“Oh my God. It’s that obvious?” Holly said before she covered her mouth with her hand.
“Not to everyone, I’m sure.” Walter assured her, his eyes seeking hers. “Does he know?”
I…no. It’s complicated. I’m on my own.” Holly admitted, watching him frown as Lisa’s words filled her mind. “I can do this.”
“I’m not saying that you can’t, but I’d want to know if it was me. I think we’re friends enough for me to say that.” Walter told her firmly, making her shake her head.
“Well, I think we both know it isn’t.” She told him, looking up and down the street. “I’ll be okay.”
“I will be here for anything that you need, Holly. Appointments, meals…anything.” Walter told her, watching a tear slide down her cheek as she wished that it was Aaron telling her this and pulling her into his arms. “I don’t want you to be alone.”
She nodded as she gave him a hug, willing to take what he was offering. It wasn’t the right person and not who she wanted, but Walter was a good support system and a good man. She was much more scared than she wanted to admit and Holly whispered her thanks to him as she pulled away. She started to wander down the street slowly, staring at the windows absently as she thought about everything. Her phone chimed and she slipped it out of her purse to see that Aaron was calling. She swallowed the lump in her throat and answered it in a soft voice, hating what she was about to do.
Holly let the tears fall as she hung up after giving him every excuse in the book about why she didn’t want to see him anymore.
It was wrong.
They could get in trouble.
She didn’t want to be with him anymore.
The rest blurred in her mind as she heard him arguing back, telling her that he didn’t want this. Holly could swear that she heard tears in his voice as he spoke, graceful when he ended the call so she could cry.
Finding a small park with a bench, Holly sank down and cried harder as she realized that Aaron was gone. She’d done it. She was pregnant and on her own in New York, looking up and seeing that nobody was looking at her as they walked by or jogged.
It just made her feel more alone.
She ended up in some baby stores, looking towards her future as she eyed baby blankets and cribs. Their apartment was small but they had a small den where she could set up the baby’s room. Holly wasn’t sure if the fancy changing tables were necessary as she looked at them, deciding that a thick blanket and any safe surface might do the trick. The strollers were pricey and seemed impossible for her to own, despite her job and she knew that she didn’t have twenty girlfriends to have a big baby shower with.
She was home and showered by the time practice started, wearing her comfortable yoga pants and a loose tee shirt, feeling like her stomach was showing her predicament. Lisa walked back into her therapy room, cleaning it up before she took a seat to watch them and see how everyone was doing. Holly knew that her skin was pale and that her eyes showed traces of red from all of the tears she’d cried, though everyone was focused on the players on the ice. Walter glanced up at her, smiling as she nodded back at him with a forced smile.
Aaron sat on his couch staring forward, knowing that he could be at the practice but not wanting to see Holly right now. It was harder for him to think about going in when they were over more than it was when they were together. At least then he could talk to her. Now she acted like she never wanted to see her again. He didn’t believe that she was really done despite the phone call, feeling angry and lost as he sat in his house alone.
Aaron was not the kind of guy to pursue a woman who had made it clear that she didn’t want to be with him and he’d always been that way, usually moving on with something casual easily. He didn’t want to harass Holly, but he didn’t believe her. Aaron leaned back and decided to give himself the day to wallow and be a human the next day, though tonight wouldn’t include whiskey.
They were both needed at the arena the following night for a home game and she cried all the way up until she took a shower, since Lisa was at her graphic design job for the day. She washed her face under hot water as she felt dried up, wiping it off with a soft towel as she stood naked in front of the mirror. Holly was still slim and she ran her hands over her stomach slowly. She wasn’t showing yet but she knew that there was a life in there. What would she do when she was clearly pregnant? What would Aaron say?
Holly felt like she should create something to go with her pregnancy, have a relationship to fall back on. She couldn’t even imagine that.
She was in her room and dressed for the game before it started, her hair in a long French braid down her back. Holly heard the team coming down the walkway and she added some red lip tint to her dry lips to give herself some color to her pale face. Holly saw Tanner walk inside and she smiled his way as she walked forward to pretend to be an interested sports therapist that wasn’t broken inside.
The game was touch and go with her boys winning by a goal at the end of the game, celebrating on the ice together as she let out a long sigh. They all seemed healthy and that was a good thing. Her eyes drifted to the bench to take a quick look at Aaron, seeing the way his jaw was set and the circles under his eyes. He didn’t look good and she glanced away quickly as she saw him start to return her look. They’d played this game the entire game and she wanted to take back everything and drag him to his office and make him scratch her itch desperately. That had gotten her in trouble before but what could it do now? She was horny.
At her first appointment about the baby, Holly found out that the pills she’d been taking were bad when they’d been distributed. There were probably going to be several surprise babies for a few women but why did she have to deal with it in her situation? She had asked for every bit of information that she needed and noted websites that she should visit on her phone in the notes app. Holly left crying as she walked home.
CHAPTER THREE
The next couple of weeks passed by slowly and painfully as she kept up her strong front for everybody, dropping that at home and little by little with Walter. He was a really caring guy underneath it all and he helped. Aaron seemed to get back into the game as she watched him from afar, she being into her job that was going to support her and the child inside of her. She knew that it would be ugly when she had to tell the team but she had great health insurance until then and she was going to take advantage of it, since she might lose her job for lying anyway. What a complicated web she had weaved.
The next trip was going to be a week from then and she packed as many snacks as she did clothing, all loose and comfortable for her to wear as she hid her condition. Holly knew that she needed to go shopping soon for maternity clothes and she both loved and hated the idea. She was really in love with her baby even with all of the pain that came along with it.
The phone calls had stopped as well as the texts. Aaron pretended that she wasn’t there most of the time, the anger still in his gaze when it did pass over her before he went to speak to the team doctor. She missed their talks and missed their intimacy but she made friends with the team and a couple of their girlfriends. It was nice hanging out with other people and she appreciated it when they were kind about her pregnancy, letting her do what she needed as they drank and partied around her. It was part of being with a team and she liked watching them.
Lisa was getting excited about the baby as well. She’d dropped the talk about Aaron though Holly still saw the expression on her face sometimes that told her she thought about it. They slowly set up what they could in the shoe box of a den before a month later when she’d be finding out what it was with Walter and Lisa. He’d gotten into it, getting excited when everything was going well and joking around about corrupting his niece or nephew.
Holly also noticed a bit of a spark between him and Lisa as they got to know each other.
She carried on, beginning to wear her maternity jeans and slacks when she didn’t wear her go to yoga pants. Her stomach was small but it showed that she was having a baby and she still fought to cover it up.
Aaron watched her go everywhere with Walter as they’d leave the arena, talking seriously and closely as they walked to his monster of an SUV. After games, after practice and they even arrived together a few times. Holly looked beautiful and different to him somehow as he watched her when she wasn’t looking. She was glowing and…something else. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe she was happy with his center. Maybe she was having the kind of sex with him that he’d had, making him hit his desk as he sat alone in his office.
The team was moving quickly. There were a few great sponsors signing on and they were in a winning streak. It took a lot of time for Aaron that would otherwise be spent thinking about Holly and he appreciated that.
One night, he went out drinking with them as he found the thoughts too much. Walter was conveniently absent and he looked around as he threw back the whiskey that he was familiar with, half listening to something that one of the coaches said. “You in there, Neller?” Pat teased him as he looked at his friend. “What’s gotten under your skin lately?”