Running Game(42)

I was running away from Ault. I was running away from Jesse. I was running away from the sheer terror of what would happen if I stayed.

Yeah, it was a snap decision. But it was all because of what Jesse had said to me.

It was week before we’d had sex. An innocent conversation between two young kids. But it had shaped the entire course of my life….



* * *



“You think you might ever want kids?” I asked.

“Me?” he said, wrinkling his tanned nose, causing little white lines to form in the creases. “Never!”

“Never?” I asked. “Why not?”

“Because once you have a kid, your life is over,” he said, shaking his head. “My parents waited till I was in my teens to have another kid. And I’ve watched my folks basically put their lives on hold for both of us. We’re so spread out in age, they’ll be taking care of us for over thirty years. They’re giving up all these amazing adventures they could be having - careers, pursuing hobbies, dreams… All of it. Gone.”

“I’m not ready for kids either… But maybe someday,” I replied, shaking my head.

“Someday, I guess. It’s not like I hate kids… I love my sister. She’s amazing. I just have a lot of things I want to do, you know? I’m going pro, Maisey. I don’t want anything getting in the way of that. I don’t have time for a kid.”

“I know,” I said, smiling over at him. “Maybe we should get to work on studying for this test so you can graduate first?”

“If we have to,” he said, staring into my eyes and causing my stomach to flip upside down. He always sat so close to me, looked at me so intently, had the most passionate conversations with me, I didn’t know what to do with him. His attention was unnerving, but it felt like the best thing in the whole world and I couldn’t help but want more of it.



* * *



And yeah, more is exactly what I got… A few days later we had sex. Not too long after that we were supposed to go to prom together. This was our night. An adventure just like Jesse said he wanted… Right up until I took a damn pregnancy test.

Telling him I was pregnant was out of the question. There was no way I could - not after that conversation. I couldn’t bring myself to dash all of his dreams. I knew how he felt. I knew how he would react. I knew he would be devastated, even if he played pretend… And most of all, I knew he was right. Having a baby would have changed everything for both of us, no matter how much we tried to make things work.

Jesse had so much potential to be great. It was obvious to everyone, even back then. Who was I to get in the way of that?

And me? I just wanted to run away from every problem I’d ever had.

A child would be challenging, but it wouldn’t ruin me. I could handle it, and even if I didn’t exactly know how I planned on handling things, I knew I would figure it out.

And I did. Maddy and I were doing just fine.

I’d thought a million times what things would have been like if I’d told Jesse the truth. For the first few years, I’d been plagued by self-doubt, especially when things got hard. I’d see Jesse on the news, or read about him in the newspaper… I’d see how high he was soaring and wish I could tell him how proud I was. He was accomplishing everything he said he would. I wanted to pick up the phone and tell him everything…

But I couldn’t do it.

What if he rejected us? What if he thought I’d betrayed him? He’d never understand the stress I was put under living in that house with my stepfather. He’d never forgive me for being a naive young woman who made some rash decisions.

So I kept my secret. After a while, I stopped keeping track of Jesse altogether. I took care of Maddy and life went on, just as it always did. My life with Maddy was beautiful, but there’d never really been nights like this.

Tonight had been the stuff of dreams.

Luxuriously languishing in his arms, I felt on top of the world, like nothing could knock me down.

Something about being with Jesse made me feel strong.

And I was going to need a lot of strength if I intended to peel myself away from him and go back to my life. But Maddy was waiting for me, and I was pretty sure Eddie wanted to go home at some point, even though he’d told me not to worry about a curfew.

“I should go,” I whispered. “It’s getting late.”

Jesse was half-asleep, but he heard me. He pulled me closer and nodded sleepily.

“You have to go home?” he murmured. “To your daughter?”

My blood ran cold at his words. I’d never told him I had a daughter. I left that fact very deliberately out of our conversations…