Ruined And Redeemed(6)

But there was nothing. Nothing but the open land.

Sinking down onto a soft patch of ground, flanked by a bush with gentle leaves, Charlotte ripped out handfuls of stalks of the tall grass around her and used it as a pillow to bed her head.

The moment her eyes closed, her stomach ceased its protest and her body relaxed, abandoning all hold on reality and drifting off into a world where time had no meaning.

It was in that place that Kenneth came to her again.

With his warm, kind eyes looking into hers, he whispered promises she knew he’d never meant to break. But he had, and his loss had sent her down a path she could never undo. She had become a monster, allowed her own pain to change who she was, and there was no turning back.

When she awoke the next morning, Charlotte for a moment expected the white walls of her cell, the strange smell of confinement and the confused mumblings of others like her. Instead, she found a clear blue sky touching green pastures, all set aglow by a warming sun.

Never in her life had Charlotte seen anything so beautiful.

And it scared her.

How could she live in such a world? For years, all that she had known had been pain and loss, agony and regret. Was there even anything left of her old self? Or had her soul long since been consumed, eaten alive little by little ever since that one fateful night years ago?

Again, an image flashed before her eyes, and Charlotte cringed.

This man’s eyes were neither kind nor warm. Instead, they promised pain and humiliation. The sneer on his face told her that he cared for no one, only himself, only his wants and desires. The memory sent a chill down her back and turned her stomach upside down.

Although filled with very little, it churned and rumbled, and a sickening sensation spread through her body. Drawing in ragged breaths, she could barely hold herself propped up on her elbows before her stomach expelled its final contents.

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Charlotte dragged her tired limbs away until the stench that assaulted her nostrils had finally vanished. Her eyes filled with tears, and she rolled over onto her belly and buried her face in her hands.

There she lay for a long time as her life slowly caught up with her.

Bit by bit, her memories returned and she wept for all that had happened, all that had been done to her and all that she had done to others. How could she blame Lord Northfield for his misconduct if she herself had done far worse?

Rolling onto her back, Charlotte closed her eyes, hoping to give her mind a moment of peace. However, the second she did, she found herself looking at Kenneth once again−Kenneth and his smiling eyes and his heart of gold. She also saw the disappointed look on her father’s face as he had shaken his head at her for what she had done. She saw Frederick’s solemn eyes as he had gulped down one drink after another. Then she saw Leopold on the floor, writhing in pain, his wife’s sobs filling the air as she watched her husband die.

Charlotte knew that she had crossed a line that there was no coming back from such a heinous deed. Then what ought she to do now?

For a moment, she thought to simply lie there in the early morning sun and wait for death to claim her. However, her body instantly protested. Her mouth felt dry, and her stomach churned. Her eyes burned, and her throat was parched. Her limbs ached, and her head throbbed. And yet, it was her heart that hurt the most.

Where had all this pain suddenly come from? Charlotte wondered. How had she not felt it before?

Lying still, Charlotte tried to calm her frantic thoughts, and before long, a soft sound reached her ears. It had probably been with her throughout the night, only her mind had been too occupied to hear it.

Pushing herself up, Charlotte began to crawl through the tall-stemmed grass until she reached another side of the field that led down into a sparkling green valley, here and there dotted with groves. Hesitantly, she stood up, her knees wobbly, and scanned the land before her.

There, not too far away, a small stream trickled through the ocean of grass.

Licking her cracked lips, Charlotte strode forward as fast as her body allowed.

When she finally reached the small bank, she almost dropped to the ground, her hands eagerly reaching for the nourishing liquid. Scooping it up with her cupped hand, she forced herself to drink slowly, aware of her stomach’s delicate state.

It felt heavenly.

After drinking her fill, Charlotte sat down in the shade of a large oak tree, resting her back against its huge trunk. The world around her looked so beautiful, yet, −

No!

Shaking her head, Charlotte forced the thoughts away. Kenneth had been right. She had to make a choice. Live or die? For a reason she couldn’t name, maybe simply an innate desire to survive, she hadn’t been able to choose death. Therefore, her only choice was to live, and if she had to live, then she couldn’t entertain these thoughts. She had to lock them away and only think about what her body needed to stay alive.