Ruined(5)

“Yeah, London, he needs his girl time or he’ll lose all his estrogen,” Kayne digs.

“What’s esprjin?” Layla asks cheerfully.

We all erupt.

“It’s your daddy’s super power,” Kayne tells her, highly amused.

“That’s right.” Jett tries to grab the gorgeous little blonde with her daddy’s coloring and mommy’s stunning face, but she latches onto Kayne’s neck. Jett should know by now those two really are stuck together like peanut butter and jelly.

“Fine, then,” he says to Layla, sticking out his tongue. She just laughs at him while holding Kayne tight.

“You’re going to have to let go sooner or later.” London delivers her the bad news as she puts Becks in his playpen. “Daddy and Uncle Kayne are going hiking.”

“I wanna go!” She bops in Kayne’s arms. “Please, please, please!”

Kayne and Jett throw a communicative look at each other.

“I don’t have a problem with it.” Kayne shrugs, more than happy to take her.

Jett huffs. “You really want to go?” he asks Layla directly.

“Yes, pleassse, Daddy?” Her turquoise eyes sparkle just like his.

“What do you think?” Jett consults London.

“It’s fine with me. I just need to grab a hat and some sunscreen for her.”

Let me tell you something. Kayne and Jett may think they run things, but this little girl rules the roost.

“I’ll grab the carrier,” Jett sighs, pretending to be annoyed. He pinches Layla’s calf right before he walks out of the room. She giggles loudly in triumph.

As we wait for Jett to return, London grabs sunscreen from the bathroom and lathers Layla up. She then retrieves some snacks and a juice box from the kitchen just as Jett returns with a blue book bag looking thing.

“I want to go on Uncle Kayne’s back!” Layla demands in a whiney tone.

“Fine with me,” Jett agrees all too willingly.

“Of course, you can,” Kayne placates her sweetly, resting his forehead against hers. “Your daddy couldn’t carry a butterfly up a hill.”

“I like butterflies.”

“I know you do, pretty girl.” He chuckles.

Jett leers at Kayne, “Aww, ffff . . . Fudgesicle.”

“I want a Fudgesicle!” Layla exclaims.

London and I can barely hold it together. The interaction between the three of them is just too cute.

“Okay. Time to go.” London starts ushering the two men and a little lady out.

Layla becomes excited. “I want to see fish! And a waterfall and a rainbow!”

“Whatever you want, jelly,” Kayne appeases her as he carries her out the front door. “You can put in your full order in the car.”

Yes, my heart actually skips a beat watching the two of them together.

“Have fun!” London yells. “Be careful! Jett, stay on the trail!”

I don’t hear Jett’s response clearly, but I think it was along the lines of “Yeah, yeah, woman, I know!”

Once gone, London shuts the door, turns around, and gives me a look. That look. Oh no, here it comes.

“That man needs a child.” The words fly out of her mouth as if on cue.

“Please don’t start,” I implore her, instantly annoyed.

“I am just making an observation,” she defends her statement.

“You’ve been making that observation a lot lately.”

“I can’t help what I see.”

I lean on the kitchen island and stare at London. “I’m just not sure.”

She dispenses a sympathetic look. “I know the subject of family is between you and Kayne, but Ellie, just tell me what you’re afraid of.”

It takes me a few moments to answer her, as I try to put my feelings into words. “Everything.”

“Everything?” She crosses her arms confounded. “Do you think you’re going to be a bad mother?”

“Compared to you, maybe,” I joke.

“Ellie.”

“No, it’s not that.” I wrap my arms around myself. “I just know what’s out there. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to my children.”

London’s face drops. “Oh, Ellie.”

I wipe my eye, a rebel tear forming in the corner.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know.” I try to smile. “I just don’t know how you do it.”

London moves closer to me until our bodies are touching. She plays with the ends my hair and looks at me sympathetically. “I wish I could give you a guarantee. I wish I could tell you that everything will always be perfect, but I think you’re smart enough to know that’s not true.”

“You could lie to me.”

“I could, but I won’t. What I will tell you is that you have an advantage.”

“Advantage?”

“Yup. You know what’s out there. You can recognize the danger and teach your children the signs. If you ever decide to have any.” She winks. “We’ve all been through our own traumatic shit. But the way I see it, if you let it get in the way of your happiness, you’re letting it win.”

She does have a point. And London has lived through her own personal hell, one that was way longer and way worse than mine, and she’s not letting it hold her back.

Are my negative experiences holding me back? Am I making excuses because of my fear? Maybe. Or maybe I’ve already committed myself to someone and I’m not ready to share him yet. Maybe, I’m scared it will change what we have. And like I’ve said before, I really love us.

“Whatever you decide, I’ll support you. I just don’t want you look back and have regrets.”

“I don’t want that, either.” I also don’t want to deprive my husband of something he really wants.

“Good.” London walks out of the kitchen to check on Becks, who’s been extremely quiet.

“God, I love this child,” I hear her say.

“Why?” I peek into the living room to see Becks cuddled up in the corner of his playpen fast asleep.

“Because he’s such a man. Eat, sleep, poop. That’s his life.”

“At six months old, what more do you need?”

“Nothing.” She smiles down at the little towhead. He, too, got his father’s coloring, but his mommy’s dark blue eyes.

“So . . . speaking of men, do you think you can get Malia to babysit overnight next weekend?” I decide now is as good a time as any to change the subject.

London snaps her head up. “I’m sure I can, why?”

I smile, unable to hide my excitement. “Kayne said yes.”

Her eyes widen to the size of satellites. “You got him to agree?”

“Yes!” The rock in the pit of my stomach does a summersault. “Do you suddenly have a problem with me sleeping with your husband?”

London and I have talked about this. Extensively. She knows how much I want to be with both Kayne and Jett and has been nothing but supportive.

“No.” She tiptoes away from Beckett quietly and directs me back to the kitchen. “I slept with your husband. It’s only fair. Just be prepared. I’ve been the filling in that alpha sandwich.”

“I know.” I pout. “And I’m tired of living vicariously through you.”

“Apparently, you won’t have to much longer.”





WE WATCH AS THE LAST bits of daylight fade away, casting a grayish-blue hue on the ocean and mountainous landscape. Jett, London, Kayne, and I have just finished a dinner on the lanai of grilled steak, mashed potatoes, and sautéed asparagus. I swallow the last of my wine before I start clearing the table.

“Do you want some help, Ellie?” London asks, moving to stand.

“I’m fine.” I motion for her to sit. “You clean up twenty-four hours a day.”

“That isn’t a lie.” She smiles as she sinks back into her chair. I pile the plates and bring them into the kitchen as Kayne scrubs the grill and Jett irritates him by pointing out all the spots he missed. I laugh to myself while rinsing the dishes, highly amused by the three people I love in each their own way. After loading the dishwasher, I jump when I feel Jett standing behind me.

“Jesus!”

“Nope, just Jett.” He grins. I swear he and Kayne can be silent as shadows when they want to be. “Silverware?” He holds up a handful of forks and knives.

“Just stick them in the sink,” I instruct as I head to the refrigerator. I hear the metal clink behind me.

“Any dessert?” Jett asks, curiously. When he and London come over, I always know to have dessert. He has one wicked sweet tooth.

“Of course.” I pull out a cake from the fridge. “Red velvet.”

I place it on the counter in front of him and remove the Saran Wrap. I then swipe my finger in the icing and hold it up to him. “The cream cheese frosting is even homemade, especially for you.”

Jett stares down at my finger, a small little smirk playing on his lips. “You know it’s not nice to tease me, Ellie.”

I step closer to him. “Who’s teasing?”

Jett’s mouth falls slightly open. It’s not often he’s surprised, but when he is, it’s a classic moment. I watch closely as he glances outside to see Kayne’s reaction. He’s just standing casually next to London, the two of them voyeurs to our little show. He nods at Jett, as if giving him the okay.