What the fuck was I going to do now? I’d messed everything up so badly that there was no way in hell it could be repaired?
I certainly couldn’t treat him now. I’d surely be fired. Even if Jesse didn’t report me for slapping him like a hysterical freak, then I’d still be fired for refusing to see him again.
Because I knew I couldn’t see him again. That much was clear. He was too cocky, too forward, too fucking full of himself. And I hated myself for not being able to resist him. How could I have kissed him like that?
God, it seemed like it went on forever, or like time stopped, or both at the same time, which is just absurd, I know. But he was making me so crazy that I couldn’t even think straight, let alone chronologically.
He turned my insides into a jumbled, melted, gooey mess of everything I hated. I wasn’t the kind of woman that let her feelings rule her life. No, I was the one who took charge of every situation. I was the one that rebuilt my life from scratch, allowing only the things I valued to be a part of it, and discarding the rest with a complete and utter disconnect from any guilt or uncertainty.
But that woman up there in Jesse’s penthouse? The one who’d opened her mouth and let him deep inside? She was not me! I didn’t even recognize her.
Or, maybe I did. But she was a little girl the last time I’d seen her, a little naive eighteen year old girl desperate for attention and love. She’d thought she’d found it in Jesse’s arms, and maybe she had for a brief moment, but that wasn’t real. That didn’t last. That was so over and dead.
And so was that little girl.
I was a fucking woman now, a strong one, one that decides what path her life travels down. And Jesse fucking Colorado wasn’t a part of it. He’d never been a part of the plan.
Neither had Maddy, but that was a different story. Maddy was a gift. A beautiful blessing that I would never have turned away in a million years.
Maddy was what had turned that naive little girl into the woman I was today.
And Maddy was exactly the reason I needed to remember who I was. I couldn’t just revert back to some naive kid who didn’t know any better. I had someone counting on me…
I started up my car, the engine sputtering and coughing.
“Come on…” I prodded, begging the engine to turn over.
It took three tries before it finally started in a puff of black smoke that exploded from the muffler. I sighed, shaking my head and heading home.
I’d make some excuse up for Larry. Maybe I’d tell him I caught the flu.
I needed time alone. Away from work. Away from Jesse. Away from his damned sexy eyes and prying questions.
Away from that kiss.
Those hands that had felt so good caressing my face.
I shuddered with desire, my body completely at odds with my brain. I wanted Jesse. I wanted so much more than his kisses. It was undeniable how strongly my body reacted to his touch. It always had…
He was sexy and charming and funny in his own silly way, and so fucking gorgeous it almost hurt to look at him. He was everything I wanted in a man, if I allowed myself to actually want one in the first place. All he had to do was flash those clear blue eyes at me and I was breathless. If he was anyone else, I’d have given into him in a heartbeat.
But he wasn’t just anyone.
He was Jesse.
And going there with him threatened everything I’d worked so hard to build. I couldn’t take the chance for just one night with him. Jesse was off-limits.
Jesse was the biggest danger to the thing I loved the most and nothing in the world meant more than that.
Nothing.
15
JESSE
My cheek still stung from Maisey’s slap, and my cock was still hard as rock. I’d hobbled over to the window after she left, watching from the window as she scurried across the parking lot to her car like a scared rabbit. Her car drove off in a cloud of black smoke that drifted off into the air long after she’d disappeared around the corner. Kissing her had only peaked my thirst for her. I wasn’t going to stop until I had her just where I wanted her.
Obviously, she was determined to make me work for it.
That’s fine, I thought, that’s just fine.
I was up for a little challenge, ready to engage in the chase a little bit. It would be a nice change of pace.
This girl was a tough nut to crack, and I knew damn well I wasn’t going to win her over until I figured out what was going on inside her head. Obviously, she enjoyed that kiss just as much as I did. Her body didn’t lie. But right before she’d slapped me, something else flashed in her eyes. Fear.
So why the hell is she afraid of me?
I couldn’t figure it out. There had to be something holding her back, and I was going to figure out exactly what that something was…