street to their front door. She felt like a spy when she visited with them. They showed her photos of their daughters growing up. One had died and the other had moved away and she had the sense that they were as lonely as she was. In the summer, she made them blueberry pies and would spend the rest of the afternoon mopping up the flour in the kitchen so Kevin wouldn't know.
After Kevin went to work, she cleaned the windows and put fresh sheets on the bed. She vacuumed, dusted, and cleaned the kitchen. As she worked, she practiced lowering her voice so she could sound like a man. She tried not to think about the cell phone she had charged overnight and put under the sink. Even though she knew that she might never get a better chance, she was terrified because there was still so much that could go wrong.
She made Kevin breakfast on Monday morning, just as she always did. Four slices of bacon, eggs over medium, and two pieces of toast. He was grumpy and distracted and he read the paper without saying much to her. When he was about to leave, he put a coat on over his suit and she told him she was going to hop into the shower.
"Must be nice," he grunted, "to wake up every day knowing you can do whatever the hell you want to do whenever you want to do it."
"Is there anything special you want for dinner?" she asked, pretending not to have heard him.
He thought about it. "Lasagna and garlic bread. And a salad," he said.
When he left, she stood at the window watching as his car reached the corner. As soon as he turned, she walked to the phone, dizzy at the thought of what was to come next.
When she called the phone company, she was directed to customer service. Five minutes passed, then six. It would take Kevin twenty minutes to get to work, and no doubt he would call as soon as he arrived. She still had time. Finally, a rep got on the line and asked her name and the billing address and, for purposes of identification, Kevin's mother's maiden name. The account was in Kevin's name, and she spoke in a low voice as she recited the information, in the voice she'd been practicing. She didn't sound like Kevin, maybe not even masculine, but the representative was harried and didn't notice.
"Is it possible to get call forwarding on my line?" she asked.
"It's an extra charge, but with that, you also get call waiting and voice mail. It's only-"
"That's fine. But is it possible to have it turned on today?"
"Yes," the representative said. She heard him beginning to type. It was a long time before he spoke again. He told her the extra charge would show up on the next bill, which would be sent out next week, but that it would still reflect the full monthly amount, even though she activated the service today. She told him it was fine. He took some more information and then told her it was done and that she would be able to use the service right away. She hung up and glanced at the clock. The whole transaction had taken eighteen minutes.
Kevin called from the precinct three minutes later.
As soon as she got off the phone with Kevin, she called Super Shuttle, a van service that transported people to the airport and bus station. She made a reservation for the following day. Then, after retrieving the cell phone, she finally activated it. She called a local movie theater, one that had a recording, to make sure it worked. Next, she activated the landline's call-forwarding service, sending incoming calls to the number of the movie theater. As a test, she dialed the home number from her cell phone. Her heart was pounding as the landline rang. On the second ring, the ring cut off and she heard the recording from the movie theater. Something broke free inside her and her hands were shaking as she powered off the cell phone and replaced it in the box of SOS pads. She reset the landline.
Kevin called again forty minutes later.
She spent the rest of the afternoon in a daze, working steadily to keep from worrying. She ironed two of his shirts and brought the suit bag and suitcase in from the garage. She set out clean socks and she polished his other pair of black shoes. She ran the lint brush over his suit, the black one he wore to court, and laid out three ties. She scrubbed the bathroom until the floor was shiny, and scrubbed the baseboards with vinegar. She dusted every item in the china cabinet and then started preparing the lasagna. She boiled the pasta and made a meat sauce and layered all of it with cheese. She brushed four pieces of sourdough bread with butter, garlic, and oregano and diced everything she needed for the salad. She showered and dressed sexy, and at five o'clock, she put the lasagna in the oven.