Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male(41)

“Do you mind telling me what’s going through your head right now?”

“Not particularly…no.”

“Maxine,” he started.

But I just couldn’t stand to hear it, so I interrupted.

“Look, Mason. This has been great. Okay, I mean the sex was amazing to say the least.” I laughed uncomfortably, “But come on. You telling me that I’m ‘the most beautiful.’ I mean really, I’ve already given it up to you without a fight. You don’t have to pour it on so thick.”

There, I’ve said what I’ve been thinking all this while; how much of a whore I was for throwing myself at this man.

“You should at least look at me when you insult me,” he spit out.

Huh?

I looked at him, and I saw the hurt exposed all in his face and demeanor. I was confused at what I saw. I mean, clearly, he had to be thinking the same thing right? He jumped up from the bed, and I instinctively backed up slightly. He got to me quickly before I could retreat, and had me pinned up against his dresser.

His otherwise smiling blue eyes were gone. They normally were light as the blue sky, but now they seemed darker to me. He was angry, but I couldn’t understand why.

“Don’t presume to know what I’m thinking. Why don’t you just ask me?”

His eyes burned through me. I could barely look at him without feeling guilty. My mouth was dry and, surprisingly, I was a bit turned on at the moment. What the hell is wrong with me?

I grew a set of balls, figuratively speaking mind you, and said to him, “Look Mason, I’m sure any other day or place you wouldn’t have given me a second thought. And I’m sure you have been surrounded by beautiful women all your life. I’m just a no one with nothing. I don’t expect anything from you. I mean, I’m not looking for a relationship, and I know you aren’t either. Let’s just call this what it is and not complicate things okay?”

His intense blue eyes never left mine. I could still see anger in his eyes, and they were starting to unnerve me. His lips were in a tight line, and I could see he was reeling in his anger. His muscles were tight and flexed. And the closeness of his body was doing other things to me.

“So, let me get this straight,” he finally said to me. “Because I have money, I assume that what you’re implying is that I wouldn’t find you attractive whatsoever?”

I realized the mistake I had made as he said those words. But hell, it’s there. We are from two separate worlds. I would be stupid to think otherwise.

“Maxine, I should bend you over my knee and spank the shit out of you. Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

My eyes grew in shock.

Spanking me? Really?

“For the past few weeks, since I saw you at the fighting facility that day, I’ve thought about nothing except you. I wanted to talk to you, to be with you. You’re right, considering the way that my life is now, no, I’m not looking for anything. But that hasn’t stopped me from wanting you. You are an amazing woman that has a body that drives me insane. You have a voice that can shatter me with just a note. I don’t think it has anything to do with what I have or what you don’t. No matter where we would have met, the moment you stepped into the room, I would have been weak for you.” He placed his hand back along my cheek. “I can’t say I can promise you shit because I’m so fucked up in the head right now, it’s unreal. I’m fighting back from a darkness that I’ve been in for far too long. But meeting you has given me the motivation to find my way out of that darkness. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t matter to me, because you do. I don’t want you to think that there is any other woman I would rather be with, because there isn’t. I’ve never met anyone with your spirit, your beauty, and your grace. I was hoping you felt the same way about me in some form, which you showed when you came to see me. I want to believe that you came to my place with dinner, not to throw yourself at me, but because you couldn’t stand it anymore…that you wanted me just as much as I wanted you.”

I felt the tears in my eyes as he spoke to me. I felt like shit for saying what I said, but I couldn’t help it. He makes me feel insecure. I know he is way out of my league. No matter what he says to me, when this is over, he’s going to destroy me. I just hope I have enough strength to survive it.

I started to tell him that, but all I got was his name out before his lips were on mine. I let him kiss me, but I didn’t touch him.

I think he knew what I was doing, and he said against my lips, “Touch me, angel. I need to feel you.”