He didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at her with that baffled, betrayed expression.
“Haven’t you ever wanted to kiss someone?”
“No.” His answer came quickly, with no hesitation. His certainty made her heart break for him.
“Sam…” Pausing, she took a deep breath, praying that what she was about to say helped, rather than hurt. Sam had been hurt enough. “What Courtney did—”
He scooted his chair back so quickly and violently that it slammed into the wall behind him with a loud bang. “I d-d-don’t w-w-w-want t-to t-t-t-t…d-disc-c-cuss th-that.”
Frantically trying to think of the best thing to do—to push it or let it go, to change the subject or make him face it—Jules ended up just nodding and dropping her hands into her lap. “That’s fine, Sam-I-Am. If you ever do want to talk about it, though—”
“I w-won’t.”
“Quit interrupting your elder,” she scolded, trying to put a light note in her voice as she reached over and flicked his nose. He looked startled. “I’m here if you want to talk about anything. Got it?”
After several long seconds, he grudgingly shrugged. “G-got it.”
“Good.” She paused and then told herself to quit being a chicken and act like a parent. “What you saw me and Theo doing—”
“Y-you d-d-don’t have t-to t-t-tell m-me th-th-this. I kn-now it’s n-not the s-s-same, okay? I j-j-just s-saw you with h-h-him, and…” He trailed off with a frustrated sound, as if he couldn’t find the right words.
“Sure, now you say that.” His grudging smile at her teasing sent a flood of relief through her. “And quit interrupting me. What you saw, that was completely consensual. We both wanted it, and we were both enjoying it. At least, I know that I was enjoying it, and by the sounds Theo was making, I’m pretty sure he was enjoying it—”
“J-JuJu!” Sam groaned, but he was actually laughing a little.
Smiling, Jules continued. “Hey, you asked!” Her smile faded, and she leaned across the table. If Sam hadn’t been out of reach, she would’ve grabbed his hand. “And I’m going to say this last part, and you’re going to listen, and then I won’t bring it up again unless you want to talk about it, okay?”
He looked a little anxious, but he didn’t try to stop her from continuing.
“What you saw just now, between me and Theo, is not the same thing as what was done to you. It’s not even close.” All trace of a smile was gone from his face, and he just stared at her, every muscle in his face and body tense. “Kissing and touching and sex—those things should come from a place of affection, of love. What Courtney did came from a place of sickness—hers, not yours—and a misuse of power.” Sam started to shake his head and say something, but Jules continued, flattening his protests with her words. “I just want you to know that they’re not the same, not even close, so you don’t look at me and Theo and think we’re hurting each other like Courtney hurt you. When you find someone you love, who loves you right back because of the wonderful, amazing, lovable person you are, I don’t want you to think that you’re hurting them. It’s not the same as the awful things Courtney did, got it? It’s not the same.” Her words came faster and faster as tears pressed behind her eyes, seeking release.
“J-J-Jules.”
“What?” She sniffed and blinked rapidly several times.
“Stop t-talking.”
Her laugh was watery, but it was a laugh. “Fine. Just one more thing.”
He sighed dramatically, making her laugh again.
“I love you, Sam-I-Am.”
His crooked smile made her want to cry again, but she managed to push the tears away.
He shifted, his gaze bouncing around the kitchen. Jules could see some of the tension seep out of him, and she knew they’d moved out of crisis mode and closer to regular teenage awkwardness. “S-so…”
“So what?”
There was the tiniest hint of mischief in his expression, and she had to fight down the almost irresistible urge to jump over the kitchen table and hug out his guts. “A c-c-cop, Ju? Really?”
“I know!” It came out as a wail, and she allowed her forehead to fall to the table onto her crossed arms. “How did this happen?”
“How did what happen?” Ty asked as he wandered into the kitchen.
“JuJ-Ju’s in love w-with a c-cop.”
“Hey!” Her head shot up as she protested. “Who said I’m in love with him?”
“You d-d-did. J-just n-now.”