I risked coming closer to her, and she didn’t seem to notice.
I said, “The day I saw you after so many years approach the table at dinner, I thought I would lose my shit right there.”
She frowned.
“Really? Because I couldn’t tell that when you saw me.”
“Really? Well, I thought I was going to faint like a bitch. You took my breath away, and I couldn’t stop shaking. I shoved my hands in my pocket so no one could see how you affected me. The way you smelled, how good you looked. I wanted to fall at your feet and beg your forgiveness right then.”
“Yeah, what stopped you?”
“The look on your face when you met Diane, the sight of Cory hugging you. I didn’t feel right wanting you the way that I had and being pissed off that you moved on. But I wanted you so desperately, I couldn’t think straight. I was pissed off about Cory, but most of all, I was pissed off at myself. I shouldn’t have left you to begin with. I should have stayed with you.” Here goes nothing…“Allura, I’m just asking for another chance.”
“Are you kidding me? So what? So you can break my heart again? Or fall into that darkness you keep talking about?”
I shook my head.
“Allura, I’m not going to lie. I do have those moments. Hell, I was still deep in darkness at the beach. But damn if you didn’t save me again. I was a grumpy and lousy drunk for so long, but just seeing the disappointment in your eyes made a difference. You told me to stop drinking, and I did. Not just because you said so, but damn it, because I wanted to. I wanted to be different for you. I know you wouldn’t have reached me back then, but you did just when I needed you to.”
She shook her head.
“I can’t afford to give you a second chance, Mason.”
“Baby, I know I’ve done some fucked up things but…”
“Mason, you tell me you love me now but it doesn’t change the fact that you are, or were, engaged. You decided I wasn’t good enough to be your wife. That has fucked with me ever since I met Diane. How can you tell me it’s just over with you and her so easily and think I’m just going to take you back.”
“Diane and I didn’t have what you and I shared.”
“Bullshit, Mason. You fucked her every day and night. You gave yourself to her.”
“The fuck I did. Allura, you have been, and always will be, the one woman I will ever love. I never touched Diane the way I touched you. I’ve never kissed her the way I kissed you—not ever. The way you and I were, how I gave myself to you whole heartedly, I have never ever felt this way for anyone as I do you. Diane and I had an agreement. I wanted her family’s business connections. The only way we could achieve a merger is if they thought we were married. That’s the extent of our arrangement. I had no intentions of making her my wife. There is only one woman that I want to be my wife, and she’s standing right in front of me.”
She frowned.
“So you used her? That’s worse, Mason.”
I shook my head.
“No, I didn’t use her. She came to me, and we just had a mutual understanding. That’s all.”
“Mason, we aren’t a good idea.” She protested, but I moved closer to her.
“Yes, we are. Allura, I’m not complete without you. I need you in my life. I’m nothing without you, baby. You make me feel alive and loved beyond what I even feel I deserve, and I don’t want to let that go ever.”
I made it to her without her realizing my approach, and my hands went to her face. I caressed her cheek and looked in her eyes. I didn’t care she saw the glint of moisture in them. I didn’t care if she felt the tremble in my touch. My heart felt like it was going to bust out of my chest, but I needed her to feel what I was saying.
“Mason…” she said softly but she didn’t move from my touch.
“Just tell me what I need to do, baby, and I’ll do it.”
“You promised me, and you broke it.”
“I know. I had to. But as God is my witness, I’ll never do that again. I’ll never lie to you, cheat on you, or be disloyal to you. I will give you every part of me—good and bad—without hesitation. I’d do anything for you if you just give me a chance. We can take our time, baby, and start over if you like. I’ll court you and call you every night and beg you to go out with me. I’ll wine you and dine you every night when you finally say yes. I’ll do my best to spoil you in every way.” I placed my forehead against hers. “I love you, Allura.”
I moved my hands down her arms and went for her waist, and she pushed me away.