“That’s so great, Eddie, I can’t wait to see it!” He’d been performing for twenty years as a drag queen in Denver, and I loved going to his shows. They were entertaining, hilarious and over-the-top flamboyant. It was always a good time, and I always ended up drinking way too many margaritas, because Eddie practically fed them to me in between his performances, insisting I didn’t have enough fun in my life and that I needed to loosen up. That was another reason he’d lose his shit if I told him about Jesse. I’d definitely upped the level of fun in my life with him.
“You’re going to love it, Maisey! And at least it’ll get you out of the house again! You’re such a hermit!”
“I know, I know…actually, that’s why I was calling, believe it or not. I was wondering if you could come over tomorrow night and watch Maddy. If you aren’t busy, I mean. I know it’s Saturday, but I thought I’d ask.”
“I’m available tomorrow. Saturday’s MC is Poison Flowers - you remember her? We met her at the parade last year.”
“Yes, of course, I do. So, great, you’re off, can you be here by seven?”
“Wait a minute, Ms. Thing! Do you have a date?!” he cried.
“No, Eddie, it’s not a date.” Second lie. Dammit. “Just having dinner with a friend.”
“A friend, huh? Who? Since when do you have friends, besides me and Maddy?”
“I have friends!” I protested, laughing. He was right, I didn’t have any friends outside of him.
“Girl, you sound funny. I’ve never heard you laugh so much. What’s going on? Tell Uncle Eddie all about it. C’mon…”
“There’s nothing to tell, really. I’m just having dinner with a friend. Be here at seven, okay?”
“Okay, okay. Just tell me you’re not going on some internet date, though? I don’t want to have to raise Maddy all alone after you get chopped up in a million pieces by some stranger off craigslist.”
“God! No! Jesus, Eddie, you’re so morbid!” I exclaimed.
“I’m not morbid! I’m just being realistic. And safe. I’m a drag queen, darling, it’s my job to be safe. You have to think about these things, in this day and age….”
“Alright, alright. I hear you,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s not an internet date. I promise. Just dinner with someone I know from work, that’s all.”
“Okay, then, darling. See you and Maddy at seven tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Eddie.”
I hung up with a smile.
At least one person in the world was looking out for me. I don’t know what I’d do without Eddie. It was nice to have someone to call to look after Maddy that I trusted completely. It was hard raising her own my own, without a family, without a partner, and professional babysitters were expensive and few and far between. It was hard being alone.
And I knew it was hard on Maddy, too.
I made a vow to do what I could to increase our circle of friends, for her sake. She deserved more people in her life that loved her. That she could talk to or depend on. One of my deepest fears was something happening to me. I couldn’t imagine leaving Maddy all alone in the world. It’s a fear I’d wrestled with since she was born, but outside of Eddie, making friends wasn’t all that easy when you were a hermit, as Eddie so eloquently stated about me.
I needed to get out. Meet more people.
Maybe going to Jesse’s penthouse for dinner would do nothing towards accomplishing that fact, but it was a baby step in the right direction. A date.
With a man.
A real man.
What a concept, huh?
That night, after dinner, I looked through my closet, trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow. Scrubs weren’t going to cut it this time.
But then I got lost in the vision of Jesse between my legs, slowly, teasingly pulling my drawstring loose and I got completely distracted, and before I knew it I was locking my bedroom door and sliding between my sheets and reliving it all over again.
Jesse had a hold on me. His touch had engraved itself into my skin, and I had never known such intense yearning. Every time I thought about him, I could feel him on me all over again, touching me, kissing me, whispering to me. It was absolutely delectable and the sense of it being completely forbidden only seemed to increase the deliciousness of it all.
I drifted off to sleep that night, my head clouded with everything Jesse. I let myself drown in it, indulge once more in the memories and fantasies. It was really all I had.
Time flies. And before long, instead of saying ‘yes’ to Jesse, I’d be saying ‘goodbye’, and these memories would be all I had.