The fog of all the death I had seen was suffocating me, and I could feel the darkness creeping up within me. Then suddenly it all seemed to fade when I heard her voice. My eyes shot up and locked onto hers as she glided over to me. All of the fog was starting to disseminate. The feeling of loss was fading and being replaced by the need for this woman. My heart started to beat faster as she got closer to me. I was captivated by her beautiful eyes, hypnotized by the sway of her hips, rendered helpless by the fullness of her lips, and, fuck, I was hungry for her touch.
I’m not a shy person. I have no problem being assertive, bold, arrogant, cocky, or blunt. I can go on and on about the lengths I could stoop to. But this woman has turned on something in me that I’ve been working on suppressing. I feel like I’m losing control, and I don’t know how to handle it. I want to kiss her. I want to grab her by her hair and impose my will on her.
For the rest of that night, we just talked and laughed. I found myself telling her stories about my childhood and all the jokes me and my brother pulled. I loved watching her laugh and smile. It made me feel warm and giddy…and some other shit that I really don’t want to say out loud. I asked her questions, just to hear her talk. Her voice was making me lose my mind. I imagined how she would sound if she moaned with pleasure, what she would say to me and how her touch would feel. I tried to concentrate on playing the piano to keep from revealing the damn boner I had just by her sitting next to me.
As the night ended, I tried to figure out a way to take her home with me. But I couldn’t. She has a boyfriend, for one. He’s an asshole. But he exists, and I don’t like to share. So I couldn’t press on her. I was glad she was stronger than I was. If she did happen to ask me to go home with her, I wouldn’t hesitate.
So I found myself walking home in the cold. But I wasn’t feeling anything but warmth from just being around her. She smelled amazing. She looked heavenly and sexy. I couldn’t take my eyes off her the whole night she was next to me. The Scotch I consumed wasn’t clearing my judgment at all. But I told myself, Hey, I can handle this. If I don’t go to The Bar too much, I won’t see her but once a week at the fights.
When Sunday came around, I watched sports in my apartment all day and worked out some. My brother called me about some business shit, so I worked for a little bit before I called it a night. I did everything I could not to think of Max. But that night I beat off just thinking about her and hoping this would be the last time I would do this. But fate is not my friend.
When I got to Lou’s gym to work out, she was there. I was shocked at first. She smiled at me, and I fucking melted.
Yeah, some bitch shit I know, but that’s the only way I can describe what happened. I was fucking putty as she talked to me and smiled at me. I got jealous when the other guys in the gym were talking to her or eye fucking her.
She told me she was working out the rest of her internship here at the gym, with Stephen, the sports rehab specialist that works with Lou and the fighters he trains. She had started the internship before she got with Travis. Well, she said ‘Trip,’ but I’ll be damned if I’m going to call him that shit. But now that they broke up…
I paused and interrupted her, “You two broke up?”
She nodded.
“Yes, we broke up on Saturday. Look, I don’t want to bore you with the details, so please don’t ask.”
Holy shit. I had to take a small step away from her and close my mouth. I suddenly felt the urge to attack, to be the assertive arrogant asshole that I can be. There was no doubt I wanted her. But fuck, she just broke up with her boyfriend. How insensitive would I be to ask her out right now? This, of course, was the conversation my head was having with my conscience. But my dick was saying something else, and I felt myself crossing the blurred lines.
I told myself I needed to respect her space, so I made myself scarce.
I smiled telling myself, Hell, I can handle this.
After all, she doesn’t seem to be interested in yours truly. She’s just being nice to me. However, instead of staying away from her, I found myself seeing her almost every day while I trained and almost every night. I started to become a regular at The Bar when she was there working, of course. I don’t know if she seemed to mind me being there or not, but she never seemed to feel I was bothering her. I let her do her job, of course, and I tried not to be alone by dragging Alex along with me. He put up a fuss at first, but I gently reminded him he owed me for the many nights I went out with him and Rachel.
Alex quickly forgot all about him escorting me to see a female I had no intentions of pushing up on when he started talking to Teresa or Tiny. A few nights a week turned to almost every day and weekends. I would make it to The Bar to watch her and her friends perform. Secretly I wished she was thinking about me when she sang or fantasizing about me when she danced.