I asked her what she had planned for us, and she started to get excited. She made plans for us to watch the dolphins, fish with the guys, do some snorkeling, go surfing; which, by the way, I’m not doing at all. Shopping, of course, as well as lying out enjoying the day were givens, though. She wanted to have dinner in her room for her birthday and relax. The rest of the nights, she wanted to party.
“Well, the night of the dinner, why don’t we do something big? Maybe we can rent out a room here, and I can cook you a birthday dinner.”
She clapped her hands.
“Oh, I was so hoping you would say that. So here are the prices for the rooms.”
I smiled brightly at my friend. She always looked at life in a positive way and never let anything get her down. I was distraught when my grandparents died, and she was there for me one hundred percent. When her mom passed, she didn’t let it bring her down. She stayed positive and just wanted to remember all the good things about her mom—and not the fact that she was gone.
We made plans to start our day early with breakfast. When she told me we would be joined by Diane, I sighed. It would be a long day with questions I’m sure she will throw my way. Well, I will make it known to her that, if Mason didn’t tell her about us, then I wasn’t going to either. Besides, it’s not my story to tell.
Kat stayed a little longer after Cory had walked in. We talked a little, and Kat told her cousin about tomorrow’s golf outing she planned for the guys as well as the other events she told me about. We laughed and joked for a while as Cory and I unpacked our clothes.
After about an hour, she left, and it was just me and Cory. I took a very long hot shower, and when I got out, Cory was lying on the bed only in his boxer briefs. I had on just a tank and short shorts, and I folded my arms in front of my chest.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” I asked him
“Well, I figured since your ex clearly has moved on, I figured why shouldn’t we?”
I told Cory a little bit about Mason, but not everything. He doesn’t know how close we were. He doesn’t know how deep my feelings are—I mean were. All he knows is that we dated, and he decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore.
“Um sorry, buddy, but it doesn’t work that way. You can take the bed, and I’ll take the couch.”
I headed for the couch, and Cory jumped up from the bed.
“No, Max, really. You can take the bed, and I’ll take the couch.”
He walked up to me and placed his hands against my cheek.
“Do you realize how beautiful you are?”
“Cory…” I started to protest, but he bent down and placed a gentle kiss against my lips.
I opened my mouth so he could deepen the kiss, but I was conscious about him taking this further. I didn’t want that, but I knew he did. Suddenly I felt him grow on my belly, and I went to pull back.
“Max, I want you so much,” he whispered, continuing to hold me close.
“Cory, I just can’t yet. Okay? I’m sorry.”
I stepped away from him, and without looking to see what he was working with, I walked quickly to the bed. I heard him sigh, but he didn’t say anything. He seemed to wait until I completely got in the bed before he turned out the lights.
“Good night, Max.”
“Good night, Cory, and thank you for understanding,” I told him.
I know this is so unfair to him, but I’m afraid to give myself to anyone like that anymore. I don’t want to be broken hearted and thrown away like I didn’t matter. I heard him sigh again.
Then he said, “That’s me; Mr. Understanding.”
I feel so guilty about everything. I like hanging around him. He makes me feel wanted. But I’m just not sure if I can give him what he needs. Hell, I’m not sure what I need. I know I need to really talk to him and explain everything. Maybe then, he’ll understand why I’m so hesitant.
My mind then went to Mason. Even though I could tell he isn’t himself, he still looked good. I started to remember all the ways he made me feel good, how he just knew how to pleasure me in ways that I never knew existed. We were so good together physically. Was that all we were?
I didn’t think so. I felt we were more than that. All the time we spent together in his apartment, cooking together, watching TV, talking and listening to music. We laughed and joked all the time. We enjoyed each other’s company without an effort. There was no way our relationship was one-sided. So if that was the case, why in the hell did he just leave me like he did? What was it about me he didn’t want?
I have been racking my brain for a long time trying to figure this out. Now maybe, since we’re here together, I can get some closure. Maybe that’s all I need is for him to tell me face to face that he doesn’t want me. If he can say the words to me, then maybe I can finally move on with my life. It’s possible that’s all I need to give my heart to someone deserving.