Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male(111)

“… And now we’ll have the final song done by Maxine Shaw.”

I whipped my head around and frowned.

“Oh no, I’m done singing,” I told her.

“Nope, you’re not. It’s my birthday officially now, and you owe me a song. Let’s go hop to it.”

The guys from the band were chanting my name, with help from Kat. I groaned and rose from my seat.

“Sing my favorite please?”

“Oh, come on. Kat, no.”

I looked around the room, and my eyes landed on a curious Mason.

“Yes. Please? It was my mom’s favorite. Can you do it in memory of her?”

I closed my eyes and nodded. Kat hugged me fiercely, and she announced.

“Most of you know Monkey and I are very close. We grew up together. To entertain my mom, sometimes we would sing songs to her. One of my mom’s favorite songs for Monkey to sing was I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston.”

I stood there feeling a little exposed. I’ve never been nervous to sing. It’s usually the opposite. I feel confident and at peace. What’s unnerving me is the set of piercing blue eyes that feel like they are breaking me down. I know this song I’m about to sing is going to be something else entirely. I start off soft, and I look around the room. I feel my body getting into character as I sing. I’m becoming one with the music and one with the lyrics. They speak to two parts of my life. One is the life I should have with Cory. But the second is the life I’ve had with Mason and so desperately want to have again…but can’t.

When I get to the famous chord of the song to bring in the chorus, I’m completely enthralled in the music and my performance. I don’t see anyone in front of me but Mason. I’m singing to him without even realizing that I am. I can’t move my eyes from his. He’s leaning back in his chair with his arm around Diane, which fuels me even more to express my feelings through this song.

When the music stopped, I felt so much energy surging through my body. I couldn’t contain it. I noticed everyone was standing, except Mason. He just watched me with a blank expression that I couldn’t read. Kat broke my trance by hugging me. She had tears in her eyes, and I knew they were tears for her mom.

She whispered, “Thank you.”

I nodded and kissed her cheek.

“Okay, that was fucking sick. I tell you that if you don’t sign a contract with someone, you’re doing this world a disservice,” Danny, the lead singer from the band, remarked.

Everyone around me congratulated me—telling me how I need to sing and how rare my gift was—but I was only partly listening. I needed some air.

I went over to Cory and whispered, “I need you to wrap this party up and meet me in the room. You and I really need to talk.”

I gave him a reassuring look. Watching the lack of reaction to my song in Mason’s eyes, the way he was touching Diane tonight, I know what I’m doing and feeling is wrong. I have a great man in my life that wants to be with me. He knows all my faults and flaws, and he still wants me. That is saying something, in my opinion.

Cory smiled brightly and said in the mic, “Well, cousin, I hope you had a great birthday party. But we have to say ‘goodnight.’”

I looked at Kat, and we had unspoken communication between each other. She knew I needed to leave this room, and she nodded and smiled. Leaving the room took a while, though. There were more people in this room, mainly hotel workers, telling me how beautiful I sounded and looked. Hell, I think someone slipped me their room key.

Marie and Marcus each hugged me before I left and escaped to my room. I couldn’t get out of this dress fast enough. I settled on a pair of cotton shorts and an oversize sweatshirt that hung off my shoulders and didn’t reach but to the middle of my waist.

I paced around in the room, trying to decide how I’m going to approach this with Cory. I purposefully didn’t have on any underclothes. That should make this easier. I just take off the shirt when he gets in here, and he should be able to take it from there, right? Maybe if I give myself to him finally, I can let Mason go. There was a knock on my door. So without thinking I quickly opened it, and found Marcus standing in front of me. He seemed to have on a different jacket than before, but I couldn’t quite understand why.

“What?” I said bluntly.

“Max, we need to talk.”

He walked inside my room, and I looked at him. I watched his eyes, and I couldn’t read anything in his eyes, which reminded me of his brother.

I lost it. “What else does he want from me? Does he want me to apologize for that song, because I can’t. God, just tell him I get it. Okay? I finally accept that he doesn’t want me. I’m not good enough. I’m not pretty enough. I’m not sexy enough. I’m not rich enough for him. I understand all of that now, okay? I know I’ll never be good enough for him, Marcus. I get it. You don’t have to tell me anything. He doesn’t have to use you to shatter me, because he can do it himself.”