“Fuck,” she shook her head, let out a huge sigh and turned and ran up the stairs.
So it was all true. I couldn’t believe it. I had a daughter. A real, living breathing daughter. And she was right upstairs.
It was all too much to take in, and I felt anger bubbling just under the surface, but I was determined to keep it at bay. Anger wouldn’t help anything in this situation. I had to do my best to keep my cool, to stay calm.
I limped around their living room and picked up a picture on the mantle - Maisey and Maddy were at a carnival with a huge ferris wheel looming in the background. I gasped when I saw Maddy’s face. She was almost dangerously thin, her vulnerability shining in those bright eyes… My eyes.
“Unbelievable,” I whispered. “A daughter. My daughter.”
My heart swelled with a love I’d never felt before. It pushed away all the anger and frustration, leaving nothing but an unfamiliar purity that threatened to burst my heart wide open.
38
MAISEY
“Maddy?” I whispered outside her door, knocking lightly. I had no idea what I was going to say to her. I had no idea how I was going to explain. My hands were shaking as I turned her doorknob, slowing peeking in.
Empty.
“Maddy? Maddy!” I cried, looking around her room frantically. I ran into her bathroom, but she wasn’t there either. I turned around and spotted the open window, her pink lace curtains blowing in the breeze. “Maddy!” I ran over and looked out the window, but she was nowhere to be seen. I turned back around and saw Jesse standing at her door, his eyes wide as he held a picture of us in his hand.
“She’s gone,” I cried, my voice shaking as I sank to the floor.
Jesse ran over, pulled me to my feet, and peered into my eyes.
“Let’s find her,” he said, pulling me close to his warm body. “She’s just upset. We’ll figure it out.”
“Oh, Jesse…” I cried, tears falling down my face. “I’ve screwed everything up. Everything!”
“Shhh, we’ll fix it. We’ll sort it out. You gotta get a grip on yourself, so we can find her, okay?”
I nodded, staring up at him. I felt so lost, so out of my element that I had no idea what to do. I leaned into him, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Calm down, Maisey! Now, where would she go?”
“I don’t know!”
“C’mon, let’s get in my car. We’ll find her. She can’t be far.”
Jesse dragged me to my feet and we ran downstairs. I grabbed my phone and keys and we rushed out to his car. Grady was waiting behind the wheel as we jumped into the back.
“Did you see which way the girl went, Grady?” Jesse asked. “We gotta find her.”
“I think she ran around the corner there,” Grady said, backing up.
Terror gripped my heart like nothing I’d ever known. It wasn’t just that she’d run away… Maddy couldn’t run.
“Wait!” I said, just as he began to back up. I threw open the door and ran back inside as fast as my legs could carry me. I grabbed Maddy’s inhaler from the kitchen counter and made my way quickly back to the car.
“She’s sick, she needs this,” I said, my voice shaking with fear. Grady backed up and began driving around the neighborhood as we searched for her.
“She has asthma?” Jesse asked.
“I don’t know. Nobody knows. The doctors are useless. We can talk about this later, we need to find her right now! If she’s upset and running fast, she won’t be able to breathe!” I cried. “We have to find her fast, Jesse.”
“We’ll find her, don’t worry. Just stay calm.”
“Okay, okay….turn left here, maybe she went to the park.” Grady turned and we drove through the neighborhood, through peaceful, calm home fronts that reflected the complete opposite of the turmoil that was churning inside of me.
“Maisey - tell me about her symptoms,” Jesse said.
“What? Why?”
“Just fucking do it, tell me what happens to her,” he insisted.
“It looks like just like asthma, only her attacks are getting worse as she gets older. They hit out of the blue, sometimes they wake her up. She’s been on a dozen different treatments and medications. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. There’s no pattern.”
“Maisey, I know what it is,” he said, his voice low and serious.
“What? What do you mean?” I asked. How could he know? He hadn’t even met Maddy yet.
“My sister, Maisey! Nina!” he yelled. “If Maddy’s my daughter, then she has the same condition as my sister! It effects the females in my family.”