“Your logic is kind of warped, but I appreciate it.” To prove it, I give him a hug.
“I just want everyone to be happy,” Ari says, hugging me back. “And to get along.”
“You’re such a sap,” Wynter teases him. “But that’s okay. It’s why we love you.”
Ari rolls his eyes as we step back. “I’m the sap? You’re the one always bawling during movies. And while reading books. And when you see puppies.”
“Hey, puppies are really cute,” Wynter argues with her hands on her hips.
They continue to argue as Luna and Grey walk into the room. Then the six of us finish packing up my stuff and load the boxes into our cars. I don’t take the furniture or anything else in the house, not for my mom’s benefit, but to have a fresh start.
While I may not get to do things over, I can choose to let go of the past and move forward with a new, less stressful future.
“You think you got everything?” Beck asks as I take one final walk around my room.
Wynter, Ari, Luna, and Grey have all driven off to take some of my stuff to Beck’s house.
I nod, grabbing a notebook and a piece of paper. “I just need to do one more thing.”
He moves up beside me as I lean over the dresser to write. “What are you doing?”
I put the tip of the pen to the piece of the paper. “Writing my mom a note to let her know where I am.”
“Willow, do you think that’s a good idea?” His tone carries caution. “What if she tries to track you down and get money from you or something?”
“I’m not telling her where I’ll be physically,” I explain. “I’m telling her where I am mentally.”
“Oh.” He doesn’t argue anymore, just moves up behind me and massages my shoulders, giving me that comforting feeling I like so much. “Go ahead, then.”
I summon a deep breath, and then I write.
Mom,
I’m not sure how long it’ll take you to realize I no longer live here, and I’m really sorry about that. I’m really sorry that you got to such an awful point that you don’t really care if you see me anymore or not. While it really hurts that you don’t care, I can no longer let that hurt control me. I’ve spent so many nights worrying about you, wondering where you are, if you’ll come back, if you love me, and fearing all the answers. But I’m tired of wondering and waiting and hoping and fearing.
I’ve spent so much of my life afraid of this house, your boyfriends, you, becoming like you, which I know sounds harsh and maybe it is, but I’m telling you this with the hope that maybe you’ll change. Maybe you’ll get the help you should’ve gotten a long time ago since I’m no longer going to be around to do that for you. I’m no longer going to be an enabler.
I’m going to be who I should’ve been all along: a teenage girl going to college who is happy sometimes, sad sometimes, lost sometimes, scared sometimes, but only because of her own life choices.
And while I’m scared to walk away, I know it’s for the best. I just want you to know that, if you decide to get some help and heal yourself, you can always call me. I’ll leave my phone number at the bottom. Only call me if you’re my mom again and not the woman I’ve been living with for almost the last thirteen years. I really do miss her.
Love,
Willow
When I’m done, I set the pen down and leave the note on the kitchen table. Beck stays at my side the entire time, holding my hand, assuring me that I’m not in this alone.
It’s a very new feeling for me, one I’ll take.
As we’re walking out of the house, I realize I have one final problem to take care of.
“And the Mercedes returns,” I mutter with a frown as the door opens and my dad climbs out.
Beck tracks my gaze, and then his hand tightens on mine. “Let’s just get in the car. You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to.”
I really don’t. At the same time, I know the lack of closure will eat me up.
“I’m just going to tell him that I want him to leave me alone.”
I start toward my dad, pulling Beck along with me, and he follows effortlessly.
“Hey,” he says when I reach him. “I’m really glad I caught you. I know you want me to leave you alone, but I’d really like to talk to you.”
He’s wearing a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, slacks, and shiny as hell shoes. I wonder if he just got off work. I wonder where he works. I wonder a lot of things, not knowing anything about him other than he walked out on his family without looking back.