Chapter 1
Two years ago I learned the hard way how every moment of our lives define everything we are and everything we will be. These moments either bind us deeply with reality or severs us from all the ties that bind us to it and in those precious seconds we decide which path we will choose. The path of life or the path of death.
My path has been chosen and my time on this earth is limited. I know this with every single breath I take, with every sunrise and sunset I see. I have total control of it. It will be my choice, my time and my decision, but today is not that day. Today I look around me at the same sight I have seen every morning for the past four years. The same brick building that I stood staring up at my freshman year of high school. The sign on the front reads Jackson Heights High School.
Looking up at the massive two story building I can honestly say that I will not miss it. At all. It's my first day as a senior. By all accounts it should be the best year. The one you have waited for since that first day you stepped into the hollowed walls of a school building, but I’m not the same girl I once was. Now I see my old best friends, Molly and Reed, sitting on the entrance steps laughing. Turning back to the parking lot I spot JT Higgins, my ex-boyfriend, laughing and kissing the one that replaced me, Stacie Courtman, while leaning against his shiny red Ford truck. I guess we have all moved forward.
Turning back, I look towards Molly. Her red hair shines brightly in the morning sun almost like it was on fire. I notice that she is glaring at me and then proceeds to lean down and whisper to Reed. He raises his dark eyes and stares at me. His look is challenging me to walk towards them. Looking down at my feet, the pain consumes me, because I know I’m not the only one remembering how close we once were. Our parents had all been friends in college and we all grew up on the same street. “Thick as thieves” my Dad used to say. There is not a childhood memory that I have that doesn't include them both. My heart starts hurting and my eyes glisten with tears I didn’t think I could still shed.
Taking a deep breath, I compose myself. It's a muggy hot Georgia morning and if I stand here knee deep in memories any longer I may melt. Even in a yellow barely there t-shirt and blue jean mini (just long enough not to get me sent home) and a pair of yellow low top converse, I’m starting to sweat or as my southern grandmother would say glisten. At least I pulled my long dark hair up in a ponytail this morning and since I don’t wear make-up, only lip gloss, nothing is sweating off.
Walking toward the steps I hear a deep voice from behind me.
"Hey James. Wait up."
Yes, I have a boy’s name. My mother named me after her grandfather who raised her, but all my friends have always called me Jay. I turn to see Caleb Myers smiling at me. Cal and I also go way back to kindergarten. Bonding over food because I used to feed him my lunch all through elementary school and somehow in his mind this equated that I was forever his best friend. Now he is a two-hundred pound plus (mostly muscle) big teddy bear. Cal is one of the starting offensive linemen for the Jackson Heights Bulldog Football team. He is also the one person that I still talk to for the only reason that Cal doesn't give up easily. When everyone else got tired of the cold shoulder and my bitchy ways and left me alone, Cal kept coming back for more. After a while, I got tired of being mean to him and decided that I would just have to get used to the big guy. Cal threw his massive arm around my shoulders and gave me a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek.
"Geez Cal, happy to see me?" I couldn't help smiling.
"Yeah Girl, it's been a long hot ass summer and we are finally seniors. Rule the school and all that shit. Now tell me how much you missed me."
I chuckle because I did miss him. I ignored his hundred million text messages and calls this past summer. Choosing again to keep only to myself which is pretty much the same as what I did last year. My motto was no lake, no parties and no people. My smile fades as I glance up at him. He looks serious all of a sudden. Cal takes his hand and gently lifts my chin to look into my eyes.
"Jay.....I’ve been thinking and I need to get this out. This is our last year in high school. You can change things, it's not too late." I try to grab his hand to tug it away from my face, but he holds tighter to my chin. "Don't do this...don't continue to push everyone away," he says as his eyes plead with mine.
The look of pain that I see there is heart breaking and it takes my breath away. Somehow it’s like he knows my secrets and my intentions. Shaking my head, I force his hand from my face.
“You don’t know what you are talking about Cal. Just leave it alone,” I say to him.