I plopped on her bed, sitting by her thighs, grabbed her hand, and placed it over my heart.
Sorry didn't cut it. I had to go big. I had to go all the fucking way this time.
"You turned my life upside down, and I'll never be the same," I said, feeling my words were a living thing. I not only said them, I felt them.
She smiled, shrugged. Looking like her old/young self for a second. Other than that yellow hue on her skin.
"It's not my fault you fell in love with a dying girl."
"It's not my fault you made it fucking impossible not to."
"Where were you?" Her voice died in her throat. Did she mean the day she waited for me in the Hamptons or during her hospital stay?
"I was right here, Baby LeBlanc. The whole time. The minute I found out where you were I all but flew here. They wouldn't let me see you, so I stayed at the place I rented for us. And drank. And felt sorry for myself. And kept the loser asshole torch burning pretty bright, thanks for asking."
She snorted. "Friday?"
I let out a sigh, scratching at my stubble.
"Dean? How was your meeting with your father?"
The words poured out of me like a broken floodgate. I told my fading girlfriend exactly what happened, not sparing a detail. She shed a few silent tears, clutching my face in her ice-cold hands, but I'd never felt warmer in my entire life. I kissed her lips and said sorry, again and again and again.
"I'm sorry." My lips slid to her forehead. "Fuck, Rosie, I am so, so sorry," Cheek. "I can't tell you what it does to me, seeing you like this, knowing that it was me who caused it." Tip of the nose. "It can't end like this. It can't." Lips again.
She pulled me into a hug, and I felt her hot tears streaming down my neck.
"I'm kind of hoping it will end like this. You made me happy. Very happy. But … you deserve everything. Wife, kids, a white picket fence."
"And I'll have all of it. With you."
"You know that can't happen with me."
"Then it can't happen with anyone. There won't be a next Rosie. And there won't be another story like ours. This is it, Rose LeBlanc. And this is us. If there is no you, then there is no me."
"You know, I always hated Romeo and Juliet. The play. The movie. The very idea. It was tragic, all right. Tragically stupid. I mean, they were what? Thirteen? Sixteen? What a waste of life, to kill yourself because your family wouldn't let you get hitched. But Romeo and Juliet were right. I was the stupid asshole. Look what happened to me. I met my true love at the age of eighteen and spent the next eleven years killing myself slowly while I grieved for you. Then you came back, and I still thought it was just a fascination. But now that I know … " I pulled away so I could look at her face. She was fading. I saw it. Her lungs hadn't been functioning well. Her doctors said the infection had spread to the rest of her organs. She was burning with fever. Despite her frequent trips to the hospital, this time it was different.
And all of this could have been prevented if I wasn't an alcoholic bastard.
I pressed my cheek into her palm, kissing her wrist. "Now that I know that it can only ever be you, you're going to get better for me so Earth won't explode. Can you do that, Sirius? I promise not to leave this room until you get out. Not even for a shower. Not even to get you your chocolate chip cookies. I'll get someone to drive all the way to New York and bring them for you."
"I love you." Rosie's tears curtained her vision. Her shaky fingers found my lips when they wanted to touch my cheeks, but once her fingertips swiped across my mouth, I realized that I was shedding a few tears, too. I couldn't remember the last time I cried. I was definitely not the sobbing type. In fact, it was probably around the time Nina dumped my ass at Walmart when I cried the last time. But I did now, because the woman I loved more than life itself was losing a battle I personally sent her into.
"I love you, Baby LeBlanc," I said. "So fucking much. You taught me how to love. How well did I do?"
She smiled, a tear rolling down her cheek. "A-plus," she whispered. "You aced it. Can you promise me something?"
"Anything."
"Live."
"Not without you."
"And have kids. Lots of them. They're fun."
"Rosie … "
"I'm not afraid. I got what I wanted from this life. You."
"Rosie."
"I love you, Earth. You were good to me."
"Rose!"
Her eyes closed, the door opened, the sound on her monitor went off, and my heart disintegrated.