Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male(137)

I shook my head no, and looked in my lap. I knew where he was going, but it wasn’t making me feel any less guilty.

“AB told me that she would even throw up and would be in horrible pain, but she would never let anyone take her to the doctor. She would just ride it out, and the next morning she would be fine. Was anything different this time that gave you warning bells?”

“No, Mason. But I still should have known this was different. She was so tired and groggy, and she couldn’t take her meds because of the baby. So, I told her if the pain doesn’t subside I was taking her to the hospital. I was going to tell her we needed to go and make sure she was okay, but she got up and did the strangest thing.” I sniffed, wiping the wetness from my face with my shirt. “She looked back at me and told me she loved me and that she was glad I was here. It was like she was telling me goodbye, like she knew what was going to happen.”

“Maybe she did, and she knew that when she did go, you would take her passing the hardest. So, she wanted there to be no doubt in your mind how she felt about you. But baby, do you think she would want you to second guess yourself this way?”

He moved closer to me and pulled me into him. He tilted up my head to where our eyes met.

He said softly, “You know I haven’t done well with Alex’s death. I blamed myself for years. I wondered if I would have been able to save him if I was there. But, baby, it took me a long time and I will admit that I still have a hard time accepting that it was just his time to go. It fucking sucks that the people you love can be taken from you at any moment, and we can’t do anything about it. I know there’s a difference where people die by the hands of someone’s bad decision or bad actions. But there are times where things just happen, and this is one of them. Just think about the fact that you were here with her…that she knew she had you. Maybe she was scared but couldn’t express that feeling to you. But knowing she had you could have made everything better for her.”

I hugged him tight. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

When I realized what I said, I pulled back from him and shied away.

He had a sly grin on his face. “It’s a gift.”

I smiled and pushed him. “You are so full of yourself.”

His smile slipped slowly from his face, and he looked at me intently. Finally, he cleared his throat and looked away.

“Listen, I have to go. What time is your appointment tomorrow?”

“It’s in the afternoon at 1:30 p.m.”

“Oh, okay. I have a bunch of meetings tomorrow, but call me when you guys are done. Maybe we can go have a late lunch or something.”

I nodded, and he stood. He put his sneakers back on and gave me a chaste kiss on my lips.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

During the next few days, I made preparations to bury my best friend. Cory and AB were pivotal parts of the process. When the time came for the actual service, it was beautiful. Mimi sang two songs for me, and I managed not to cry too much. AB was a mess, but he was being held together by two of the most thoughtful and caring men I had ever seen. Mason and Marcus never left his side. The problem I realized is Diane never left Mason’s.

After we laid my friend to rest, we ended up at AB’s restaurant. He had a home-going celebration there. All of Tiffany’s family and friends went there to eat and extend their condolences to her family. Cory, Mimi, Tiny, and myself made the stage and the piano our home. We sang all types of songs that night in tribute to my friend.

Everyone drank a lot too. But for some reason, I wasn’t in the mood to do that much drinking. My heart was aching with loss on all fronts of my life. I watched Diane stare at her fiancé for most of the night with this look in her eyes. I could see how much she loved him, and I could see he loved her too. He stayed with her, which made me feel even lonelier. It also made me really evaluate everything in my life. These past few months have been something that I wasn’t ready or proud of, especially the times I was with Mason. I felt lost and empty, and as much as I wanted a life with Mason, I honestly didn’t think it was in my cards.

He had asked someone else to marry him. I think if he was lonely and miserable like I was, maybe things would be different. But he moved on. Me, hell, I was stuck in the past. I hadn’t found what I wanted and needed. I felt Mason’s eyes on me, and he smiled. I smiled back. But inside I was scared half out of my mind.

Tiny and Mimi stayed with me for a few more days after the funeral before they went home. I had promised them I would see them very soon, and we would catch up correctly.

Tiny asked, “So, what are you going to do with Mr. Wonderful?”