Rush(19)
“I wonder what you’re imagining I’ll do to you,” he murmured.
“There were words like bondage and pain,” she pointed out. “It’s a reasonable fear.”
“Yes, it is,” he conceded. “But there is no mention of a safe word because for me, it’s as simple as you saying no.”
Her brow furrowed. “The contract was pretty clear that I don’t have that ability. That if I sign, I give up any right to tell you no.”
He sighed. “I’m not some monster bent on abusing you, Mia. You’re right in that I don’t like the word no very much. But my hope is that you won’t be using it often. I’d rather reserve that word for rare occasions when you are truly frightened or uncomfortable. I don’t want it popping out of your mouth just because you’re uncertain and the idea strikes you wrong before you even give it a chance. But if you truly find yourself in a situation that you do not want to be in, no is sufficient for me to stop. I may not like it, but I won’t ignore that word. Ever. You have my word on that. We’ll discuss what made you uncomfortable and we’ll either address it and soothe your fears, or we’ll move on and leave it behind.”
“So just don’t cry wolf,” she said.
“Exactly.”
She was starting to lighten, some of the worry evaporating. There was a tinge of excitement that tugged at her as she contemplated being so close to something she’d desired ever since she’d been a teenager on the cusp of womanhood.
“Is there anything more?” he asked, staring expectantly at her.
She nodded and then drew in a deep breath. He may or may not take her next condition well. But it was something she refused to budge on.
“There’s an entire paragraph devoted to the issue of my fidelity. However, there’s nothing about you being faithful to me.”
Amusement glimmered in his eyes. “That’s important to you.”
“Hell yes,” she said with more force than she intended. “If that contract says I’m yours, then by God it’s going to say you belong to me.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “All right. I have no issue with adding that clause. Now, are we done?”
Slowly she shook her head. “There’s one other thing. And it’s pretty huge. The most important part of any agreement we strike.”
He leaned back a bit, his brows coming together as he studied her. “It sounds like a potential deal breaker for you.”
She nodded. “It is.”
“I’m listening.”
“If we do this thing…Jace can never know. The truth, I mean.”
She hastened to add on because she didn’t like the look on Gabe’s face, “It’s not what you think. I’m not ashamed of you or anything. But if Jace knew everything, he’d never accept it. You have to have given this thought, Gabe. You can’t have made this kind of proposal without thinking of what it could do not only to your friendship but your business relationship. Jace would never understand. To him I’m still his baby sister, someone he’s hugely overprotective of. Hell, he still runs a background check on anyone I date.”
“I would hope so,” Gabe growled.
“Can you imagine his reaction if he were to find out about us in the kind of relationship you’re proposing?”
“I had no intention of him knowing the private details of our affair,” Gabe said in a calm voice. “All he needs to know is that you’re working for me. I am discreet if nothing else. I have no desire for my private life to be blasted all over the media as it was when Lisa and I divorced. People can speculate all they want, but I refuse to give them irrefutable knowledge.”
“Jace won’t take speculation well,” she murmured. “And I don’t want to lie to him.”
“You’ll only lie by omission. And if we’re discreet, the only speculation will be whether we’re having an affair. Jace understands gossip. He’ll know you’re working for me, and that will fuel rumors. As long as we don’t give him reason to suspect differently, he’ll only be angry that rumors circulate at all and he’ll be very quick to put out those fires.”
“I understand. It’s just that if I’m supposed to spend all my time with you, that won’t work. I have my own apartment. I have friends…”
She trailed off, realizing she was already on the defensive before they’d even embarked on their affair. She hated that word. She wished Gabe hadn’t used it. It sounded so…sordid. Like he was married and she was his mistress on the side. As if she were his dirty secret, and she supposed in a twisted way that it was just the opposite. He was her dirty little secret.