A lump formed in my throat as I said, “I take it back. I didn’t mean a word of it, I swear. I’m sorry, sweetheart. You’re me brother, and I love you dearly, just like I do Bronagh. Nothin’ will ever change that, okay?”
He exhaled a relieved breath. “Thank you.”
As he spoke, he hugged me tightly and kissed the crown of my head.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured. “We’ll fix everything.”
You can’t fix what’s already been smashed to pieces.
I hugged him back then closed the front door of the house when we separated. I watched as Dominic dropped his car keys on the table in the hall, then I followed both of the lads down to the kitchen and automatically filled the kettle with water and popped it on to make tea.
Tea was necessary.
“I know this is a stupid question,” Damien began, “but are you okay?”
“No,” I replied while I took out cups from the cupboard. “I’m not okay. I’m tired and I just want to go to bed and deal with all of this tomorrow.”
“That’s a good idea,” Dominic said rapidly. “Why don’t you go on up to bed and we can have tea later?”
I hesitated. “Bronagh told me you went to help Kane and Alec find Ryder. Why are you here and not out with them?”
“They know where he is,” Damien said. “They just have to wait for him to be done with something.”
I stared at Damien when he finished speaking. “You’re being vague, really? A few hours ago you were in me shoes, you didn’t know a fuckin’ thing, but now you do and you aren’t tellin’ me?”
He swallowed. “This is something that has to come from Ryder, Bran.”
I couldn’t look at him.
“You’re all keepin’ things from me, and it’s hurtin’ me so much.” I turned away as I spoke. “I’m goin’ to bed, Aideen will be here soon with Jax and Kane.”
“Branna—”
“Good night,” I cut Damien off and walked out of the kitchen, closing the door behind me.
I walked down the hallway, and just as I was about to turn for the stairs, I heard a jiggle of keys in the lock of the hall door. For some unknown reason, I ran through the open door and into the gym room where I hovered next to the doorway.
I knew it was Ryder, I could sense him, but he confirmed it when he spoke in hushed whispers.
“No, I can’t… because I just got fucking home and need to fix shit with my girl, you know that… for fuck’s sake, why? I’m done with this bullshit after tonight. Damn it, fine. I’ll be right fucking there.”
I heard a bit of movement then a soft click. I peeked out of the gym room and found the hallway empty and the front door shut. I heard the ignition of a car starting up a few moments later and my heart jumped to my throat.
Ryder was leaving again, and in a split second I made a decision with that knowledge.
He asked me to trust him, to give him forty-eight hours before he could tell me everything that he was hiding from me, but I couldn’t. In that moment, I simply couldn’t. I waited over a year to find out what he was up to, and I couldn’t wait another minute longer. Before I realised what I was doing, I grabbed Dominic’s car keys from the table in the hall, quietly exited my house, jumped in his car, and began to follow Ryder at a safe distance. I was doing what I should have done a long time ago, I was going to find out for myself what he was up to, and I only prayed it wasn’t as bad as what I imagined it to be.
Please, God, I silently begged. Don’t let this break me.
Three years ago…
“I’m going to grow old with you.”
My lips twitched, but I kept my eyes shut.
“You do realise it’s incredibly weird when you stare at me while I’m sleepin’, and say things like that to me unconscious form, right?”
I felt the heat of Ryder’s palm press against my bare stomach as he moved closer to me.
“You say weird,” he murmured, and I could hear the smile in his tone, “others would say romantic.”
I giggled. “Sorry, it was weirdly romantic. How’s that?”
“It’s an improvement.”
I blinked my eyes open, squinting until they adjusted to the light of our bedroom. I lifted my arms above my head and stretched. When I made sounds that resembled a baby dinosaur, Ryder laughed and poked at my sides causing me to squirm.
“You always sound like you really enjoy your morning stretch.”
“I do,” I nodded. “It wakes me up and feels good.”
I looked at Ryder when he turned on his side and leaned his head down to mine, brushing his lips against my cheek. He parted his lips and gently flicked his tongue over my skin, causing goosebumps to break out over my flesh.