“Maisey, I need to ask you a question and I need you to tell me the truth,” he turned to me, his blue eyes peering deeply into mine.
I nodded, unable to tear my eyes away from his.
“Why did you leave Ault? Why did you leave that day? Why didn’t you wait a week, like you were supposed to?”
“I told you, Jesse,” I replied. “It was just time for me to go.”
“But why? Why that day?”
“Why are you asking me all these questions?” I asked, my voice rising. “We’ve already gone over all of this, and you know how bad I had it there. My life was a goddamned mess.”
“I need real answers now, Maisey.”
“What does it matter, Jesse? It was so long ago.”
“Ten.”
“What?”
“Ten years. That’s how long ago it was.”
“Right, wh-whatever,” I said, my words tripping over each other. I felt trapped in a corner, and I wanted out - fast.
“How old is Maddy?” he asked, his voice quiet as a whisper. I froze in my spot, my eyes darting away from his. I couldn’t look at him.
“Nine,” I whispered.
“Maisey, you’re going to have to talk to me about this…”
I looked away, I looked at the neighbor’s house, my lawn, the Volvo in my driveway, and Jesse’s long and low Jaguar sitting next to it with Grady inside at the wheel…
I looked anywhere but at him.
He knew.
Somehow, he’d figured it out.
And I had no idea how to face him.
“Maisey, look at me.”
I bit my lip, my hands wringing in my lap furiously, until he reached over and grabbed one of them in his huge palm. His touch was hot. Too hot. Too real.
I pulled my hand away and stood up, walking to the other side of the porch, ignoring his questions.
The swing squeaked as he stood up behind me, his footsteps falling loud behind me. His hands clasped my shoulders, pulling me around to face him. He put a finger under my chin, raising my eyes to his.
“Tell me the truth, Maisey,” he said, his voice so loud, so clear, so demanding. “Is Maddy my daughter?”
“Jesse,” I said, my eyes filling with tears as I looked up at him. “I’m so sorry.”
“She’s mine?” he asked.
“Yes, you’re her father,” I said, a huge sense of relief washing over me as I said the words.
“Oh, my God…” he whispered, his eyes searching mine frantically.
The clanging of the screen door behind him startled us both and we jumped. Maddy’s footsteps rang out through the house as she ran up the stairs and into her room. The sound of her door slamming vibrated through me violently. She’d heard everything…
“Maddy!” I yelled, running for the front door.
“Don’t!” Jesse said, grabbing my arms and stopping me. “Give her a minute and we’ll go talk to her, together…”
I collapsed into his arms, my sobs echoing up to the sky above us.
37
JESSE
“How could you do this?” I asked Maisey, pushing her away. I wasn’t angry, I was just bewildered. I didn’t understand how she could keep this a secret from me all along.
“You said you didn’t want children,” she said, the muffled words sounding as if they were being wrenched from her soul. She was in so much pain, it hurt to look at her. I wanted to take her into my arms, soothe her, comfort her, but I was so confused and fucked-up, I didn’t know which way to move.
“What are you talking about? When did I say that? I love children!” I said.
“Back then. In Ault. Before we even had sex, don’t you remember?”
“No, I don’t. But for fuck’s sake, Maisey, I was eighteen! No eighteen year old wants kids!”
“Jesse, I didn’t want to get in the way of your dreams. You had such big plans. And look at you, you’ve achieved them.”
“You think I wouldn’t have achieved them if we had a kid?”
“No, I don’t. And don’t lie to yourself and tell yourself differently, either. I gave you a gift.”
“A gift?!” I asked, incredulously. “You took away the first ten years I should have had with my daughter!”
“I was eighteen too… I made a mistake Jesse. I made a big stupid mistake and I couldn’t fix it. One day led to another. One year to another. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you… I understand you’re upset,” she said, her eyes darting up the staircase. “But she’s upset. I can’t leave her alone. Please just leave. I’ll call you later.”
“You want me to just leave?!” I couldn’t believe her. “I’m not going anywhere. Go, go check on her. But I’ll be here waiting when you come back down. We have a lot to talk about, Maisey.”