Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male(14)

I was glad he didn’t push, because I didn’t want to tell him the real reason for my sour mood. It’s crazy to admit that I want a woman that I can’t have so badly that it’s pissing me off. As I said before, I’m not hard up for companionship, by no means. I think it’s the idea of having something that you can’t that’s fueling my frustration.

Lou told me I was done for the day. He didn’t want me to use any more energy today than was necessary, so I decided to jump rope awhile before I hit the shower. While I was jumping rope, I took this time to look at my competition in the room. Not all the fighters were there, but there were a few. Each fighter ranged in height and weight. Their fighting style was different, of course. But as I watched them, I learned most had the same weakness: arrogance. From the distance between us, I could see the cockiness in their eyes, the way they stood around, and even how they threw punches and kicks. As I mentioned before, I’ve been fighting since I was very young. So I passed the whole cocky and arrogant stages years ago.

I have respect for any fighter I’m up against, knowing at any given moment they had the potential to find my weakness and exploit it. So I’ve learned to never show weakness in a fight and in battle, and to always be smarter and cleverer than my opponents. It’s been bred in me through every martial arts sensei I had and every instructor in the Navy. My superiors hated to see me go and even tried their best to set me up, so I had to stay a SEAL for however long they wanted me. But as I said before, I was taught to never show either weakness or how much smarter I was than my opponents. Whatever they tried to do didn’t work, and I was out.

What’s crazy is I still couldn’t let go of the rush of a fight. I’m hoping that these next few months I’ll work all that out and stay out of the darkness that chokes me most nights. Then I’ll be ready to resume the life I had before I left for the service.

My eyes fell on Choir Boy, and I smirked as he was sparing with someone. I could see what Max meant when she said he wasn’t into winning. He had no form or style of fighting. I knew after just watching him a few minutes that my fight wouldn’t be much tomorrow. He was all over the place though and very unpredictable. I would probably have to do to him what I did to Lawrence and end the fight before it even starts.

I watched a few other fighters and saw they were more serious about what they were doing. They had skills too and would be worthy opponents when the time came. I may not show my hand with Choir Boy too soon tomorrow. I want to stay under the radar for as long as I can. The longer the other fighters underestimate me, the quicker I can get to who I really wanted to fight.

My eyes finally fell on the people I wanted to avoid. I first watched her boyfriend. He was about the same height as me or slightly shorter. He was slightly bigger than me, but the way he threw his punches and moved around the punching bag told me everything I needed to know about what kind of fighter he was. I was told he won all but one fight last year, but during the season he had an undefeated record.

I could smell the arrogance and cockiness from all the way across the room. He reeked of it. I smiled slightly at the idea of knocking him the fuck out.

My eyes then drifted over to the true reason for my frustration. She wore another form-fitting shirt and jeans with a pair of fur boots. She had her head down, engrossed in whatever she was reading, and didn’t see me watching her.

I thought back to the way she smiled at me yesterday, the way she looked at me, and most of all the fact that she was talking about me. I then frowned. How the hell did she know I was from Texas? It was that moment she put her head up and looked right at me, as if she sensed I was thinking about her.

Her eyes didn’t move from mine as I continued my cadence with my eyes. I hated the fact that I wanted her as bad as I did. I hated the fact that I couldn’t have her, and I hated the fact she was with that piece of shit. Something was up with him, and I didn’t like him. I could see the trepidation in the way she looked at her boyfriend. Even just being around him isn’t sitting well with her.

She finally smiled briefly and looked back at her book. I didn’t react to her smile. I was too busy trying not to go over there and talk to her. Hell, I should do it anyway, just to mess with her boyfriend. I could feel his eyes on me while I watched his girlfriend.

Max, at that moment, looked up at her boyfriend and frowned. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but I could read lips. It was one of many skills the Navy taught me. She was telling him to stop being ridiculous because she was just being nice. ‘Huh? What’s this? Trouble in paradise?’