I’m not an idiot. I studied engineering at university and was bored by it. I have a deep breadth of understanding of history and art and military strategy and science. I know words—big and little. I understand their meaning when they’re strung together. When they’re used to imply, to deduce, to insinuate.
But this . . . this doesn’t make any sense. I can’t process it.
Or maybe I just don’t want to.
“But . . . how?”
How could anyone hurt sweet, darling Sarah? My Sarah. She’s everything that is kind and good and funny and beautiful and amazing in this world. Why would anyone want to cause her pain? How is that even possible?
Penelope sniffles. “Usually with his fists. Sometimes with the belt. If she fell, he would kick—”
“Stop.” Nausea twists and knots my stomach, folding me over. “Fucking Christ, stop.”
Because the curtain is lifted and the images that spill out from Penelope’s words are sickening and vivid. My thoughts are cut off when I think of something else. Something I didn’t put together until this moment.
“She limps,” I tell Penelope in a voice colored by ash. “It’s barely perceptible, but I noticed. When she’s tired, she limps.”
“That was the final straw for Mother. He broke Sarah’s leg. They were right outside the door of the room I was in when it happened. It was so loud—the snap of it.” Penny squeezes her eyes closed. “God, I can still hear it.”
I broke my arm once. Fell the wrong way during a rugby match. It hurt like a bitch. And I know just what she means about the sound—it’s distinct. Once you hear it, you’ll never forget.
“He wouldn’t let us leave, wouldn’t let Mother take Sarah to the hospital. For three days he kept us in one of the upstairs rooms.” Penelope shudders as she breathes and cries softly. “Sarah was in so much pain. And then, Joseph, the driver—he had only been with us a few months—he helped us escape when our father fell asleep. I remember he swept in and scooped Sarah up in his arms and told us, ‘Down the back steps, the car is waiting—hurry now.’ And the most terrifying moment was when the three of us were loaded into the back and Joseph had to run around to get to the driver’s seat. We were so close . . . I kept watching the door, waiting for my father to burst through and kill us.”
Penelope’s face has lost all color now. She rubs at her eyes and cheeks with weary hands. “But he didn’t. Joseph drove us to the hospital and they set Sarah’s leg, but it never healed the way it should have. Auntie Gertrude took us in, had her lawyers arrange the divorce, and they managed to convince our father that if he ever came near us again, details of his actions and photos of Sarah’s bruises would be made public. He was in Switzerland the last I heard, and I hope every day that an avalanche falls on him.”
My chest feels like it’s filled with concrete. And I want to cry. I haven’t wept since I was ten years old, but I could now. For her. For the fucking injustice of it. I want to fall to my knees and shout at the sky. I want to curse God to his face.
I want to slash and burn and maim and kill.
And it’s that last thought that finally gives me the focus I so desperately need. I take a few deep breaths then stand up and put my hand on Penelope’s shoulder, squeezing. “Thank you for telling me.”
She gifts me with a shadow of a smile. But as I step toward the door, she clasps my hand in her chilly grip. “Henry. You can’t . . . you need to leave my sister alone. You can’t toy with her. I know she seems strong and in some ways she is, but inside . . . she’s so fragile. Sarah is genuine and good and . . . not like us.”
Penelope Von Titebottum and I are cut from the same selfish cloth. Wild. Needy. We know how the game is played, how to turn all heads our way. We thrive on it—the attention, the adoration of others. I mean—look at this fucking show I’ve jumped into.
Without a care in the world.
Without a thought for my country or my responsibilities or even a second of concern for the feelings of the women who’ve signed up for it. The whole point is to get them to fall in love with me—to think they have a chance at living royally fucking ever after, while the whole world watches.
All because I wanted a distraction.
And if a few hearts are shattered in the process? That’s just too damn bad. Because this is who we are.
What did my brother tell me once?
We can’t change who we are.
“No.” I tell Sarah’s sister. “She’s not at all like us.”
My hands shake as I walk down to the great hall—to the Fantastic Wall of Death.