Sacrifices. I’d been making them my whole life.
But for some reason, this one hurt a whole hell of a lot more than any that had come before.
31
JESSE
Asshole.
Prick.
Dumb-ass.
Self-sabotaging fool.
Those were just a few of the names that I’d been calling myself ever since Maddy walked out the door.
I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. I’d never really done relationships, but if this was my first, then I was failing miserably at it.
I hadn’t meant to hurt her. I shouldn’t have lashed out the way I did. After having such a kick-ass day with her, laughing and joking around and flirting - I just didn’t want our day to end. That’s why I wanted to go. I hadn’t even given much thought to meeting her daughter yet, but apparently she’d given it plenty of thought herself. Small wonder she had decided it would be a big, fat mistake to introduce her daughter to the asshole playboy she’d been having a good time with at work.
And maybe she was right…
I’d been a fool to think I could be anything else, to think I could be the relationship kind of man for Maisey. I’d been so wrong. Just like always, I’d been arrogant and far too sure of myself, and just look where it got me.
None of it made any sense, though. Was I really that bad for her?
After an hour of beating myself up, I tried to call her to apologize, but she didn’t answer.
Fine, she needed space. I could do that. I was the king of needing space. I got it. I’d give her what she needed. I’d give her some time.
And if she still didn’t want anything to do with me, well, then I’d just move on, wouldn’t I? Just like I’d always done.
It had been easy in the past. Effortless…
There was only one problem.
I was in love with this girl.
True blue sappy country song love. The kind of love that makes people do stupid things.
This time my heart was involved, and moving on might not be an option.
The hours drug by slowly, and I just couldn’t put this woman out of my mind. I put on my shoes and figured the best thing I could do was exercise.
I hadn’t been for a run since the accident, and I sure as shit couldn’t pull it off now. My knee was already starting to ache almost as much as my chest. I stepped out the door, determined to try to make it around the block. Worst case, I could chalk the day up as a complete failure…
And that was an accomplishment in itself.
32
MAISEY
Exhaustion was getting the best of me. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I could barely think. Jesse’s face, his eyes, the memory of his touch wouldn’t let go of me.
The worst thing of all? Every time I looked at Maddy, I saw him. I couldn’t even find solace in her, because all I could see was him staring back at me in her eyes. His eyes. They were one and the same. The only thing she’d gotten from me was my curls. Even her hair was the same color as his, she gestured like him, and I swear to god she even blinked like him. It was eerie.
She’d never even met him and he was imprinted on her. He was a part of her.
Letting things get this far was a mistake. A huge mistake that I’d spend who knows how long recovering from.
His comment about not trying to be Maddy’s father only solidified things in my mind.
It was a reminder of what this really was.
I’d lost my mind, a moment of temporary insanity - delicious temporary insanity, yes, but insanity just the same. I could only hope I’d regained consciousness before it was too late.
Before any irreparable harm was done.
I guess only time will tell. Right now, it felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest, shredded it, and stuffed it back in.
Raw. That’s the word. Everything felt raw and fresh and his words still stung as if he’d poured alcohol over my shredded heart.
I let him get way too deep. I should have run away from him long before now. All I needed to do was pack up my things and say to hell with this job and to hell with this city.
Instead, I’d run right into him and it’d burned me. I knew what would happen. And yet somehow, I was still attracted to his heat, knowing it would scar me forever.
I’d left his penthouse and drove down to Maddy’s school with salty tears streaming down my face. I’d pulled over a block away and gotten myself together as best as I could. When I pulled up at her school, she came bounding out of the front doors and my heart swelled with love and despair all at the same time.
I’d met a fork in the road so many years ago. I’d been so sure I’d made the right choice, but I was so young then… So naive and scared and ready to run away from all of my problems… Seeing Jesse again had me questioning every decision I’d ever made. I felt so lost and confused, and the only way I could think of to fix it was to leave him alone. There were no other choices. I struggled with my emotions all evening long, doing my best to keep it together through dinner amongst all those damned flowers.