Saying I love you was easy, it was the emotions that came with it, the feelings and desires that changed you. If you were really in love, you always felt those things before you said those three little words. Love was something to be feared, because it had the power to break you.
Telling Noelle that I loved her was like giving her a loaded gun and praying that she didn’t shoot me directly in the heart. It was hoping that she felt the same way, because if she didn’t it would kill me.
There was just no way I could ever let her go, and I knew that as I tucked her into my body, cradling her against my chest.
I needed this silence with her, to hear nothing but the pounding beats of our hearts, and the passing of air into our lungs. I tried to convince myself that it was anything but me that needed to change. I saw the crash course I was on with life in the mirror every day, and I was afraid that I would hurt Noelle.
Things changed when you scared yourself. I was terrified of the person I was becoming and it was only because Noelle helped me see it.
“You saved me from myself,” I whispered into her hair, breathing in her scent and holding her closely against my chest, my chin resting on top of her head.
“We’re even then, because you made me a better person,” she whispered back.
I wasn’t able to sleep for days and as soon as I allowed myself to relax into her touch, my eyes drifted closed, growing heavy with exhaustion. Now that I let Noelle know just how crazy she made me feel, it was as if I could finally breath. As if there was no longer any weight that sat upon my shoulders.
After all, she was the only love that I grew to know.
Chapter Thirty
-Noelle
My body ached like it never had before, parts of my flesh felt as if it was on fire as I forced myself to untangle from Royal’s strong grip. I needed to use the bathroom like no other, but I didn’t want to get up, at least not yet. Being here cuddled in Royal’s warm embrace felt right, and there was a sense of peace that overwhelmed me. I had never felt this much at home before, and I wasn’t ready to end the feeling yet.
My bladder threatened to burst minutes later, and I knew I had no other option but to get up and go. Reluctantly, I pulled the comforter back and forced myself out of the bed, trudging around Royal’s bedroom to find my clothes. Things moved slow because my eyes refused to leave his naked body.
A memory was burned into my mind because of the things that he did to me last night— unimaginable things. The way my body hovered between pleasure in pain, and the words that fell from our lips.
Love.
Four letters.
One word.
A million emotions and I was stuck in love with the man I should have loved least of all. I gave up in defeat, looking for my clothes. Instead I walked over to his dresser and pulled out one of his shirts and slipped it on over my head, figuring I just needed to cover up really quick and slip back in here. I wanted to be here when he woke up.
I slipped from his bedroom as quietly as I could and down the hall toward what
I assumed was the bathroom. Royal and I were so intent on making it to his bedroom that he didn’t even show me this bathroom. I was a foot away from entering it when Royal’s mother noticed me in the hallway. Our eyes clashed. Oh God! She knew. She had to.
She cleared her throat, looking me up and down.
“I’m guessing you’re the one he loves, because if you aren’t I’m pretty sure you should leave,” she joked, and I was confused as to how she already knew when I had just found out myself. Maybe she heard us last night? Shit I hoped not.
My face turned fifty shades of red. I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I fucked this woman’s son in her house last night, and now I was standing in her hallway getting ready to use her bathroom in nothing but her son’s shirt. I was embarrassed. Mortified.
“I….” I stumbled over my words, trying to figure out what to say. What could I say to make this look better?
Hi. I know I’m screwing your son, but can I use the restroom you have here?
“My name’s Olivia, but you can call me Momma.” She smiled at me, and her eyes twinkled. I could see why Mark married her. She couldn’t be any sweeter, and her beauty was remarkable. She had long brown hair and beautiful sea blue eyes. Her body was that of a dancer’s— strong and firm, but slim and eloquent where needed. Looking at her now made me much more curious about her and Mark’s story.
“Hi, Olivia,” I remarked shyly, balancing from foot to foot.
“Why don’t you come out here when you get done going to the bathroom. I want to share something with you.” She sipped from her coffee cup giving me one last look before fleeting back in the direction she came.