"Can you at least tell me what I said? Or what I did?"
She turned toward him. "You didn't say or do anything wrong. But right now, I can't say any more than that, okay?"
He studied her. "Okay," he said. "As long as you're still having a good time."
It took some effort, but she finally managed a smile. "This is the best day I've spent in a long time. Best weekend in fact."
"You're still mad about the bike, aren't you?" he said, narrowing his eyes in mock suspicion. Despite the tension she felt, she laughed.
"Of course. It's going to take a long time for me to recover from that," she said, pretending to pout.
Turning his gaze to the horizon, he seemed relieved.
"Can I ask you something?" Katie asked, turning serious again. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"Anything," he said.
"What happened to your wife? You said she had a seizure, but you haven't told me why she was sick."
He sighed, as if he'd known all along she was going to ask but still had to steel himself to answer. "She had a brain tumor," he began slowly. "Or, more accurately, she had three different types of brain tumors. I didn't know it then, but I learned that's fairly common. The one that was slow-growing was just what you'd think; it was about the size of an egg and the surgeons were able to take most of it out. But the other tumors weren't so simple. They were the kind of tumors that spread like spider legs, and there was no way to remove them without removing part of her brain. They were aggressive, too. The doctors did the best they could, but even when they walked out of surgery and told me that it had gone as well as it could, I knew exactly what they meant."
"I can't imagine hearing something like that." She stared down at the sand.
"I admit I had trouble believing it. It was so … unexpected. I mean, the week before, we were a normal family, and the next thing I knew, she was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it."
Off to the side, Kristen and Josh were still concentrating on their kites but Katie knew that Alex could barely see them.
"After surgery, it took a few weeks for her to get back on her feet and I wanted to believe that things were okay. But after that, week by week, I began to notice little changes. The left side of her body started to get weaker and she was taking longer and longer naps. It was hard, but the worst part for me was that she began to pull away from the kids. Like she didn't want them to remember her being sick; she wanted them to remember the way she used to be." He paused before finally shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that. She was a great mom. I mean, look how well they're turning out."
"I think their father has something to do with that, too."
"I try. But half the time, it doesn't feel like I know what I'm doing. It's like I'm faking it."
"I think all parents feel like that."
He turned toward her. "Did yours?"
She hesitated. "I think my parents did the best they could." Not a ringing endorsement, but the truth.
"Are you close with them?"
"They died in a car accident when I was nineteen."
He stared at her. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"It was tough," Katie said.
"Do you have any brothers and sisters?"
"No," she said. She turned toward the water. "It's just me."
A few minutes later, Alex helped the kids reel in their kites and they headed back to the picnic area. The coals weren't quite ready and Alex used the time to rinse the boogie boards and shake sand from the towels before pulling out what he needed for the s'mores.
Kristen and Josh helped pack up most of their things and Katie put the rest of the food back into the cooler while Alex began ferrying items to the jeep. By the time he was finished, only a blanket and four chairs remained. The kids had arranged them in a circle while Alex handed out long prongs and the bag of marshmallows. In his excitement, Josh ripped it open, spilling a small pile onto the blanket.
Following the kids' lead, Katie pushed three marshmallows onto the prong and the four of them stood over the grill, twirling the prongs, while the sugary puffs turned golden brown. Katie held hers a little too close to the heat and two of the marshmallows caught on fire, which Alex quickly blew out.
When they were ready, Alex helped the kids finish the treat: chocolate on the graham cracker, followed by the marshmallow and topped with another cracker. It was sticky and sweet and the best thing Katie had eaten in as long as she could remember.
Sitting between his kids, she noticed Alex struggling with his crumbling s'more, making a mess, and when he used his fingers to wipe his mouth, it made matters only worse. The kids found it hilarious, and Katie couldn't help giggling as well, and she felt a sudden, unexpected surge of hope. Despite the tragedy they'd all gone through, this was what a happy family looked like; this, she thought, is what a loving family did when they were together. For them, it was nothing but an ordinary day on an ordinary weekend, but for her, there was something revelatory about the notion that wonderful moments like these existed. And that maybe, just maybe, it would be possible for her to experience similar days in the future.
12
Then what happened?"
Jo was sitting across from her at the table, the kitchen glowing yellow, illuminated only by the light above the stove. After Katie had returned, she'd come over, specks of paint in her hair. Katie had started a pot of coffee and two cups were on the table.
"Nothing, really. After finishing the s'mores, we walked down the beach one last time, then got in the car and drove home."
"Did he walk you to the door?"
"Yes."
"Did you invite him in?"
"He had to get the kids back home."
"Did you kiss him good night?"
"Of course not."
"Why not?"
"Weren't you listening? He was bringing his kids to the beach and he invited me along. It wasn't a date."
Jo raised her coffee cup. "It sounds like a date."
"It was a family day."
Jo considered that. "It sounded like the two of you spent a lot of time talking."
Katie leaned back in her chair. "I think you wanted it to be a date."
"Why would I want that?"
"I have no idea. But ever since we've met, in every conversation, you bring him up somehow. It's like you've been trying to … I don't know. Make sure I notice him."
Jo swirled the contents of her cup before setting it back on the table. "And have you?"
Katie threw up her hands. "See what I mean?"
Jo laughed before shaking her head. "All right. How about this?" She hesitated, then went on. "I've met a lot of people, and over time I've developed instincts that I've learned to trust. As we both know, Alex is a great guy, and once I got to know you, I felt the same way about you. Other than that, I haven't done anything more than tease you about it. It's not like I dragged you to the store and introduced the two of you. Nor was I around when he asked you to go to the beach, an invitation you were more than willing to accept."
"Kristen asked me to go … "
"I know. You told me that," Jo said, arching an eyebrow. "And I'm sure that's the only reason you went."
Katie scowled. "You have a funny way of twisting things around."
Jo laughed again. "Did you ever think that it's because I'm envious? Oh, not that you went with Alex, but that you got to go to the beach on a perfect day, while I was stuck inside painting … for the second day in a row? If I never touch a paint roller again in my life, it'll still be too soon. My arms and shoulders are sore."
Katie stood up from the table and went to the counter. She poured another cup of coffee for herself and held up the pot. "More?"
"No, thank you. I need to sleep tonight and the caffeine would keep me up. I think I'm going to order some Chinese food. You want any?"
"I'm not hungry," Katie said. "I ate too much today."
"I don't think that's possible. But you did get a lot of sun. It looks good on you, even if it'll lead to wrinkles later."
Katie snorted. "Thanks for that."
"What are friends for?" Jo stood and gave a catlike stretch. "And listen, I had a good time last night. Although, I have to admit, I paid for it this morning."
"It was fun," Katie agreed.
Jo took a couple of steps before turning around. "Oh, I forgot to ask you. Are you going to keep the bike?"
"Yes," Katie said.
Jo thought about it. "Good for you."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Just that I don't think you should give it back. You obviously need it and he wanted you to have it. Why shouldn't you keep it?" She shrugged. "Your problem is that you sometimes read too much into things."