“I hope you don’t mind me rummaging around in your kitchen. I found some tea and brewed some for you. I thought it might help you unwind a little before you go to sleep.”
He’s unreal. How I ever got this lucky, I’ll never know. The circles under his eyes are much darker than mine, the corners of his mouth are turned up slightly, and his hair is perfectly imperfect and disheveled.
He looks like a beautiful mess.
My heart rate kicks up and, as I stand here looking at him, I know, without a doubt, I’m in love with this amazing and handsome man. Every feeling I have for him congregates around my heart and tears spill from my eyes.
“What? Don’t cry.” He rushes over, wrapping his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest and try to get the courage to just tell him and get it over with.
“What is it? Are you in pain?” His voice is steady but I can hear his worry.
“I have to talk to you.”
“Okay, you can tell me anything, Candace.” He pulls back from me but keeps his arms firmly around my lower back. His eyes search mine as I look up at him. We stare at each other for what feels like a lifetime. The anticipation and nervous anxiety is overwhelming.
“Can we sit?” I ask.
“Of course, do you want to just sit here or go into the living room?”
“Here is fine.”
He guides us to the bed and we sit together on the edge. “You’re worrying me. What’s the matter? You look terrified.”
I shake my head and try to hold the tears back. I’m chewing the inside of my cheek and my temples are pulsating due to my terrible headache.
My head drops down and I stare into my lap. “I don’t know how else to say this other than to just say it.” I look up at him and pray a small prayer this doesn’t go as badly as I’m expecting it to. “I’m pregnant, Brisban.”
Three words I never thought I’d ever speak in my life float through the air and surround us with a heavy amount of pressure. His eyes widen and he stills.
Silence.
It’s deafening.
“Please say something. Anything,” I plead.
The look of pure and utter shock on his face is indescribable. “How…I mean…you can’t…I thought you couldn’t conceive.” He shakes his head in confusion. “I don’t understand.” He stands up and runs his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry. I’m disbelief little in shock right now.” He rubs the back of his neck as he begins to pace back and forth in front of my bed. “When did you find out?”
Tears stream down my face. “Tonight at the hospital.”
He stops and leans back against my dresser. “Pregnant. With my baby?”
My heart drops and I gape at him. “What? Yes, of course it’s yours. What are you implying?”
“No, no! I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry. I was more talking to myself in the way of a rhetorical question rather than talking to you. I’m not questioning you on who the father is.”
“I don’t expect anything from you, Brisban. I know how you feel about having more children. I’m okay with doing this on my own. I’ve prayed for a baby for all of my adult life. I can’t take this baby for granted. I won’t.” I straighten my shoulders and inhale, centering myself.
Be strong, Candace.
He doesn’t say anything. The fact that he’s still here, despite his nervous pacing, and says a lot. He hasn’t even come over to me yet. The space between us right now may only be a few feet but it feels like miles.
“You can go.” I stand up and start for the bedroom door. He reaches out and grabs my wrist firmly, yet still gentle.
“No.”
I look at my wrist and then up at him. His eyes are glassy. One lone tear escapes his eye and trickles down his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I stare up at him in astonishment. “You’re not?”
He pulls me into an embrace and whispers into my hair as he holds me tightly. “No, I’m not.”
We haven’t spoken another word since he said he wasn’t leaving. After brushing out my hair we simply got into bed. He wrapped his arms around me and held me until I drifted off to sleep. I’m looking at the glowing numbers on my alarm clock. It’s five in the morning.
He’s still here.
He’s still holding me.
I shift a little and he rustles. Warm lips connect with the skin on my shoulder and chills cascade across my skin even though I’m warm under the blankets with him. My body always responds to his touch instantly. I turn over so we’re facing each other. His sleepy eyes are a little puffy and his hair is going in all different directions across his forehead. I can only imagine how I look.