Ruthless(19)

I’d been trying to tempt her with formula instead, mixing different types, even adding Baby Ensure to get her the calories needed to thrive. But something was wrong, I could feel it even though we were just back from the hospital. Janie was growing weaker by the minute and my best efforts to nurse weren’t enough. We needed to go back

I burst into the Emergency Room, Janie in my arms.

“Please,” I gasped. “I need to see a pediatrician immediately. My baby won’t eat and she’s listless and limp.”

“She looks alright to me,” said the nurse with the briefest glance at the bundle in my arms. “There’s movement and she’s breathing. Put your name on the list, we’ll call when the pediatrician’s available,” she said, turning away.#p#分页标题#e#

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I scribbled my name in shaky script. My panting and gasping was audible to everyone in the waiting room and not a few people looked at me with pity, a single woman with a tiny bundle in my arms, desperate for help. Janie’s blanket was literally damp from my tears, and I grew more panicked by the second as my baby grew weaker, draining of life.

Finally my name was called. “Tina Walsh,” harrumphed an old lady. I followed the pink scrubs to a waiting room where a pediatrician waited, exhaustion lining her face.

“And what have we here?” she said, reaching for Janie.

But the minute she looked at my child, her expression changed from one of tiredness to alert urgency.

“We need to get this baby hydrated now,” she said to the nurse. “NOW!”

“She won’t drink,” I sobbed quietly. “I’ve tried everything to get her to drink my breast milk, formula, anything, but she just won’t suckle.”

“Ma’am, we’re going to push an IV on your daughter so that she gets the fluids she needs,” said the doctor. “Drinking fluids orally isn’t enough, we need to administer it directly to her bloodstream.”

I sat down limply.

“But she’s just a baby,” I said woodenly. “What’s wrong with her? Why is this happening? We only left the hospital a few days ago, she’s a newborn,” I whispered hoarsely.

“Ma’am, we don’t know but we’re going to find out,” the doctor said firmly. “She’ll be in the NICU for observation. In the meantime, if you could please wait in the waiting room, we’ll call you as soon as we have a diagnosis.”

I walked like a zombie into the hallway, utterly miserable. The fluorescent lights were bright, making it seem like artificial daytime although it was night. The waiting room was hushed, filled with people hacking and bleeding, looking worse for the wear. I didn’t want to be there. Everyone here was sick or dying, and I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was a part of this desperate scene too, the mother of a seriously ill child.

“Jake help me!” I screamed in my head. Although I’d been the one who’d dismissed him, I was suddenly furious at him. His daughter was in the NICU with an IV in her little body and he had no fucking idea.

Acting on impulse, I scrabbled my cell phone out of my purse and began dialing furiously. Oh shit! I didn’t have his cell, I only had his business line. Desperately, I rang the number and was met with an automated voice announcing, “Sterling Pharmaceuticals is now closed. Please call back during our hours of operation.” I hung up, panting, furious, sweat beading my brow. I could have wrung Jake’s throat, but what were my options? I was literally helpless with panic and desperation.

Breathe, breathe, I told myself. This might be a scary moment, but as a single mom I knew there were more to come. After all, what did I expect? Leaving Jake was a conscious decision of mine, even if it was made under complicated circumstances.

In the meantime, maybe I could ask my family for support. But the more I thought of it, the more I realized that was unlikely. Jenna had been her usual self-centered self when my pregnancy started to show.

“Who’s the father Tina?” asked my sister nonchalantly. “I’m so surprised by this turn of events. It’s not like you’re … well, I never thought you could get a man. You don’t exactly project feminine charms, you know,” she said.

“Um okay,” I said wryly. Normally, this would have hurt, made me cringe internally and wonder why I wasn’t tall and svelte like my twin. But lately things were different. Insults from Jenna just slid off my back, probably because I was focused on more important things like getting my diploma, having my baby, and getting the hell out of Dodge.#p#分页标题#e#